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Sun Nov 24, 2019, 07:44 AM

First snow and I caught myself thinking of drinking

Even taking campral for alcoholism. I have had distance on campral with not drinking. I donít know how it works I just know it works for me. I tell you snow is a trigger it sounds foolish I caught myself thinking of opening up well making a beer run I have no booze at house.

What makes me want to drink is memories of my youth in army west Germany in mech infantry battalion. I was never in a war I was lucky. I caught a PCs from 82nd to Europe over a ankle I busted twice on drop zones.

We always drank in army in garrison at Bragg in Germany we drank in garrison but also on FTX field training exercise reforger certain iron we had booze on apc or 113 the tracks. It was just normal at 20 years old the mid 1980ís we would score beer on economy doing training. Always winter it seemed because ground was frozen.

Another big trigger is smell of diesel fuel in cold like when I used union jockey. Snowing the smell of diesel burning as trucks idle when you couldnít turn em off for fear of fuel freezing. It reminded me of apc infantry Europe that smell and I wanna drink.

Just alcoholism how it tries to work you this disease and it is a disease. I know I am not morally deficient I suffer from affliction. For 30 years I raised a family with my wife we are a couple. And I was union trucking I didnít drink everyday but when I drank I drank to get drunk.

Smoking bud

I remember in 2009 the bush depression union freight was hurting massive layoffs. In my job I get pissed random itís federal rules. And on that layoff I started smoking weed daily I could judge by seniority when I was getting my call back. And this was before years before campral almost a decade.

My wife mentioned doing bush depression for almost seven months smoking bud I hardly drank beer. Although my judgement was way off then the union freight company had mass call back and I had sit on personal time to clean out the weed from my system. And when I went back to work I never caught a random drug test for like 2 months better be safe.

Iím over my cravings I hope this morning I hit the pull up and dip bar with our sons. They love to outdo dad. Years ago when we had contractor do our deck and patio. I had him put in a pull up and dip bar in my mania I always have worked out since infantry. A ramble letting all know who suffer from the disease of addiction that TEB is sucking wind weíre all just human. And I cannot figure out this disease.

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Arrow 21 replies Author Time Post
Reply First snow and I caught myself thinking of drinking (Original post)
TEB Nov 2019 OP
4139 Nov 2019 #1
SouthernIrish Nov 2019 #2
irisblue Nov 2019 #3
Ohiogal Nov 2019 #4
wendyb-NC Nov 2019 #5
LatteLady Nov 2019 #6
DEbluedude Nov 2019 #7
Roy Rolling Nov 2019 #8
DEbluedude Nov 2019 #9
marble falls Nov 2019 #10
keithbvadu2 Nov 2019 #11
democrank Nov 2019 #12
erlewyne Nov 2019 #13
packman Nov 2019 #14
JDC Nov 2019 #15
Farmer-Rick Nov 2019 #16
Marthe48 Nov 2019 #17
McKim Nov 2019 #18
extvbroadcaster Nov 2019 #19
Always Randy Nov 2019 #20
Stuart G Nov 2019 #21

Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 08:12 AM

1. I can relate: snow equals fire pit + red wine for hours outside

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 08:36 AM

2. Praying for you, my friend.

Good to workout with the boys. Putting your thoughts down like you did also helps. Take care.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 08:51 AM

3. (((Teb)))

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:09 AM

4. I can't imagine the struggle you must face all the time

Or anyone fighting an addiction. Your posts help me understand. You're one of the good ones, TEB. Keep it going. And I wish the same to any and all who are reading this as well.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:11 AM

5. I know how this disease

is so irrational and mind boggling. It is best to give it the bums rush, when it rears it's ugly head. Resist, do something else.

I have been sober for almost 14 years, and yet the sudden impulse to have just one drink, can show up out the blue.


My drinking took over my life. I could not control how much I drank. My actions at times were problematic, even dangerous. It caused a lot grief, for my self and my loved ones. It also feels good not to wake still drunk physically sick, and full of regret. I don't want to enter that bleak pit of despair again.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:20 AM

6. Action coming from love

My mom was an alcoholic. Bad. We almost lost her several times. In her mid-40s she went to AA and got sober. Stayed that way for 6 yrs. before she died at age 52. Her drinking took a huge toll on her health and on our family. Those last six years were a remarkable gift to us.

I went to ACOA and it helped me a lot. The phrase ďAction coming from loveĒ has always stuck with me. Your sobriety, your choice to put your health and the family you love first, is action coming from love.

