On raising nice kids

[SHRED]

The first thing you have to do if you want to raise nice kids, is you have to talk to them like they are people instead of talking to them like they're property.

-Frank Zappa

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Zappa

[JLewisLifeCoach]

1. I think this is only part of it...

While I agree with Frank, I think you also have to clearly state expectations that you want kids to be nice, and this sometimes involves discipline. Though I have not always agreed with my MIL, the best advice she ever gave me when I became a parent was to say that she always wanted her kids to be welcome everywhere - for people to be glad to see them. As a former teacher, I could relate to that - thinking of those students I was always happy to see walk into my classroom vs. the ones I couldn't help but dread. What a tremendous gift to give your kids.

[SHRED]

2. I think we use the word "discipline" instead of...

...using the actual word which is "punishment".

In my view discipline is a taught value that is learned through example. If a parent is disciplined then they are tolerant, patient, They let others speak without interrupting them, and show a calm demeanor that is not self centered with want.

How many undisciplined (rude, interrupting, self centered, etc...) parents have you encountered with out of control kids? Where did the kids get that...hummm I wonder...and this is where parents say they must "discipline" their children when they really meant to say they need to "punish" their children (time out, restrictions, spanking, etc...).
Which in turn sets in motion all kinds of contradicting messages both mentally and emotionally in a child. It screws them up.

[alan_phillips]

4. Agreed

The parents need to set a good example. Children also have to have rules, and punishment if the rules are not followed. Were you saying that punishment was a contradiction, or that it is a contradiction if the parents themselves don't have enough discipline to follow the rules they have?

[morningfog]

3. So true. And, it starts when they are babies.

[avaross09]

5. On raising nice kids

I think that kids always follow the reflection of their parents .I had a friend that had a tough time coping with his family and always did activities that his parents use to do in front of him like speaking foul language, having fights in school disagreeing with Teachers,and thus had a tough time being a good person till today.So always make sure that do things that would help kids become good person in life not someone who has a tough time growing up as a child.

[Pressumab]

6. raising kids

Our environment has different influence in children. To raise good kid is a tough job but it's interesting. One of the factor to discipline is implement "House Rules" and as a parent you must be consistent with the rules. Please also include the usage of gadgets it helps their academic excellence.

[crauber_4242]

7. So true Frank, so true.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

8. Yep.

We always used "please" and "thank you" to our children. We weren't perfect parents, but did our best.

During what we call "The year from Hell" when our younger son was a huge problem and left home for six weeks (he stayed at the home of a friend), as bad as things were, that son NEVER said "I hate you!" to either of us. Even now, some fifteen years later, I'm astonished at that. We had tried very hard to model good behavior, and it paid off.

(He came back home after those six weeks, graduated high school, went off to college, and things were pretty much okay.)