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Tue May 14, 2013, 05:19 PM

Relationship changes in recovery

yeah, I do keep posting don't I? I am having some painful changes in my life as I work on my recovery. How many here were able to stay in their relationship as they moved through the steps? I'd 'perciate the experience, strength and hope shared.

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Arrow 10 replies Author Time Post
Reply Relationship changes in recovery (Original post)
irisblue May 2013 OP
dixiegrrrrl May 2013 #1
libodem May 2013 #2
Name removed Jun 2013 #9
cally May 2013 #3
Old Codger May 2013 #4
NMDemDist2 May 2013 #5
Iggo May 2013 #6
irisblue May 2013 #7
NMDemDist2 May 2013 #8
tavalon Jun 2013 #10

Response to irisblue (Original post)

Tue May 14, 2013, 05:59 PM

1. I can share this with you...

There are actually 2 recoveries involved....the sobriety
and then the co-dependence issues.

Unless both people in a relationship can be clean and sober AND have worked the Co-de stuff, it is very very tough
to grow in the same direction.
Worse yet, it takes a few years to grow into the full recovery part of sobriety.

Thankfully, there is Al-Anon and also 12 Step Co-de groups.

Takes a hell of a lot of conscious work for 2 people to grow together.

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Tue May 14, 2013, 06:19 PM

2. Remember this tired old saw?

The spouse of the alcoholic is often sicker than the alcoholic? Sometime they will actively sabotage the recovery because the old familiar life is all they know and the change forces them to change too. It is FN hard, huh. Is he in alanon?

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Response to libodem (Reply #2)


Response to irisblue (Original post)

Tue May 14, 2013, 11:14 PM

3. I stayed in my relationship

and my husband chose to not go to al anon. It's taken work, much communication, and willingness to change on both our parts. After 6 years, I often hear my husband use AA sayings and certainly uses many of the tools without quite knowing where he got it.

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Wed May 15, 2013, 07:12 PM

4. Somehow

 

I managed to remain in my relationship, it took some doing but worked out., wife found alanon not to her liking she preferred AA instead,she said it seemed a more positive approach... 29 years later still working ok but still takes some work on both sides.

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Wed May 15, 2013, 07:44 PM

5. i (we) practice the 12 Traditions in our relationship

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu May 16, 2013, 12:22 PM

6. There wasn't a chance in hell that my relationship would survive.

I was subtracting myself from "the life" and she wasn't.

Our relationship was basically over the day I quit.

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 08:59 AM

7. still sober and clean. 6 months

This is a hard day...but it's a good one. Living with changes still scares me, but today is a good day and a hapy one

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Response to irisblue (Reply #7)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:48 PM

8. congrulations dear IrisB



it works if you work it cuz you're WORTH IT!!!

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Jun 6, 2013, 09:56 PM

10. I wasn't, but the relationship died for reason's other than my codependency

My husband was sicker than I was. As I got better, he got sicker and he took up with a woman who shows all the signs of a personality disorder. Now, I don't even recognize him, he acts so much like her. Sad.

But, I'm moving on. We still share a child, so I'm stuck with him on some level but it's helping with my boundary work.

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