I have a great deal of respect for you and for anyone who can achieve and sustain a better life while living with the pull of addiction. Sending thoughts of compassion to you and your family. Best wishes for today and each day.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:26 AM

7. It's the smell of fresh-cut grass for me.

Weird. Been sober for 13 years and the only time I really get the urge is after I cut the lawn. It's like I can actually taste the ice cold beer. I used to drink while riding the mower and surpise!, didn't stop when the lawn was done. Anyway my friend (since we do share a common malady), good to hear that you didn't pick up.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:28 AM

8. Alcoholics *love* drinking, no?

Despite the consequences, even if itís just a fleeting moment, they love alcohol.

So whatís the opposite of love? Hate? So alcoholics should just hate alcohol to fix the problem?

No. The opposite of love isnít hate, itís indifference. Ignoring somebody.

So the opposite of loving alcohol is to ignore it, Fix the mind on something else other than hating alcohol. Simply hatingalcohol fills the mind with thoughts of alcohol. Fuck alcohol, donít give it a second thought. There are many things you are good at and worthy of the time from a great person like you. Do those things, think those things, love those things again.

Youíre worth having good things in your life.

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Response to Roy Rolling (Reply #8)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:32 AM

9. Easier said than done. nt

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:37 AM

10. When are you writing that damn book? I want the first copy!!! ...

just print out your posts here. Don't fix anything, it's great stuff just the way you wrote it.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:44 AM

12. Dear, dear TEB

Iím sending you the warmest hug you can imagine.....from the bottom of my heart.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:46 AM

13. Ah, green beer.

I remember those days.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:53 AM

14. I remember a recovering friend

who turned down my rum-infused cookies because he said even the taste/smell might set him off again. Must be tuff to navigate that road.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:54 AM

15. I ID with it.

But honestly, everything was a trigger for me. I just liked to drink. Last night I went to a hockey game, trigger. When we got out we went to dinner at a pizza place that shares a parking lot with a liquor store I'd pop into back in the day, trigger. The air was really crisp last night and walking into the restaurant, something about THAT made me think about how I used to live the time of year for drinking.

I think knowing you can't figure it out puts you in the right place. Happy holidays.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:57 AM

16. I remember when the Chiefs (E7/8/9) on base would hold their office hours in the club.

And nobody thought twice about it. You needed to talk to the chief? You went to the club bar and probobly had a beer or two while talking. The ships smelled of weed and nobody thought it was a problem... until it became a problem.

After about my 5th year in the Navy, they started cracking down on the use of alcohol, weed and other drugs in the Navy, especially on board carriers.

I guess I'm luckier than most, I never developed a problem but a lot of old timers did.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 09:58 AM

17. You are doing great

My sister recently started taking something to stop drinking. She is doing well.

I hope for you that someday snow is just snow and evocative smells remind you of other activities Happy Thanksgiving!

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 10:32 AM

18. Keep On My Friend

Keep on my friend, after being clean and sober for 40 years I learned that real life is more beautiful than life through an alchohol lense. Have you tried hot chocolate with anise flavor from a star anise? Switch to a new drug like hot chocolate. Snow is still the trigger but you would have a new solution. Boil a couple of star anise in a bit of water, steep and use in your hot chocolate.
You can do it!

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 10:37 AM

19. I know the feeling

When I was working in broadcasting the party never stopped. People drank, smoked weed, did blow - you name it. It took a long time for me to get out of that lifestyle. Hang in there, and remember that the feeling can be fleeting. I am sure you know the term "urge surfing" - ride it out and the desire will go away. Best wishes.

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Sun Nov 24, 2019, 01:40 PM

20. there is a seat waiting for you in the rooms of AA

the key for me to staying sober is ---don't drink ----go to meetings----but most of all is helping another alcoholic----my sobriety works best when I am getting out of my own head and trying to help others----it is the magic formula designed by the founders of AA------membership in AA, has its benefits----for me it is not about losing the right to drink but rather now having a "design for living" ---I see your comment "I cannot figure out this disease" ---The doctor's Opinion in the BIG BOOK gave me an understanding that helps keep me sober -----they told me when I joined ----give it try for 90 days ----and if you're not happy we'll refund your misery----I know ---that kinda stuff made me angry-----but it was a hard dose of truth------I was sick and tired of being sick and tired---------what helped me the most was my arrogance about the fact that something else was controlling my life-----I found a way to take back that control over drinking----good luck my friend ---

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Response to TEB (Original post)

Mon Nov 25, 2019, 12:10 PM

21. Your words define me too.." And I cannot figure out this disease."

.."If it were easy, it would be easy.....It is not easy".........

That is a saying that I often think about, over and over. Realizing that..".It is not easy.." I think, is part of what recovery is. There is deep within us a disease called..."Addiction" Tens of millions of people around the U.S.A. suffer from different kinds of addictions. Yes, we can get though this day without hurting ourselves or others. That is my goal. Thank You for your story. I really appreciate your story, and understand the struggle. Hang in there. We are not alone.

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