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Sat Jun 1, 2013, 07:33 PM

 

5 Things Nobody Tells You About Quitting Drinking (cracked)

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_18824_5

One year ago, I was hospitalized. I won't bore you with the details, so let's just say I was struck down with a case of having an enormous penis. Several vials of blood were taken for various tests, all of them coming back positive for a magnificent, awe-inspiring dong, which I was already fully aware of. What I didn't expect, however, was the doctor's first question when explaining my results.
"So ... how much do you drink per day?"
I started to answer, but he threw up a hand to stop me and continued, "If you don't stop drinking right now, you'll be dead before you're 40. You're 35, and your liver is already showing signs of shutting down. Then again, the faster all the drunks die off, the more space we free up in this hospital for people with actual medical problems that are beyond their own control." Then he punched me in the face and hobbled out of the room on his cane.

So I quit, cold turkey, after 22 years of what could only be called the my penis of alcohol addictions. That was a little over a year ago, and during that time I've discovered some things about quitting booze that they manage to leave out of inspirational movie montages.
#5. The Stench

For the first couple of days, stretching into the first couple of weeks, you sweat your ass off. Even on cold days, you can't keep a shirt dry with all the king's deodorant and all the king's men ... putting that deodorant on for you. (I'm not good with metaphors.)

...
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_18824_5-things-nobody-tells-you-about-quitting-drinking.html#ixzz2V0iWS1iq

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Reply 5 Things Nobody Tells You About Quitting Drinking (cracked) (Original post)
Taverner Jun 2013 OP
NMDemDist2 Jun 2013 #1
tavalon Jun 2013 #2
NMDemDist2 Jun 2013 #3
Taverner Jun 2013 #4

Response to Taverner (Original post)

Sun Jun 2, 2013, 04:00 PM

1. well, he's nailed it down pretty tight IMHO n/t

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Response to NMDemDist2 (Reply #1)

Thu Jun 6, 2013, 10:15 PM

2. Wow, am I ever glad this isn't my monkey!

My monkey is a mean monkey, but this sounds like a gorilla on a bad day. Yikes.

I have this bottle of Vodka in my freezer - can't even remember why I bought it, but everytime I open the freezer, it rolls to the front and I think, "Damn, I need to get rid of this before it falls and I have to deal with Vodka everywhere. Since I can't remember why I bought it and it's been an annoyance for six months, I think I'm going to solve that annoyance right now.

My kid hates the smell of alcohol and pours it down the sink. I'm going to take a page from him and dump it.

And it's gone. Bottle in the recycle bin.

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Response to tavalon (Reply #2)

Sat Jun 8, 2013, 03:05 PM

3. ..



ain't it grand when the answer is so easy?

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Response to tavalon (Reply #2)

Thu Jun 13, 2013, 03:03 PM

4. Sometimes I feel like I got so many monkeys that I should start a zoo

 

Opiates, Alcohol...

Well just those two....but Opiates really is ANY opiate

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