Women and bi sexual men

[tech_smythe]

This isn't in the wrong forum I promise.
But to the bi guys... have you ever mentioned to a woman that you're bi and get the instant cold shoulder?

I have more than one had a woman, thoroughly interested, etc etc turn nearly ice cold as soon as I mention i'm bisexual.

Like run away, nearly throwing up, cold.

i find this really fascinating. Men fall all over themselves if a woman HINTS she MIGHT be bi-curious. Women on the other hand go ice queen!

Guys any thoughts as to why this is?
How do you react (if you're bi) when/if this happens to you.

I just shrug it off.

but I still find it fascinating the difference in views women vs men on this subject.

Thought?

[Neoma]

1. I've tried to make my husband bisexual like me

That way we could drool over the same Hollywood stars!

I jest, I jest.

Has it occured to you that us females indicate that as a fact that you might cheat on her? There is THAT stereotype to deal with. People think that all bisexuals have two partners. Which isn't true.

[lumberjack_jeff]

2. It seems to me that it would be hard to consider one's self both monogamous and bisexual.

That said, the bi person who I know best has a LTR boyfriend and a female stalker.

[racaulk]

10. That is absolutely absurd.

Everyone has within them the ability to be committed and monogamous with one partner, regardless of their sexual orientation.

[Whoa_Nelly]

11. ....................

[CreekDog]

12. this is consistent with your overall level of ignorance

on these matters.

[Warren DeMontague]

3. Probably timing and context have a great deal to do with it. And what circles you run in.

For instance, a woman you meet at, say, Burning Man is probably odds-on more likely to be receptive to that sort of information than, say, someone you meet at Church Bingo Night in Mobile, Alabama.

[tech_smythe]

4. Well for one i'd never be seen dead in alabama, church or no...

but point taken.
the circles I run in tend to be open minded.
Sadly there are very few available women LOL
All the good one's are taken, as it were.

damn good too. funny, smart, strong, open.

My ex was like that. but in the end even telling her I was bi broke her =[... among other things.

I just find the double standard interesting.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. i hear my bi male friends complain about this a lot

Last edited Sat Mar 17, 2012, 09:15 PM - Edit history (1)

biphobia is pretty prevalent in all communities. fear of hiv, fear that you are really a closeted guys, general homophobia etc all contribute to it.

sucks though

[white_wolf]

6. It is a a troubling difference.

As a bi-sexual male, I don't tell anyone, because there is as much prejudice against the bi-sexual community as there is the gay community and to be frankly honest, I'm not stable enough to handle it, as immature/cowardly as that sounds. Also, I've heard a lot of comments amounting to the idea that men can't be bi, that they are closeted gay guys, where as it seems to be different with women.

[lumberjack_jeff]

7. And you shouldn't have to.

Disclose to people what they need to know when they need to know it.

[tech_smythe]

8. One thing about the gay community that pisses me of is their attitude towards bi's

Men specifically, because bi women are completely acceptable...
"Bi men are just gay and don't know it"
bah!

But yeah, im starting to keep my sexuality ambiguous, partially because it's really fun! partially because unless i have a good feeling for the person, it's safer to play straight.

I personally have 0 desire to have a relationship with a woman ever again, despite still being quite attracted to them, and i'm picky as hell about men!

In a way I almost wish I was flat out gay or straight (again)!! It's so much EASIER when you don't have to think as hard about who/what you're attracted to!

[MadrasT]

9. I am female but I know what you're talking about.

I think the issue is that a lot of women hear "bi" and think "I don't want any competition, it's bad enought I have to compete with othe *women*.

A lot of women just do not like to share.

I know a lot of bi guys who share your frustraion.

[stevenleser]

13. I think Lioness and others have it. It's about HIV/AIDS and the idea that you won't be

Faithful and really want to be with another guy or have to have one on the side.

On edit: I want to make sure you all understand I do not agree with those prejudices, but the few women I asked about this all said these two issues are it.

[noamnety]

14. Part of the double standard might be

that men are conditioned by the media and culture to view women (on some level) as primarily objects that exist for the benefit of men's sexual pleasure. So when a man hears that a woman might be bi, he's not necessarily thinking "that excludes me." He's thinking he might be able to turn that into a threesome where he now has two women performing for his gratification. If not in real life, at least that's a fantasy that he finds arousing.

Women on the other hand hear that a guy's bi and their main thought is that he's in a relationship that isn't about them at all. There's not much thought given to the notion that maybe the two guys are having sex while secretly are thinking they're both looking forward to a chance to sexually gratify her at once. (And that's not something women are conditioned to want in the first place.)

[closeupready]

15. Because Western women are taught to possess the men they are with.

Wholly, 100%.

I remarked in another recent thread, that I have found frequently that straight men seem to find it impossible to be friendly with gay men if their female sex partners aren't involved in some way - as if she must implicitly approve, or else the relationship (between the two men) is forbidden.

And I think that also speaks to the principle that Western women are taught that when you get involved with a man in any romantic way, you own them body and soul 100%, and that he must spend 100% of his time with you.

It's sick and cloying and claustrophobic in my opinion, but as I say, I'm glad I'm gay - I never have to deal with that nonsense.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. if this were a female things, wouldn't lesbians be this way?

yet lesbians in my experience, give each other space and don't expect 100% ownership

[closeupready]

17. No, because the underlying relationship serves capitalism.

Early capitalism in the West co-opted marriage as a means of increasing the supply of labor. I'm probably muddling the point a bit, but the essential part is factual.

I'm trying to remember the source for this, but it's been written about in sociology literature. I believe Karl Marx and Engels both wrote about this in the 19th Century. But there are other sources, and let me try and remember.

[closeupready]

18. Here's a typical passage after a quick google:

>>Friends and family will tell you: Marriage is work. Keeping two people in a fulfilling relationship is difficult, while adultery comes naturally, the CrimethInc Collective write in Briarpatch. The problem, according to the article that "borrows liberally" from Against Love by Laura Kipnis, is that marriage turns relationships into “a domestic factory policed by rigid shop-floor discipline designed to keep wives and husbands chained to the machinery of responsible reproduction.”

Marriage resembles a market system, according to the article: “your intimacy is governed by scarcity, threats, and programmed prohibitions, and protected ideologically by assurances that there are no viable alternatives.”<<

http://www.utne.com/Mind-Body/Defending-Adultery-Gordon.aspx#ixzz1qLAMXMC3

Female-female and male-male romantic relationships are traditionally illegitimate and so (in contrast to heterosexual relationships that are governed by all kinds of traditions, family expectations, social climbing ambitions, etc.), there are no (traditional) guides on how to relate to your same-sex partner, it's all kind of ad hoc.

[closeupready]

19. I think it was in a Jonathan Katz collection of essays

on men's sexuality, the invention of heterosexuality, but I can't remember which volume, unfortunately. I almost literally devoured such stuff in college, lol.

Nevertheless, as I said, the point is well-known and much written about in sociological studies of human sexuality, marriage and social institutions in capitalist societies.

I probably put a bit of my own spin in my initial post here. Combined with all the other crap going on lately, I think maybe I need to get either a life, or a date. Cheers.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. lol