If I could ask - a few thoughts for my son tonight?

[enlightenment]

Last edited Mon Jun 24, 2013, 09:34 AM - Edit history (2)

EDITED TO ADD: My son's friend just wrote and told me that he is out of surgery and doing well. It was 5.5 hours - a bit longer than they anticipated, but it seems to have gone well.

Thank you all for your kindness and support. It was a very long night and knowing that you were thinking of my son made it easier to bear. Now I think I'll go take a nap.


--------------------------

Some of you may recall that my son is transgender. He moved to England a few years ago, returning to university after a decade long gap.

Because of our miserable health care system, he has not been able to complete reassignment surgery - but discovered, when he got to the UK, that he might be eligible for NHS funded surgery. He was eligible, and in just a few hours will undergo the first of a series of surgeries to complete, finally, the process he began 14 years ago.

This first surgery includes a total hysterectomy - something else he was unable to get here, unless he found the money for it, since his insurance considered it "elective". This is not a small thing - and I'm pretty worried tonight because I can't be with him. Instead I am an ocean and a continent away.

I know he's in good hands, but he's my only child, and no matter how old he gets, he'll always be my baby - so if any of you would please send a few thoughts his way, I would really appreciate it. He believes in the power of positive thinking, so for him I will believe it, too.

Thanks,
Enlightenment

[still_one]

1. Of course

[enlightenment]

6. Thank you.

It is much appreciated.

[chillfactor]

2. my thoughts and prayers ....

float across the ocean to your son....

[enlightenment]

7. Thank you.

You are very kind.

[hrmjustin]

3. My thoughts and prayers to you and your son.

[enlightenment]

9. Thank you,

for thinking of him.

[murielm99]

4. Of course I can do this.

Please keep us informed of his progress, mom.

[enlightenment]

10. Thank you.

I will of course update as soon as I know anything - his best friend is there and under strict instructions to keep me informed.

[TDale313]

5. Sending good thoughts and energy

For you and your son.

[enlightenment]

11. Thank you,

all is gratefully accepted.

[PDJane]

8. Blessings for you and the person you still consider your child. He will be fine........

And please keep us up to date.

[enlightenment]

12. You're right.

He will be. It's just going to be a very long night, I think.

I will keep you up to date.

Thank you for the kindness.

[chillfactor]

13. try to get some sleep....

you son will need your strength......

[enlightenment]

19. I know I should - just not sure I can.

But I'll try!

[sheshe2]

14. ...

to you both~

[enlightenment]

20. Thank you,

sheshe2 - I appreciate your kindness.

[90-percent]

15. Thank you for leting us help support you

God bless you and your son and I wish you both many more decades of happiness.

-90% Jimmy

[enlightenment]

21. I really appreciate knowing that I can ask on DU.

Despite all the back-biting we do, this is a pretty nice community of folks.

Thank you.

[nomorenomore08]

16. I'm glad he's finally been able to do this. I know it's an important step, for a trans person.

And needless to say, we should all be ashamed of our shitty healthcare system. But that's another topic for another day.

[enlightenment]

23. You have no idea how glad I am,

it has been long coming. It is important to him - I know that the need/desire varies; some of his friends have told me that a complete reassignment is not as important to them, and certainly we have seen lately that some trans-men prefer to keep their reproductive function. So it's certainly not one-size-fits-all.

I want what is best for my son, full stop. And yes, our healthcare system is a disgraceful embarrassment (and it is a topic for another day).

Thank you for your support.

[Mnemosyne]

17. ...

[enlightenment]

24. Thank you.

Your kindness is much appreciated.

[Booster]

18. Sending good vibes from my house across the ocean to your son. Will also be thinking of you tonight

hoping you get the rest you will need. This is a big day for both of you and I admire you for being the supportive parent that he needs right now. Bless you both.

[enlightenment]

25. Thank you,

Booster - but please don't admire me. He's my kid and if I believe nothing else in this world I believe that love is unconditional - so this is not even a question for me.
I admire him. His courage and commitment and belief in himself. He is an extraordinary young man and I am lucky to have him in my life.

[Behind the Aegis]

22. Thoughts for you both.

I wish you could be there for him.

[enlightenment]

27. Me too.

Thank you for thinking of us both.

[Behind the Aegis]

51. I am glad to hear the good update.

May you both get some much deserved and needed rest!

[tavalon]

26. Of course

I'm so glad he is finally able to fix his body to match his soul.

[enlightenment]

28. So am I.

It's been a long wait and I'm glad it's finally coming together for him. I know he is anxious and I know he has many months where he'll probably question his sanity in undertaking these difficult surgeries - but I also know that in a year or maybe two (sooner I hope than later), it will all be done.
Thank you for thinking of him.

[Summer Hathaway]

29. Every good vibe I can muster

is on its way to you and your son tonight.

[enlightenment]

30. Thank you, Summer.

I shall picture them winging their way to him. He should be getting prepped now - I hope he can feel all the kindness flowing his way.

[Summer Hathaway]

31. I can so relate to your concern.

My son lives thousands of miles away, and I get antsy if I think he has a splinter I'm not there to attend to. I can only imagine what it's like to know you little boy is having major surgery on the other side of the world.

