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XanaDUer2

(14,119 posts)
Sat Dec 23, 2023, 06:36 PM Dec 2023

This is a vent

I have tried to do something over this. Mr X miuses his Rxes. I'm trying to ignore it. Please don't tell me not to. He screams and yells if I say the mildest thing or concern. I'm trying to keep my mouth shut for my own mental health. I feel like I'm watching show motion suicide. I've written down the local funeral information for quick reference. I want a cheap cremation.

I'll have to tell his stupid family what he did, when he dies. And he smokes.

15 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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This is a vent (Original Post) XanaDUer2 Dec 2023 OP
I see you. I hear you. willamette Dec 2023 #1
Thank you XanaDUer2 Dec 2023 #2
He has me now trained not to say anything XanaDUer2 Dec 2023 #3
perception willamette Dec 2023 #4
I rely on him to pay bills XanaDUer2 Dec 2023 #5
Sounds like a scary situation, I'm wondering if Alanon could help? Rhiannon12866 Dec 2023 #6
Thank you XanaDUer2 Dec 2023 #7
You're more than welcome, and don't forget to check in anytime. Rhiannon12866 Dec 2023 #9
X kozar Dec 2023 #8
.TOTAL TRUTH . READ..NUMBER 8.... "JUST BE OK" "IT WILL BE OK"...KOZAR ..#8....NUMBER 8... Stuart G Dec 2023 #10
When I first joined AA, I also attended OA meetings with my AA sponsor Rhiannon12866 Jan 2024 #11
Congrats! XanaDUer2 Jan 2024 #12
Thanks so much! Rhiannon12866 Jan 2024 #13
Thank You for posting some of your experience in AA. Sharing our lives is very important here. Stuart G Feb 2024 #14
Awww, you're more than welcome. Sharing helps me, too. Rhiannon12866 Feb 2024 #15

willamette

(182 posts)
1. I see you. I hear you.
Sun Dec 24, 2023, 02:07 PM
Dec 2023

I think that planning on your future actions after he finishes self-destructing, and protecting yourself from his actions during the course, might be all that you can do right now.
Warm regards, with caring.

XanaDUer2

(14,119 posts)
2. Thank you
Sun Dec 24, 2023, 02:13 PM
Dec 2023

He was just in the bathroom doing it. Leaves the door open.. I'm supposedly his pension beneficiary for ten yrs. I'm supposed to get back account. I hate to be like that, but I have to think of myself. He pays rent and bills.

This time, I didn't say a word. He'll probably be getting his opioids this week. I was hoping to get my pension early, in case I need to leave. I can't get it. I've never seen such arrogance about ones health. He has esophageal precancer and drinks.
He seems to think he'll live to 100 bc his mother is 98. It doesn't work that way. Fucking asshole.

willamette

(182 posts)
4. perception
Mon Dec 25, 2023, 10:40 PM
Dec 2023

Mine thought that he had me completely cornered, and he was astonished when I left anyway, after 40 years. All it took in the end was realizing that he had truly come to despise me; that "I love you, but ..." was not the same as caring or nurturing. We were in a community property state, so I just needed to hang on until the divorce was final, after I moved out. I was able to take survival funds with me, which I lived on for the year that it took to finalize the distribution of property.
Good Luck to you, XanaDUer2, and enjoy the changing of the days this solstice season.

XanaDUer2

(14,119 posts)
5. I rely on him to pay bills
Tue Dec 26, 2023, 11:06 AM
Dec 2023

He's feeling shaky and dizzy today. He rushed into my room for meds and I found him heading across the room, I believe looking for my benzos. He's done this before and i caught him. He claims he was confused. I keep my benzos in my pocket.

A bill is coming today i need him to pay. I'm furious. But i have to keep quiet.

