Anyone have problems finding friends?

[Neoma]

I'm not particularly shy. Everyone tends to be accaintances, and when I go in full depression mode, I isolate and they drop out of my life naturally. Then I go full on manic, meet a dozen people more and the same thing happens. Never a real connection nor do they seem to want a connection with me anyways. Even after meeting more than once, or when I know they have the time.

I go to libraries, bookstores, teashops, etc. No matter where, everyone is hidden behind their laptop or smart phone. Groups at the library hasn't really worked, and the only thing where people actually comes up to me, is when I dye my hair blue.

This is a real dilemma because I end up wanting to go back to the hospital to make friends. Even though they always turn into unhealthy relationships. You feel as if you belong in a community, even for a short while. Which I think has come to be a real problem.

[Neoma]

2. Rarely get circumstances like that.

I wish I could go up to someone and say, "Hello I'm Neoma, do you like Lobster?
"Not really."
"Me either!"
Ta-da! New friend.

[BeHereNow]

4. The recluse thing is what always kills it for me.

I recently made friends with a wonderful woman- we have many things in common.
I think I have effectively killed the friendship by my recluse behavior.
It's really hard to explain to people why I need to withdraw for months at a time.
It makes me sad, but there are times I can not deal with people.

At least you go out and make the effort.
I wish I could do that.

BHN

[Neoma]

5. Just mention the problem.

I'm usually upfront about that sort of thing.

[murielm99]

7. I withdraw, too.

I am not sure how to explain it.

When you withdraw, do you still come to DU? What public interactions do you still involve yourself with? Can you talk on the phone to people you know, or is that part of your withdrawal, too?

It is a good thing I have a husband who understands. He does not force any social interaction on me.

[Tobin S.]

6. I'll be your friend, Neoma

Even if it's just in the message board sense. I live in Richmond, Indiana, btw. Don't know if you are close. I see from your profile that you like non-fiction books and documentaries. I'm into both of those things, too, especially documentaries.

[fizzgig]

8. i don't think i could fill two hands with honest to gods friends

i'm not shy, but i'm awkward and generally don't like a whole lot of people. plus, i also have the tendency to just disappear for periods of time. hell, i'm shocked a few of them even talk to me anymore. i've filtered through a lot of acquaintances, it's hard to find people i click with.

[mdmc]

9. Making friends is a hard one

Any friend should therefore be cherished..

Some thoughts-
join a group you connect with - moveon.org, the local dem party or peace coalition, history group, NAMI, yadda yadda.. Think about the type of people you would want to meet, then try to find a group to sidle up to.

smile. studies show this is the key to making friends.

This year I have three local political races that are interesting. I am willing to work hard for free, and politicians eat up good workers with relish. Try GOTV (getting out the vote) for some local dems or greens.

In my area there are three different day programs for MH clients. I would go to a day program and see if they have anything that interests you. You might be able to start a political discussion group for MH people. What joy.

Lastly, keep posting in this forum. We good people here - we are real - we exist and friendship form.

[xfundy]

10. I do, too.

I guess I'm lucky in that I never had the "manic" part, just the depression. Used to tell my bipolar friends I envied 'em that part of the illness, at least until I found out how awful it can be.

Making friends never came easily to me, either. They say, though, that while you may know lots of people, you can count your true, lifelong friends on one hand.

My small circle of true friends, in nearly every case, isn't composed of the sorts of people I would have looked for or pictured as potential friends, which I find interesting.

Certainly your periodic changes (up/down) would be confusing to someone you'd just met; I guess people do kind of go by first impressions in many ways. I imagine someone who met you during a really UP time would have a very different impression than someone who met you on the downswing. (Speculation on my part!)

Do you go to a support group? I made some pretty good buddies there, and we occasionally went together to movies, hiking, camping, road trips, etc.

DU is a community, too, though I've never met anyone from here in person (that I know of), I feel as though I have access to lots of really smart, creative, energized people here. (And of course the occasional troll.)

Good luck in every way.

[momto3]

11. Same here. I have never had a long term friend.

I meet people and push them away due to my own feelings of inadequacy. I think people see me as arrogant, when I am really insecure and introverted. This keeps them away. I have had acquaintances over the years, in the various cities in which I live. As soon as I move on, it is like they never existed. No there fault, mine. I always have trouble keeping in touch with people. It usually boils down to "Why would they want to keep in touch with me"? This leads to a very lonely existence.

I am trying. I just joined a Tae Kwon Do school and am starting to develop some relationships. I have to force myself to let others in.