Had a really bad crash today

[TrogL]

Still going on. I've spent the entire day at the office trying not to burst into tears or just quit.

I think my bipolar and Aspergers-lite is acting up.

Several odd encounters with my boss. My boss's boss told me off about using something I didn't know we weren't supposed to use (then why does my key work??). Had three strange encounters with the boss's boss's boss over the last few days. She seems fascinated with the way I've got my cubicle set up. I've got a few more pictures than some people and lots of cheat-sheets and diagrams but other people have lots more stuff. I don't know if she just likes it or doesn't like it or what the fuck is going on. We had what I thought was a nice chat about cats but I'm wondering if I came across as lecturing.

Then some stupid shit happened, then some other stupid shit happened, then some other stupid shit happened, then I discovered I'd forgotten to something but nobody'd noticed yet, then I had to do something terrifying and I thought it had all gone horribly wrong, then it fixed itself (which I don't like) and now I'm just sitting waiting for everybody else to get their shit done so i can go sit in the truck and cry before I try driving home.

[TrogL]

1. Update: Trying not to throw up

WTF is going on?

[mopinko]

2. this is what it is.

this is what it is to have these sorts of short circuits in the brain. you'll be ok. you just have to ride it out.
do you really think there will be repercussions?
does your boss know you are bipolar?
any chance that you can explain the stupid shit?

you know, this is a moment for radical acceptance. you are who you are. you fuck shit up, we all fuck shit up. shit gets fucked up. hug it. let it in. accept that you are who you are.

that's my lame assed advice.

[TrogL]

4. boss knows about the Aspergers

No way no hell am I going to try to explain bipolar. This place has a high turnover rate and they just look for excuses. What that's gaining them, I have no idea but in this job market I suspect they think they're looking for the best of the best. The problem is, the best of the best won't put up with their shit and they quit. I'm old and damn lucky to get this job and intend to retire in it.

The "stupid shit" is just tech stuff irrelevant to the discussion. We're implementing new technology on multiple fronts and there's teething pains.

I have no idea whether there will be repercussions or not. I'm known for taking direction well but occasionally have to have the obvious pointed out to me, especially with social stuff. One boss said "You're a boffin - I know how to handle boffins", another sat me down and laboriously taught me useful social scripts such as the watercooler conversation and the elevator dance. The latest guy is still at the "psssst...your shoelace is undone" stage. Everybody's been on pins and needles with the new BBB but she seems fine to me but who am I to know. If she announces an "open door" policy I have no idea what to think because in an old job there was an "open door" policy, but if you used it, all the people in between got pissed off. There have been complaints about how I dress - black jeans (there's some crawling on the floor required so I'm not wearing dress pants), golf shirt, black running shoes (or hiking boots in winter), heavy sweater - that I eat at my desk (there's 150 people in the office and lunch area seating for about 25), that my desk is cluttered (working documents, manuals, tools, broken stuff I'm working on) and that I'm unfriendly/distant/brusque or whatever. I'm a geek - it comes with the territory.

I can't fuck shit up. They have a special meeting with graphs and stuff where they make a big toodoo about not pointing fingers at people who fuck shit up but nobody's fooled including me.

[Denninmi]

3. Damn, so sorry to hear of your problems. I wish I knew the right thing to say.

I'm too new to all of this myself, so I don't really have any advice, except maybe if this is still going on tomorrow call you psych. and tell him or her you're having this. Maybe your meds need to be adjusted.

Honestly, I hope you can calm down. Sounds like you're having a panic attack. I had plenty of them in August, they're not fun.

Thinking the best possible thoughts for you. Please post more if you think we can help.