As for him feeling all the kindness flowing his way, somehow I think he can feel it. Love and positive vibes have a way of finding their intended recipient, and making themselves known.

[enlightenment]

32. Funny how that psychic umbilicus is never

severed, isn't it? No matter how far they go . . .

Thank you again for the positive words. I'm hoping you are right.

[barbtries]

33. all the best to you both.

i hope you can be together with him soon.

[enlightenment]

41. Me, too, barbtries.

I'm working on it! Thank you.

[Chaco Dundee]

34. you bet

Best of luck to your son and to you.

[FreeState]

35. Sending good thoughts to the both of you

May all go and be well!

[enlightenment]

42. Thank you, FreeState,

I've got best thoughts going and trying not to watch the clock!

[redwitch]

36. Certainly.

"No matter how old he gets, he'll always be my baby" I have 2 sons and I understand. He IS in good hands and he will be just fine. Keeping him and you in my heart.

[enlightenment]

43. Yes, I know you do understand.

Thank you for the positive thoughts - and my best to your two boys, also, whereever they go and whatever they do.

[Hekate]

37. Oh yes, oh yes

You remind me of one of my dearest friends, whose son, like yours is transgender. The day he told her was the day she started referring to him as "my son." Like you, he is her only child.

Here is a Buddhist prayer for both of you, insert names as you repeat:

May all beings be peaceful
May all beings be happy
May all beings be safe
May all beings awaken to the light of their true nature
May all beings be free from suffering

May enlightenment's son be peaceful
May enlightenment's son be happy
May enlightenment's son be safe
May enlightenment's son awaken to the light of his true nature
May enlightenment's son be free from suffering



Hekate

[enlightenment]

44. We only get one shot at it, I believe.

No matter if it is one child or a dozen, we don't get do-overs with our kids. I think the best way to at least start out right is to begin by loving them and never stop. If we do that - and really mean it - then the rest seems to sort itself out. To me, the saddest thing in the world is people who put conditions on the love they offer, whether it is to a child or to a partner or a sibling or parent. How can that be love? Your friend sounds like a very nice person - and I bet she has a fantastic son.

Thank you for the lovely prayer. I'll remember it.

[glinda]

38. ((((((((((LIGHT)))))))))))))

[enlightenment]

45. Thank you, glinda.

you're very kind.

[DreamGypsy]

39. Don't worry. You have given him the greatest love possible. To be himself. You'll see him soon.

Sometimes the hardest journey to take is the path one's self. I am sorry that your son's journey has been complicated by the petty details of money and insurance, and by the evils of bias and indifference. Fourteen years is a long time to wait.

Luka Bloom wrote a song entitled "See You Soon", possibly about a child, or maybe a friend or lover. I think it may capture a bit of the experience you and your son have shared. I hope it will help you through this night and the following days as your son recovers, and weeks and months as he moves ahead. My thoughts are with you both.

I hope I love you enough to let you go
On the road only you can see
I hope I love you enough to let you go
And loosen the hold that you have on me

I want to bless you on your way
Say always to yourself be true
I hope you know there is no sweeter place in the world
Than the places I have been with you

See you soon
See you soon

The weakness in me fills my heart with fear
Telling me to control and try to keep you here
The spirit in me that's what is good and true
Telling me to be strong, and trust the letting go of you

See you soon
See you soon

The road waits patiently before you
Away you go now, don't even look behind
Fill yourself with riches from the times we knew
I'll keep your goodness here in my heart and in my mind

See you soon
See you soon

I hope I love you enough to let you go
I hope I love you enough to let you go...

© 2008 Luka Bloom (IMRO IRELAND/MCPS)

The most courageous act I ever personally witnessed was when a co-worker at a start-up company invited a group of the guys over one Thursday evening. After a beer or two and some idle talk, Mike told us that he wouldn't be coming to work on Monday morning. He told us that Michelle would be taking over his role in the company - she had already talked with the human resources people and met with the female employees. She would be wearing the clothes she always longed to wear and would be using the ladies room. He said that the "ultimate surgical consequences" wouldn't happen for some time and she would be taking some time off when they did. After a few quiet moments we all offered her our honest encouragement and support. Only a couple years later, after Michelle left the company and moved to a new location, did I learn that some other co-workers had harassed her and made her difficult, necessary transition a painful experience.

[enlightenment]

46. That's a beautiful song,

thank you for sharing it - and for sharing your co-worker's story. I'm glad she had the courage to reach for who she truly is, and I'm very sorry that she had to deal with hostility. I hope she is in a better place now.

[PoliticAverse]

40. Best wishes to him! n/t

[enlightenment]

47. Thank you.

I appreciate the kind thoughts.

[MillennialDem]

48. As someone who has gone through a lot of transgender surgeries *hugs* he'll be alright

Try to get him on Skype after he feels a little better!

[enlightenment]

49. Thanks,

I appreciate your perspective! I'll ring him as soon as he's ready to talk. I suspect he'll sleep the rest of the day today.

[MillennialDem]

50. Yeah, he will sleep mostly.