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Tue Jun 11, 2013, 04:01 AM

Extroverted social anxiety and a world of animosity...

I'm not your typical person with social anxiety. I have a strong personality and the way I learned to deal with my extreme shyness and social anxiety as a child was to become something of an extrovert. However I'm not your average extrovert either as my extroversion stems from a deep well of insecurity and fear of others. I desperately want to be liked and so I seek out positive attention from them by engaging and talking with those around me. I seem excessively friendly as a result and can get along with most anyone. But this is only skin deep. I've never managed to form long term friendships as "taking it to the next stage" so to speak entails too much anxiety for me. I have to expose too much of my fragile emotional core to make REAL friends. So what I have are lots of very nice acquaintances who probably would tell you I'm one of the friendliest people they have ever met, but few if any people who would actually say they know me. The thing with social anxiety is the world seems like a very harsh place. I very often feel a false sense of animosity emanating from people around me when I fail to engage with them or even just making eye contact. I often get looks from people that create great anxiety in me. I feel they are passing judgment on me, I swear I can almost read what's going g on in their heads "what the fuck is that guy doing over there?", "he doesn't belong here, what an idiot". The reality is usually these people are just neutral, they aren't mean or unfriendly at all. Because of this I have to constantly tell myself that I'm probably overreacting, but of course this doesn't always work and something always manages to slip by and hurt me.

Does anyone share any of these difficulties?

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Reply Extroverted social anxiety and a world of animosity... (Original post)
Locut0s Jun 2013 OP
Tobin S. Jun 2013 #1
libodem Jun 2013 #2
olddots Jun 2013 #3
Tobin S. Jun 2013 #5
olddots Jun 2013 #6
Tobin S. Jun 2013 #8
Locut0s Jun 2013 #7
hunter Jun 2013 #4

Response to Locut0s (Original post)

Tue Jun 11, 2013, 05:29 AM

1. I felt that way to a much greater degree in the past.

What you are feeling is paranoia. It seems to be mild at this point, as far as an illness goes, but if it gets worse I'd definitely get in touch with a doctor about it. As it is, I'd still get in touch with a doctor about when you get back home.

I used to think people were judging me all the time and thinking bad things about me. It got extremely bad, to the point that it gave me a sort of reverse messianic complex. I eventually ended up thinking that I was so bad that I wasn't even really human. I was some kind of unevolved remnant from our evolutionary history and my mere presence on the planet was holding everyone in the world back from experiencing a higher state of reality and consciousness. I had to die so that everyone could move on. That was the state I was in when I entered the hospital for mental health treatment last time.

So do you see why I say it's mild at this point? But don't let that keep you from seeking treatment. That state of mind you are in, and I take it you are in it pretty much all of the time, can get much worse quickly for reasons known and unknown. It's definitely a problem and it definitely needs to be treated.

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Response to Locut0s (Original post)

Tue Jun 11, 2013, 09:27 AM

2. You aren't the only one

My mom was shy and it came through the genes. I have compensated, too. One difference is I have made an excellent circle of friends. I have good support that way.

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Response to Locut0s (Original post)

Tue Jun 11, 2013, 12:35 PM

3. I feel that way and it is part of modern life.

 

We stereotype and diagnose others and ourselves for an easy fix of trying to understand our existence. When we are tuned in we see how uncomfortable the " comfortable " are and how maybe life is just an angst filled void.
My favorite expression sometimes is " fuck em if they can't take a joke " we judge and are judged --its a waste of time and we don't have much time .
We act , react and over react . I feel if I don't create waves ,act like a clown ,fool or Mr. sensitive nobody would pay attention to me -----joke is everybody is doing the same thing ,in those tiny moments when people let their guard down friendships are created but they can be destroyed just as fast . Do any of us have friends ? only if we can jive ourselves into believing it .

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Response to olddots (Reply #3)

Tue Jun 11, 2013, 06:23 PM

5. That's a rather nihilistic view of things.

Things can and do get better for people all the time. Change requires action, though. To take the right action you need to make good choices. To make good choices it helps to be in a good frame of mind. The OP is not in a good frame of mind and I think there's more to it than just feeling insecure or shy. We all doubt ourselves sometimes. Most of us do not doubt ourselves all the time, like Locut0s.

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Response to Tobin S. (Reply #5)

Wed Jun 12, 2013, 02:17 AM

6. oh forget it

 

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Response to olddots (Reply #6)

Wed Jun 12, 2013, 05:14 AM

8. You think a positive attitude is sickening?

Most of us have the power to make our lives better, but few of us seem to know it. I've gone from being suicidal and fighting incredible depression and psychosis for ten years to having a happy and full life- from the worst state of mind that you could possibly imagine to being whole and healthy. I'm not buying that we're-all-doomed-so-you-might-as-well-just-give-up crap.

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Response to Tobin S. (Reply #5)

Wed Jun 12, 2013, 03:31 AM

7. I don't think i doubt myself all the time...

But I know what you are talking about. I'm not sure my issues would progress to the level of paranoia and psychotic break that you suffered. However I don't discount the possibility either. One thing I neglected to mention is that I rather enjoy talking to people IF I manage to engage them. I get something of a high out of it infact. Perhaps I feel, " hay I'm doing this and it's fun!".

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Response to Locut0s (Original post)

Tue Jun 11, 2013, 04:11 PM

4. Off my meds eye contact, touch, freaks me out. I'm a feral animal doing my best to be invisible.

My "friendly act" is a means of escape. A deception. "Good dog!" they say while I'm a wild coyote trying to flee.

As a troubled college student the campus police and county sheriff had me on their "mostly harmless" list, someone who was an amusing distraction from the usual shit they had to deal with. It's 2 in the morning and Hunter has lost his clothes on the beach. That's good for a laugh, coffee, and a donut break. Take him home.

Roomies, cops pounding on the door, now?

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