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Thu Jun 2, 2016, 09:53 PM

not doing so hot right now

i am sad and so damned lonely right now that it hurts.

my husband has been in dick mode for weeks and it's been about three weeks since he's given me so much as a hug or a peck on the cheek. i know that he is recovering from a serious illness that landed him in the hospital but he's shouting at me for asking such egregious questions as when he gets paid (he was a few weeks out from starting a new job after quitting the old one and was out of work for about five weeks) and verifying that the charge on the bank account from the junk yard was, in fact, the right amount (he said he charged six bucks and the account showed a $26 charge). he shouted at me for ten minutes last night and there was no where for me to go since we were in the car on the other side of town.

i haven't spoken to my oldest and best friend in two months because every time i'd try to talk to her or even share a giggle on fb, she'd throw a load of hate and anger in my face. she was so nasty with me when i reached out to her when her dad died that, despite my best efforts to not take it personally, i have stopped initiating communication with her and she has not even tried to talk to me since.

i am trying to not take this shit personally but none of this is my fucking fault. i have been fortunate to not have experienced much trauma in my life but i go out of my way to not be shitty to people who are just trying to say "i love you and i'm here for you."

the few friends i have in town have no time for me and neither does my good friend who lives the next state over. no one makes the effort to even shoot me a message once in awhile to ask me how i'm doing. my dad is a bit upset that i don't call as often as i used to but he never picks up the fucking phone to call me. i haven't talked to my sister but once or twice in the last couple of months.

on top of it all, the world is just making me sad right now. i'm still stuck in a bit of a hole right now and can't find joy in much of anything. we're going to a show in denver on sunday and staying the night and i'm really excited about it, but i'm also really worried that my husband is just going to keep up with his shit and ruin the night.

i just want someone to hold me while i cry and there is no one i can go to.

15 replies, 1545 views

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Arrow 15 replies Author Time Post
Reply not doing so hot right now (Original post)
fizzgig Jun 2016 OP
elleng Jun 2016 #1
fizzgig Jun 2016 #6
elleng Jun 2016 #9
CaliforniaPeggy Jun 2016 #2
fizzgig Jun 2016 #7
CaliforniaPeggy Jun 2016 #11
flamin lib Jun 2016 #3
fizzgig Jun 2016 #8
retrowire Jun 2016 #4
fizzgig Jun 2016 #10
PoliticalMalcontent Jun 2016 #5
fizzgig Jun 2016 #12
PoliticalMalcontent Jun 2016 #13
Politicub Jun 2016 #14
steve2470 Jun 2016 #15

Response to fizzgig (Original post)

Thu Jun 2, 2016, 10:04 PM

1. Ditto, fizz,

except my problems are that my daughter has problems similar to yours, 2 little kids and 'difficult' spouse; they may be breaking up; I can't bear to think of it.

and I can't stand to think of you so unhappy. The world is very sad.

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Response to elleng (Reply #1)

Fri Jun 3, 2016, 11:04 PM

6. we had a beautiful sunset tonight and it made me think of you

i wish i could have shared it with you.

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Response to fizzgig (Reply #6)

Fri Jun 3, 2016, 11:16 PM

9. Glad to hear it!

BLAH here. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

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Response to fizzgig (Original post)

Thu Jun 2, 2016, 10:30 PM

2. Oh my dear fizzgig...

I'm so sorry to read this. You know if I were there, I'd give you a big hug and a kleenex.



I'm glad you posted. This is just why we have this Group: so we can vent and people will hear you.

I wish I knew how to help.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Reply #2)

Fri Jun 3, 2016, 11:08 PM

7. you are always such a dear

things have been a struggle for a bit now and i had to get it all out. today was better than yesterday and i'm hoping for a better weekend.

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Response to fizzgig (Reply #7)

Fri Jun 3, 2016, 11:21 PM

11. I'm glad I was there and saw your post...

I've had folks comfort me when I was down too, and I know how much it helps...



Here's to a great weekend!

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Response to fizzgig (Original post)

Thu Jun 2, 2016, 10:36 PM

3. Wish I were there. Can't really help and nobody really knows what you're feeling right now

but a touch can help. Sorry you're so far away.

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Response to flamin lib (Reply #3)

Fri Jun 3, 2016, 11:10 PM

8. it helped to get all this out

and i love you guys and how wonderful you are.

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Response to fizzgig (Original post)

Thu Jun 2, 2016, 10:39 PM

4. Fizzgig!

Know that it hurt my heart reading about the pains that are burdening you right now. You've got a friend in me and the rest of us in the group here.

I got two questions for you, are you able to make some "you" time? I think you need to give a little time to yourself. Is this possible?

And two, have you told your husband exactly how he's making you feel lately? Have you told him that you're feeling like you're without support in the world? Because aside from your friends here in the support group, your husband should be your rock.

Has he always been this way or is this post surgery behavior?

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Response to retrowire (Reply #4)

Fri Jun 3, 2016, 11:18 PM

10. i have me time

but i don't want to do anything more than just sit on the couch and watch netflix. our plans this weekend are really all about me and i'm hoping the time away and the show will help us both get our heads straight a bit.

as far as the husband, he has an untreated depressive disorder that he won't even acknowledge to the point he gets angry at the mere suggestion of it. i flat out told him how i was feeling but it just caused more issues than it solved. he thinks that feelings are bullshit and just don't matter on a good day and he is outright dismissive of mine right now. we do this dance every so often and it wears me down sometimes. he did, however, talk to me about how he is feeling right now and that is a positive sign. i love him and it makes me sad to see him struggle like this.

you guys are a great lot and i'm so happy i have people who understand.

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Response to fizzgig (Original post)

Fri Jun 3, 2016, 08:55 PM

5. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Life sometimes hands us difficult situations.

If nothing else, know you aren't in it alone. There are tons of people here that go through similar things, and if nothing else they can be people to lean on when things are their bleakest. In that regard, I'm glad you've made it here and if you do need an open ear just drop a line, either via forum or DUmail.

I know that's no substitute for the real thing. It's about taking small victories where they are available though, I suppose.

I've got other thoughts, but I tend to prattle on without end.

I guess, the one piece of advice I have is the advice all the counselors and therapists always try to instill in me. Try to find things that make you happy, if only to find an escape from the negativity. If you can avoid the negativity long enough and replace it with happiness... maybe you'll find yourself on the other side of this funk in time.

You're never alone though. You've got us, if you'll have us.

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Response to PoliticalMalcontent (Reply #5)

Fri Jun 3, 2016, 11:23 PM

12. that is always good advice

i've had a hard time finding much happiness in things lately, but then we had one of our beautiful colorado sunsets tonight and it made things a bit better. i am really excited about the show and the other plans i'm hatching for sunday and that's helping some, too.

i take my small victories when i can, i just lost sight of them for a bit. i know things will turn around, i just need to take it one day at a time.

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Response to fizzgig (Reply #12)

Sat Jun 4, 2016, 02:19 AM

13. Sunsets (and other natural phenomena) have a way of putting me at ease too.

So glad you're doing a little bit better. Hope the Sunday plans pan out.

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Response to fizzgig (Original post)

Sat Jun 4, 2016, 05:10 PM

14. Shows and theater can be therapeutic

It works on you long after the performance ends. Maybe it could work on your husband. I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy.

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Response to fizzgig (Original post)

Sun Jun 5, 2016, 02:19 PM

15. big hug for ya

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