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Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:13 PM

Getting Older?

Iím on two diets. I wasnít getting enough food on one.

A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat is worse.

Apparently RSVPíing to a wedding invitation, "Maybe next time" isnít the correct response.

Donít irritate old people. The older we get the less ďlife in prisonĒ is a deterrent.

Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought, ďTheir cornbread ainít done in the middle.Ē

Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens...

I really donít mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

I miss the 90ís, when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, ďThat canít be accurate.Ē

I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing Iím sure ofÖ it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

I thought getting old would take longer.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway. Thatís when the fight started.

Me: Sobbing my heart out, ďI canít see you anymoreÖ Iím not going to let you hurt me again." Trainer: ďIt was one sit-up. You did one sit-up.Ē

Picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasnít afraid he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety testÖ same thing.


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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 44 replies Author Time Post
Reply Getting Older? (Original post)
CaliforniaPeggy Jul 2020 OP
louis-t Jul 2020 #1
CaliforniaPeggy Jul 2020 #3
louis-t Jul 2020 #15
marybourg Jul 2020 #2
CaliforniaPeggy Jul 2020 #4
SheltieLover Jul 2020 #5
CaliforniaPeggy Jul 2020 #6
SheltieLover Jul 2020 #9
brush Jul 2020 #7
CaliforniaPeggy Jul 2020 #11
AnotherMother4Peace Jul 2020 #8
SheltieLover Jul 2020 #10
AnotherMother4Peace Jul 2020 #13
CaliforniaPeggy Jul 2020 #12
TexasTowelie Jul 2020 #14
Nictuku Jul 2020 #16
CaliforniaPeggy Jul 2020 #18
niyad Jul 2020 #20
erronis Jul 2020 #22
Nictuku Jul 2020 #37
keithbvadu2 Jul 2020 #26
appalachiablue Sep 2020 #40
trof Sep 2020 #43
LiberalArkie Jul 2020 #17
appalachiablue Sep 2020 #41
Ferrets are Cool Jul 2020 #19
niyad Jul 2020 #21
warmfeet Jul 2020 #23
gademocrat7 Jul 2020 #24
bluboid Jul 2020 #25
keithbvadu2 Jul 2020 #27
Dem2theMax Jul 2020 #28
pink Jul 2020 #29
H2O Man Jul 2020 #30
dixiechiken1 Jul 2020 #31
sarge43 Jul 2020 #32
MLAA Jul 2020 #33
Wounded Bear Jul 2020 #34
calikid Jul 2020 #35
lillypaddle Jul 2020 #36
peacebuzzard Jul 2020 #38
trof Aug 2020 #39
appalachiablue Sep 2020 #42
trof Sep 2020 #44

Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:17 PM

1. Good stuff, Peg.

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Response to louis-t (Reply #1)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:18 PM

3. A friend just sent this, and it made me laugh! I decided to share.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Reply #3)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:42 PM

15. I already stole the line about the trainer and one sit-up.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:17 PM

2. "I thought getting old would take longer." So true.

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Response to marybourg (Reply #2)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:19 PM

4. Me too!

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:24 PM

5. Thx for the chuckles!

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Response to SheltieLover (Reply #5)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:28 PM

6. You're welcome! We can always use a laugh!



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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Reply #6)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:31 PM

9. Absolutely!

Laughter is truly great medicine!

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:29 PM

7. Someone missed their calling. These are one-liners Henny Youngman would be proud of.

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Response to brush (Reply #7)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:34 PM

11. I don't know who originally wrote these, but they are hilarious!

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:30 PM

8. "I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas." my LOL fav. nt

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Response to AnotherMother4Peace (Reply #8)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:31 PM

10. 🤣🤣🤣

Good one!

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Response to SheltieLover (Reply #10)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:39 PM

13. Credit to CaliforniaPeggy. I was such a free spirit in my youth, and

definitely should have done a couple of things differently. But to quote Frank Sinatra (Paul Anka): "Regrets, I have a few, but then again too few to mention."

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Response to AnotherMother4Peace (Reply #8)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:34 PM

12. That's right up there for me, too! n/t

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:40 PM

14. I'm not getting older, I'm getting riper. nt

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:42 PM

16. Thank you!

Since I just turned 59 today..... I needed a little chuckle.

I can't even..... begin to think how I'll feel next year when I turn the Big Six-Oh..

Will I be able to visit with friends by then? I'm also caring for my 79 year old mom. She lives with me, fortunately she has the upstairs area and I have a downstairs area so we do have our own 'space'.

