stages of drunkeness
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known
Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your
knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT.
And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes
for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the
entire bar and that people want you. You can go up to a perfect stranger
knowing they want you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that
you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject
under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You
can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck
full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this
stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win
all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You
will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are
the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially
those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because
nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners
of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money.
You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are
RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do
anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the
people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot
see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you.
You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because
no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all
the words.
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