How Porn Can Ruin Your Sex Life -- And Your Marriage

[redqueen]

http://goodmenproject.com/health/how-porn-can-ruin-your-sex-life-and-your-marriage/

Always young. Always beautiful. Always new. Porn keeps dopamine surging in the brain. But at what point does chronic stimulation become chronic dissatisfaction?

If you’re married and using Internet porn regularly, your sex life—the one with your wife—is probably a lot less satisfying than it could be.

You probably know that from an evolutionary standpoint, a man is rewarded for spreading his seed. But your wedding vows have an evolutionary purpose, too: they increase the chances that your joint offspring will have two caregivers, thus improving the odds that your genes will survive.

Internet porn, it turns out, messes with both these instincts. The endless variety and overstimulation may initially help you get more excited during sex, but over time it has the opposite effect: porn can dull your ability to please, and be pleased by, your partner.

Another good article from the Good Men Project.

[Feldspar]

1. Evo-Psych!

Man's best friend

[seabeyond]

3. ha ha....

i think i LOVE you. lol

will get back to reading the OP later, though.

[redqueen]

4. Ha!

Indeed... funny how actual science keeps proving that BS to be the BS it is.

[Neoma]

2. You know, I'd explain how that's true.

If it wasn't so graphic in content.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

5. YES! This is exactly what my guy says. However, the porn-obsessed disagree with this.

Of course.

[redqueen]

6. As more research is done...

I expect that it will become undeniable. At this point it's still just the elephant in the room.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

9. Yes... it's the thing that must not be spoken. nt

[seabeyond]

7. and who is still having and enjoying sex, and who isnt. again,

gonna get back into this thread in a bet when i have time.

you guy agrees with my guy

and thank god, lol

[Sarah Ibarruri]

8. Yup! One day though, I posted what my guy said and 2 here came at me with spears in their hands

The porn-obsessed crowd is very protective of their porn, you know. You can't say a bad word about it, or you'll be bashed big time.

[seabeyond]

10. i know. they call men who dont do porn... liars, lol. or challenge their masculinity. sad

isnt it?

what would happen if a woman attacked men in the manner men attack their own.

and why do men have to get a comfort that all men do it? are they really that insecure?

[redqueen]

11. Related: Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner?

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201201/why-do-i-find-porn-more-exciting-partner

Neuroscience reveals how Internet porn can trump real sex
Published on January 17, 2012 by Gary Wilson in Cupid's Poisoned Arrow

It's really hard to get erections when I'm trying to [have intercourse]. Takes about 20 minutes or so to get it up. Really embarrassing. But if I'm sitting and watching my pornz, it's almost instant.—Porn user in his 20s

Are you a heavy porn user who, during lovemaking, cannot consistently produce/sustain an erection or penetrate a real partner, feel much sensation, or climax (without difficulty)? If your doctor has ruled out organic causes for your woes, he/she is likely to hand you a trial pack of Viagra and refer you to counseling for your "sexual issues." The medical assumption is that your issue is psychological (performance anxiety) rather than physiological. After all, if you can get it up for porn, your penile health is fine.

Growing evidence suggests that the problem is indeed in your head, not your penis, but that it is primarily physical. Specifically, overstimulation has produced plastic changes in your brain, which make you less responsive to pleasure—and yet hyper-responsive to Internet porn. These addiction-related changes are called desensitization and sensitization, respectively. Together, they explain why porn does the job and your hot babe doesn't.

Before you panic, know that these brain changes appear to be reversible—most easily in guys who wired to real sex before highspeed Internet arrived. Guys who stop masturbating to porn generally regain their responsiveness during sex within a few months (often after a nasty withdrawal and a disconcerting, temporary absence of libido):

...

[CrispyQ]

17. "Takes about 20 minutes or so to get it up. Really embarrassing." Porn user in his 20s

20 minutes? Wow!

These addiction-related changes are called desensitization and sensitization, respectively. Together, they explain why porn does the job and your hot babe doesn't.

Who would want to set themselves up for this?

