So I bullied our dentist's secretary today on the phone. Got an appointment for tomorrow

[CTyankee]

She was saying my husband would have to go back to the oral surgeon's office to be seen. I said "NO, he said he would see him if needed" after the surgery.

I really hate bullying as a way of getting my way. It's distasteful and not the way I was brought up. But I felt that since the dentist himself had offered to see him "if he has any problems" I thought I was on safer ground.

My husband is OK, still swollen but feeling pretty good.

[CommonHumanity]

1. Doesn't sound like bullying to me

You simply insisted on important and needed follow-up that you had already been promised. Nothing wrong with that. Just mentioning this to suggest reframing it and let you know that I think you were still behaving in accord with the way you were raised.

[CTyankee]

3. The dentist is a great mensch himself, which is why I like him so much.

He probably cares so much for patients that he makes scheduling a bit of a nightmare for his office staff. I am endeared forever for taking me on short notice on Jan. 6 last year. I had a raging toothache, I knew it would mean extraction and there was the insurrection in Washington. I was crying when I got to his office. He pulled the tooth and wrote me a pain prescriiption which I filled and had a merciful drugged at home watching the violence at the capital. I have never forgotten his kindness.

[Rebl2]

2. Not bullying

to me. First you are advocating for your husband and also the dentist said he would see him if there were problems.

[CTyankee]

4. I think it's best for me to acknowledge to her that she has a tough job.

She has to deal with people who are in pain (or their loved one is) and that's difficult.