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Fri Aug 21, 2020, 08:53 PM

Am I a bad person?

I was at a paint class tonight and like Midway seeing how badly I was doing after not painting for almost 6 months. I started having severe panic and I didn't want to like get up and leave during the whole entire thing so I had somebody manufacturer an emergency so I could have an excuse to leave.

I offer to pay her but she didn't accept any money she just told me she would hold it for me next time.

I guess you could say my mental health turn me into a big asshole huh? Cuz it's such an asshole thing to do

But I was getting worse as I was sitting there with my mask on and breathing heavily and feeling still sick to my stomach

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Arrow 20 replies Author Time Post
Reply Am I a bad person? (Original post)
vercetti2021 Aug 2020 OP
irisblue Aug 2020 #1
SheltieLover Aug 2020 #2
vercetti2021 Aug 2020 #10
SheltieLover Aug 2020 #11
mr_lebowski Aug 2020 #3
WhiteTara Aug 2020 #4
vercetti2021 Aug 2020 #9
WhiteTara Aug 2020 #12
vercetti2021 Aug 2020 #13
WhiteTara Aug 2020 #14
cwydro Aug 2020 #15
WhiteTara Aug 2020 #16
cwydro Aug 2020 #17
ihas2stinkyfeet Oct 2020 #19
Timewas Aug 2020 #5
KY_EnviroGuy Aug 2020 #6
vercetti2021 Aug 2020 #8
shenmue Aug 2020 #7
XanaDUer2 Sep 2020 #18
demigoddess Oct 2020 #20

Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Fri Aug 21, 2020, 08:59 PM

1. Nope never

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Fri Aug 21, 2020, 09:08 PM

2. No you are not a bad person!

You are under a great deal of stress!

Please be kind to yourself! Are you familiar with self-compassion? It's a big deal in psych these days. What would you say to a friend experiencing the same thing? Here is a great link:

https://self-compassion.org/

Also, please consider Yale's free Science of Well Being online course. If you choose to sign up, you will immediately get the 1st week of videos.

People I know who have tried it have told me they felt much better after the 1st video! The course has 20k reviews with 5 stars.

Here is the link:

https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being?utm_source=gg&utm_medium=sem&utm_content=01-BrandedSearch-US&campaignid=380484307&adgroupid=102187343498&device=m&keyword=&matchtype=b&network=g&devicemodel=&adpostion=&creativeid=433079694377&hide_mobile_promo&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4f35BRDBARIsAPePBHww5MWLs_i69xUR8kMJI9mociGKzQFEMMOyPrIUmqT8vC8BnLR33rgaAtzDEALw_wcB

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Response to SheltieLover (Reply #2)

Sat Aug 22, 2020, 01:43 AM

10. Are these self-help videos?

Are they meant to do good for like meditation and the brain and the stress dealing?

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #10)

Sat Aug 22, 2020, 04:47 AM

11. Yes, they are.

The Yale course is videos.

Self-compassiom is a concept of being as kind, forgiving, and loving towards self as others.

I hope you will consider taking a look at them. They are both free & can't hurt you in any way.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Fri Aug 21, 2020, 09:16 PM

3. That's not at all an asshole thing to do, Vercetti ...

Give yourself a break.

It says a lot about you that you view what you did as something mean ... it shows that you're very caring towards others.

That is laudable, but you mustn't forget to care for yourself.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Fri Aug 21, 2020, 09:17 PM

4. I'm glad to hear you took care of yourself.

The only thing I might have done differently was not to give a reason, but simply say, "I apologize, I have to leave."

I decided after decades of making excuses, that I didn't owe anyone an excuse. Simple statements work just as well.

But, hey, I'll bet you have some great art waiting to emerge.

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Response to WhiteTara (Reply #4)

Sat Aug 22, 2020, 01:42 AM

9. I feel like everything I have to do it has to be some kind of excuse

I think the worst part is I had to make up something about my dog being sick and I think that was really shitty of me to do. Because I didn't want to just walk away because it's very uncharacteristic of me

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #9)

Sat Aug 22, 2020, 10:18 AM

12. It's a common fallacy.

You do NOT need to make excuses. Simple declarative statements suffice. Try it just one time and you'll find yourself free. I know this to be true.

You can excuse yourself, "I'm sorry, I have to leave right now." It works just as well and you don't have to feel shitty cause you wished sickness on your dog!

Big hugs. I hope you feel better today.

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Response to WhiteTara (Reply #12)

Sat Aug 22, 2020, 02:13 PM

13. Never would wish sickness on my dog

I just said she was sick. I hope Karma doesn't bite me for that one later.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #13)

Sat Aug 22, 2020, 02:21 PM

14. Bottom line

you did what you needed to do to keep yourself safe.

Still my advice: Never explain (make excuses.) Just state your needs/actions and then do it.

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Response to WhiteTara (Reply #14)

Sun Aug 23, 2020, 09:49 AM

15. So true.

It took me years to realize this.

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Response to cwydro (Reply #15)

Sun Aug 23, 2020, 10:10 AM

16. Me too, and now

I feel absolutely free. My partner thinks I'm odd, but I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation unless asked and then I just tell the truth. In that case, it would be, I need to leave.

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Response to WhiteTara (Reply #16)

Sun Aug 23, 2020, 11:07 AM

17. It is freedom.

Youre exactly right.

Wish Id figured that out years earlier. We really often make our own lives harder than they need to be; I certain did.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Reply #9)

Sat Oct 3, 2020, 05:24 PM

19. maybe look at it this way-

 

when you said your dog was sick, you put an emotional burden on whoever you told to care about your sick dog. and to worry about you- could you afford to take the dog to the vet? was it going to be hard on you to take care of the dog? did you have a way to get them to the vet? was it going to make you miss something important? did you feel bad that you had to leave the class?

a simple- i have to go would not only have worked fine, it would have worked better.

you dont need to worry about what other's think. that is their issue. just take care of yourself and do what you have to do.

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Fri Aug 21, 2020, 09:19 PM

5. We all

Do what we must in order to get by one way or the other... Doesn't make us bad makes us survivors

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Fri Aug 21, 2020, 09:36 PM

6. No, you are good. Many of us have isolated and are shy about going out.

I'm an introvert and notice I'm uncomfortable around people during the few trips when I've ventured out.

You might consider practicing some at home with your painting before trying the class again.

Also remind yourself you are painting for you and not for anyone else.

Big DU hugs to you for sharing!........

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Response to KY_EnviroGuy (Reply #6)

Sat Aug 22, 2020, 01:39 AM

8. I've always been mediocre at painting

But the more I watched others do so much better the more I began to lose focus. I was missing the instructions, messing up more and more. I really started to panic and hyperventilate into my mask. I felt sick to my stomach and my body was aching.

I mean I work in the public all the time and I wear a mask all day so it was very odd

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Fri Aug 21, 2020, 11:02 PM

7. It's ok

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Sat Sep 12, 2020, 06:31 PM

18. You did whst you had to. I suffer from panic attacks

So I get it. She sounds kind

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Response to vercetti2021 (Original post)

Mon Oct 19, 2020, 03:14 PM

20. you sound normal to me.

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