[seabeyond]

18. and who is not going to defend, argue, and refuse to see at all cost. i dont know if this is cnn,

same dude, but there was a young man, 23, who did a cnn interview on this, discussing how it has effect his sex life. and getting away from the stuff, has given it back to him. just huge cheers, for this very young man, being confident and secure enough, to go on tv and discuss this.

we are seeing it more and more.

for years, people argued, where are the studies, the fact, showing it is harmful. hadnt been enough time. a decade, we are seeing the results. it is no longer in question. marriage counselors say 57% of divorces has porn as the issue.

[Scout]

12. you know what kills me about all the porn/prostition threads....

the people who use porn and prostitutes claim that those of us who don't are the "abnormal" ones with a problem, ie, prudery, pearl-clutching, etc.

when actually WE are the normal ones because we can/do have sex with other people without having to pay them... the abnormal ones are the ones that have to have sex alone with their porn, or pay someone to do it with them.

[redqueen]

13. Yeah,

there was a huge argument in a sub thread of one of those many defensive reactionary threads (I think it was the one about guilt and strip clubs) in which someone tried to claim that it was really the non-strip-club goers who were the weirdos and everyone else just loves it, and some other guy was arguing with him, and it was really just quite sad all the way around.

[TheCruces]

14. But what about couples who watch porn together?

There are women who enjoy porn.

[redqueen]

15. I think we all know that there are women who enjoy porn.

This seems to be aimed at people who are having issues. The title isn't "Porn will... " but "How porn can..."

Just as I don't think everyone who picks up a pack of cigarettes is going to get cancer, or everyone who drinks will become an alcoholic, and of course everyone who eats doesn't become addicted to food... not everyone who uses porn will start having less enjoyment of real sex due to the addiction mechanisms in the brain kicking in. It's a possibility, not a certainty.

[seabeyond]

16. i can only go off what i see personally. the people i know who say they love it

and how it is later used as a weapon and control against the woman.

wife says no to sex, a husband grabs laptop, does porn in bed next to her, and inevitably she has sex. he brags he knows how to get sex. she, what? resents it.

a wife that doesnt care, later has a calendar of womans legs spread in kitchen to shame and control her with little kids wandering around. divorced.

a wife that is into it, her and hubby fighting, he pulls some out to jab at her, with me sitting there and then when hubby comes into room, throws at him to have him be a part of his game. hubby is pissed.

a very young woman who swears she loves porn and going to strip club with hubby, never reaches orgasm, is commanded to bj him when she walks into house (down on knees b*tch), and has no respect in a relationship they have had for years. totally messed up

my niece, very young, married to a young man, totally addicted to porn. participated with him until she couldnt figure out how she was supposed to get off watching gang rape (since she had been raped), and him nagging her to go to strip bars and watch him get off on other women. finding him getting up in mornings watching his porn to get off, without her. and her not getting it. totally turned her around on porn. she divorced him. after a separation he said he wouldnt use it. now he whines he has lost family. she refuses to date a man that does porn or goes to strip bars.

the only time porn has been brought into my life is when there has been issues with it. i am sure there are people that use it in a healthy, fun, mutual play. i dont know them. thumbs up to them. has it become a crutch for their sex life? a quick and easy getting off without connection? or just a fun and occasional form of stimulation?

that is not the point of the issue. not everyone and not every relationship is harmed by porn. a lot of them are. if we are going to talk about how ok porn is, surely we can address how it has become a big issue in relationships, marriages and individual lives.

[BlueIris]

19. Very sad story, about your niece. Glad she got away. nt

[seabeyond]

20. you understand these are different instances with different couples i have seen over the years.

she grew up in the household with the father that put porn in the kitchen as a means of control and shame over the wife. the mother submitted until she didnt anymore and left. 14 yrs later my brother is alone and still wants his X back.

there was a lot of good in the young man my niece married. he worshipped her (which i dont buy into) and was a very nice and good man. but, he allowed porn to rule his life, and such a young age, too. he grew up on it. didnt have a woman until 19, 20.

to lose all over this, that is sad.

she just continually saw him in a light that made her not even like him anymore.

that isnt all he is. but that became all he was for her.