He's 71 and looks horrible. I know this is. A bad situation. But I'm stuck. TY for listening

Rhiannon12866

(222,804 posts)
6. Sounds like a scary situation, I'm wondering if Alanon could help?
Wed Dec 27, 2023, 05:28 AM
Dec 2023

I've been in AA since 2008 and in the beginning I went to Alanon as well with my AA sponsor, since that's where she started. It's for family and friends of alcoholics, but the longer I'm in AA the more people I meet are cross addicted. One of my good AA friends had the same problem. Both she and her husband got sober after joining AA, but she couldn't live with him anymore since he continued abusing his prescriptions. And they have a daughter, a teenager at the time, and when my friend went back to school the poor girl was scared to death if she found her father passed out on the floor or if he drove when she knew he shouldn't. He totaled their car and his mother's. Here's a link to Alanon meetings if you'd like to give them a try, I found them very welcoming and supportive.

https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/find-an-al-anon-meeting/

Rhiannon12866

(222,804 posts)
9. You're more than welcome, and don't forget to check in anytime.
Thu Dec 28, 2023, 05:51 AM
Dec 2023

And Alanon is always there if you decide it could help.

kozar

(2,889 posts)
8. X
Wed Dec 27, 2023, 09:20 PM
Dec 2023

Read my posts, when MrsK died, and left LilBit and I with nothing. I lived through a spouse dying., you can do this. Humor is a distraction, slow down ,accept your loss, we will all love you. Here, online. Just mark your abc’s in real life. Now! You are the strong one, we are DU , but we aren’t real life.
We love here . It. Will. Be. Ok.
Just accept, and ask , when you need.

And joke , 3men, walked in a bar,,,
Time to be serious here X, we look forward to you joking again
Koz

Stuart G

(38,726 posts)
10. .TOTAL TRUTH . READ..NUMBER 8.... "JUST BE OK" "IT WILL BE OK"...KOZAR ..#8....NUMBER 8...
Sun Dec 31, 2023, 08:41 AM
Dec 2023

NOT EASY.....BUT TOTAL TRUTH........AS SOMEONE SAID........."IF IT WERE EASY...IT WOULD BE ..."EASY.".....

SO WHERE DID I LEARN THIS???????????????????????????????????????????????????

IN A GROUP CALLED...............................".......OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS..........."...............THAT IS WHERE!!!!

KEEPING WEIGHT OFF..........IS NOT EASY...........SO.............WELL..............?........IN....1980 ...i WEIGHED ...210... POUNDS.

TODAY IT IS ABOUT 150..to 155.........I REALLY DON'T KNOW........I THREW AWAY THE SCALE IN 83.............
....i AM AT A VERY LOW WEIGHT FOR ME. I DON'T KNOW ...(but, I can now get into clothes that bought many years ago)
......................................................................................................(like 50 years ago, when I was a teenager )....yes.................
........................................................I SAVE EVERYTHING.......................but that is another problem for another time...

Rhiannon12866

(222,804 posts)
11. When I first joined AA, I also attended OA meetings with my AA sponsor
Mon Jan 1, 2024, 08:43 PM
Jan 2024

She needed OA and my issue was just the opposite - when I drank, I didn't eat though I continued to cook every night. My weight got so low that I was threatened with hospitalization. I had to learn to eat normally again and OA was very helpful for me. And we also used the AA Big Book, substituting the word "alcohol" with "food." I've learned that many women in AA who drank when they cooked still have trouble being in the kitchen, like my sponsor, but I'm fortunately not one of them. This April it will be 15 years for me.

Rhiannon12866

(222,804 posts)
13. Thanks so much!
Tue Jan 2, 2024, 07:37 PM
Jan 2024

It took me awhile, but I found the right AA sponsor - or rather she found me. She knew that I had no clue what to do, so she took me to meetings, introduced me to helpful others and, most important, stuck with me. And I will always be grateful to her.

Stuart G

(38,726 posts)
14. Thank You for posting some of your experience in AA. Sharing our lives is very important here.
Mon Feb 5, 2024, 02:41 AM
Feb 2024

These addictions are part of living through hell. We need each other to get through life.

Yes, we need each other ...One Day At A Time. ........Thank You Again. ....

Rhiannon12866

(222,804 posts)
15. Awww, you're more than welcome. Sharing helps me, too.
Mon Feb 5, 2024, 02:57 AM
Feb 2024

Went to a meeting tonight which was compromised of a number of long timers as well as a few new joins. And I have never forgotten what that's like, wondering if I'd ever make it, but I had an amazing sponsor who stuck with me, told me what to do, and was the best example I could have had. The topic tonight was spirituality - it's not something that I can define, but I feel it when I'm at a meeting and I'm always reassured that I'm going to make it when I feel the power of the rooms. And I try to pay that forward since I had such a great example.

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