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[Tobin S.]

This message was self-deleted by its author (Tobin S.) on Sat Dec 24, 2016, 05:58 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[elleng]

1. I'm so sorry to hear this, Tobin.

I know something(s) about bad family relations, as they exist between my 2 daughters. The younger doesn't want to speak with the older, who emotionally bullied her for years, and they both have babies who, of course, haven't met. 200 miles apart anyway. Things are relatively quiet now. but I know they both think about it. Their father, estranged from me. passed 1+ years ago, so can be of no help. Not sure he could have been if he'd survived, as he was always against therapy, which the older REALLY needs, imo.

I learned to be quiet about this stuff, and listen to what they think and feel.

Best wishes to you. We understand.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. I'm so sorry, my dear Tobin...

The holidays are supposed to be happy times, and sometimes the pressure of "supposed to" can make things worse.

I remember a long time ago when I needed such a therapist, and a friend told me about a mental health clinic where people who were becoming marriage and family therapists did talk therapy. But the cool thing was the fees were on a sliding scale. You paid what you could afford to pay. This was because the therapists were students nearing the end of their training, and were working under the supervision of licensed therapists. It was a great setup.

There might be such a place near your sister. I don't know how you go about finding such a place, I'm sorry to say.

I hope she can get some help.

[Tobin S.]

3. Thank you, Peggy.

I don't know of such a place near my sister, but it's certainly something I can check into for her.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. Good luck!

[mopinko]

5. ugh. gonna be a tough one around here, too.

i almost have the nerve to go to my sister's for an early xmas. havent been in a while, but with so much going on, and after a fucking lonely thanksgiving, i really want to go. got to see one of the nephews a while ago, and it's the kids i miss. my sisters can go.....

i dread who i will run into, i sure hope my middle daughter was not planning on coming. tho i doubt she will if i do.
havent spoken to her since the divorce thing started, and not looking forward to it. she is really seeing the whole thing through a lens of unacknowledged malfunction. so sucked into the drama.
only really talking to one of the 4 kids.

best of luck w your sister. does she want to see someone? do you talk to her often? is her life ok?

i just want to hibernate. pretend it isnt happening.
so many shake ups.

i know one thing about the holidays, tho. i am gonna be soooooooooooooo glad to see a new year.

[olddots]

6. every year I wonder how we all pull thru this

It seems to get worse not better but somehow the holiday festivities of fake joy and warmth go away .
We were so hyped about the TV holidays all fuzzy &warm and life isn't like that so reality seems surreally misserable .The father in law has a 3 minute memory and spews mean shit while our daughter melts down every 2 minutes .I just want to die or be a million miles away in my own TV dream world or find some substance to make it all go away but fuck it because it will happen again and again

[steve2470]

7. about a therapist....

Does your county have a mental health center ? It should.

http://aspirehealthpartners.com/program-details/?program=52

That's an example from my county. If you type into Google the words mental health services "my county" with the name of your county and state, you should find the closest mental health center. Worst case scenario, it might be the county next to yours.

Good luck, and I'll help you if you need more help.

[hunter]

8. I'm ready to abandon Christmas.

If I'm posting as a stinky homeless person from a public library next year, that may be one of the reasons.

I'm envying my parents today. They moved away to a remote tropical place where they can mostly ignore the holiday.