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XanaDUer2

(14,307 posts)
Fri Jun 21, 2024, 06:44 PM Jun 2024

Called an enabler

I met a woman on reddit, since my doctor told me get out more. I've listened to her rant about her personal issues hours on the phone. Weve been to the beach twice over months. I felt us doing anything was predicated on her health issues.

I thought I could open up a bit about my home life. I e my SO drinking. He asked us to buy wine while out. I asked her could we stop at a grocery store. She called me an enabler. So, I was sorry I said anything to her. She's a chain smoker.

Maybe I am an enabler, but if buying wine keeps me from fighting and getting yelled at, I'm buying the fucking wine for peace and quiet. Wish I never said anything. Shes annoyed with me anyway, so that short-lived "friendship" is over. I've posted on a local meetup site, still awaiting approval.

She also stressed me out about money and told me she'll be well off when her husband dies. That made me feel shitty.

Just my tale. Don't judge until you've walked in my shoes. Been depressed. Thanks

ETA my SO is an adult and will start screaming if I even broach the subject of his addictions.

9 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Walleye

(35,973 posts)
1. You need to do whatever it is you need to do. Don't listen to other people, they don't live your life
Fri Jun 21, 2024, 06:47 PM
Jun 2024

I think of the Tom Petty song. Nobody knows what it’s like to be me

XanaDUer2

(14,307 posts)
2. When we met, this woman and I
Fri Jun 21, 2024, 06:53 PM
Jun 2024

I let her know I can't drive long distances due to a shitty old car. She said that was NO PROBLEM and she loves to drive. Now she's pissed I can't drive to her house. And she's sick of planning. But I figured she's the sick one. Isn't it up to her if she can do something?

I would every few days, text and say, how's your sick mother? How you doing? Etc. She never texted me once to ask how I'm doing.

MotownPgh

(364 posts)
5. Can you attend al anon or narc anon
Fri Jun 21, 2024, 07:41 PM
Jun 2024

meetings? These people will understand what you are dealing with much more than a new acquaintance.

Walleye

(35,973 posts)
7. I have a hard time with those kind of relationships, I think I'm sort of autistic spectrum or aspergers or something
Fri Jun 21, 2024, 10:13 PM
Jun 2024

The only real friends I have I’ve known for 50 years.Keep believing things will get better. It’s all we can do.

XanaDUer2

(14,307 posts)
8. I couldn't say something she was driving
Sat Jun 22, 2024, 02:45 PM
Jun 2024

It was embarrassing picking up wine, but i didn't want a fight when I got home.

So I'm an enabler.

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