Congressman Randy Could Lose

[TexasTowelie]

By Dr. Brian Carr
President, Behavioral Health Associates, Lubbock, Texas, 1991-Present
Chairman, City of Lubbock Board of Health, 2013
Submitted on October 27, 2013 - 9:38am

In the last few months our District 19 Congressman Randy Neugebauer has been seen in a negative light. Three weeks after verbally attacking a Park Ranger at the World War II Memorial his Facebook page and campaign page continue to receive very unhappy posts. Enjoying his 52 foot yacht anchored outside of Washington, D.C. he may have finally secured sufficient attention to merit consideration of whether he is the right representative in Washington. There are now candidates opposing him both in his own party as well as from the Democrats.

However, when one looks at the natural tendency of incumbents to be re-elected and at the margins of victory that Randy has previously demonstrated it will be quite a race for anyone to defeat him. His tenure has been less about not being a bad politician but more about him not being a very good one. With ten years in office we can all look to his record of performance. He has risen to the 33nd richest member of Congress. He has amassed sufficient wealth to spread the money around to other conservative candidates. He shouted “baby-killer” from the floor of Congress and was a principle support of the insanity of Senator Ted Cruz. It would appear that he is ready to again shut down the government in January and is wanting to add more to the 24 billion dollars lost in the last closure.

But what will it take to defeat him? Will the fact that Texas is last among the states in voter turnout lend itself to his being re-elected because citizens are uninvolved and apathetic? What are the extremes of politics and societal happenings that would clearly force him out of office. Here are a few possibilities:

1. Alien (as in from another world) relics are uncovered near Roswell, New Mexico that show that he is from another planet. This heritage would only be sufficient if it could be shown that he was not actually white but more dark green in skin color.

2. If Randy were to expire and show a complete lack of bodily functions this might improve the odds. However, given the tendency of those in Congress to die several terms before they actually leave office this might not be that much of a problem.

3. If Congressman Neugebauer were to come “out of the closet” and marry not one but two other men and at least one elephant in a public ceremony in Santa Fe, New Mexico. However, if he could play a mean game of basketball or was a good coach the citizens would likely overlook this.

4. News that Randy had commissioned a fine invisible golden robe that he would proudly wear down Broadway Avenue and that only common people could not see it might cause a commotion, particularly when a young child pointed out that she only saw him as naked.

5. Randy’s involvement in operating his yacht as a slave trader off the coast of Africa might tip the scales against him. This would only happen if he did not make a profit. His counter might be that he was only working to stem the invasion of illegal aliens.

6. Health problems such as uncontrolled flatulence might pose problems in public. Matching his wits with his new found ability he would probably overcome this by simply shouting “Tea Party” with each expulsion.

7. In his race to the furthest edges of known space and the Extreme Right the Congressman and his challenger Dr. May might encounter particles of anti-matter and be thrust into a parallel university inhabited by Dr. Stephen Hawking and the munchkins where they would rule based on height.

8. And finally, if Randy was able to collect all the money in America and enjoy it in the manner of Scrooge McDuck he might just retire and leave the bones for the next fellow to pick over. Rolling around in his gold and jewels he could feel a satisfaction of what he had accomplished.

With the slam dunk wins in the past five terms it will be difficult to unseat our Congressman. Until the citizens (and I mean the vast majority of those in his district who don’t vote) awaken he will continue in his term as a sessile polyp in the bowels of Congress.

But I’m holding out for the Alien relics.

http://lubbockonline.com/interact/blog-post/dr-brian-carr/2013-10-27/congressman-randy-could-lose

Cross-posted in Good Reads forum.