This just isn't exactly how I pictured my golden years (I'm not quite there yet). I love my mom, she is progressive, open minded, she was a cosmetologist and a skydiver back in the day. She was a hippy (but never admitted to it)

I just feel like my life is passing by while I stand stagnant. Working to pay the bills. Can't afford vacations (I miss Hawaii where we lived for 20 years when I was 10)

I've never even been to Europe (one of my pipe dreams). Will American's ever be allowed to travel there? (will I have any money by then?) Will I lose my house to pay for my mom's medical bills?

*sigh* Sometimes I worry too much. Time for a mental adjustment.

Here is the up side: For my birthday todayt, my lovely mom made home made rocky road ice cream, and from scratch a delicious white cake with coffee icing, and for dinner we get her famous southern fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and cucumber salad.

No Carb Diet? What diet? I went off that in March when mom started making home made breads. My favorite: Sour Dough!

So thank goodness for my mom, even though it might have sounded like I was complaining. I'm grateful that I am here for her, that I can be the one to go to the store for her. If she still lived in Memphis by herself I would be worried sick about her. I just kind of miss more diverse conversations that I would have with my friends and co-workers in a social setting (i.e. drinking and talking story). Phone calls are OK, just not quite the same.

OK, thanks for listening. I am not even sure why I posted this.

Oh I know... I wanted to ask. At what point do you consider yourself a senior? 59?60? Or 62 when you can get medicare? Or when you get that blasted AARP letter in the mail that is not addressed to your mom, but to you? Gah! I don't want to grow up. I still feel like a 24 year old inside my head. (it is just when you look in the mirror that you get thrown back to reality)

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Response to Nictuku (Reply #16)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:51 PM

18. Aw, my dear Nictuku! You're not a senior yet! But you can still post here.

You can be an Honorary Senior!

I don't really feel like one either, even though I'm (gasp) 76 years old! But I am. I'm still enjoying my life and doing things I want to do within certain parameters.

Every now and then I say to myself: It's not the years, it's the mileage. I really see the truth in that.

So, be who you are, and enjoy the ride! All we have is right now.

Remember, at 59, you probably have several decades ahead of you. Enjoy them!



And thanks for asking!

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Response to Nictuku (Reply #16)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:41 PM

20. A very Happy Birthday to you. What a lovely dinner your Mom is making.

Why did you share all that here? Because we are a family. . Weird. .extended. Funny. . .smart. . .caring. You are amoung friends here, so relax and enjoy your special day.

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Response to niyad (Reply #20)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:05 PM

22. Great post. Because we are a family. After a few years here I feel close to all; well, except

for the few oddballs who pass through.

And with that, thanks to the DU hosts and moderators. So far it's been pretty calm......

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Response to niyad (Reply #20)

Fri Jul 31, 2020, 01:07 PM

37. I didn't know which group it was when I posted

I just saw the title of the OP, "Getting Older" and reflecting on my 59th birthday yesterday, and where my life is now (quarantined with my 78 year old mom), and much of what was in that OP hit a chord of some kind with me. Thank you for being so welcoming.

But this brings a question, is there a certain age you should be to post in this group? I probably don't qualify. I sure do think about what is ahead of me a lot in the next couple of decades. Should I live that long. I figure I'm going to have to keep working until I drop, so not really looking forward to retirement. (Oh, but I wish!)

I guess I teeter on feeling old lately. Just like so many other people, I've got some arthritis issues, lupus issues, and so my hands qualify I guess, they do look like they are about 80. I also have to hide from the sun or it will trigger the lupus and my hair falls out, (and for that I have to take that damned hydroxychloroquine for the lupus, unless these trump supporters buy it all up).

Most of my conversations with my mom somehow are about health (and that's the thing, I /swore/ I wouldn't do when I got older, back when I was in my 20s on family visits where I noticed that is what all the older folks seemed to do. Without fail.). But now, even I find myself doing just that with my friends these days. So I guess it is one of the many things to accept as you get older.

By the way, we did have a lovely dinner (and a movie) last night, and because we couldn't actually have a party and invite people over, we have LOTS of leftovers, so dinner tonight will be a breeze.

To keep ourselves young, last night I introduced my mom to the Marvel Universe, starting with Captain America (based in the 1940s), and we are going to watch the other Marvel movies in chronological order (for as long as she is interested--we fast forward through the fight scenes). I'm the sci-fi fan, she is more into British series and mysteries.

Anyway, thanks for letting me share. I'm not a real prolific poster here at DU, but I've been around since the Supreme Court stopped the vote counting in Florida in Bush v Gore back in 2000. I didn't understand why the American public didn't get out in the streets for that 'one time' decision.

I can't help but wonder where we would be today had we not allowed that to stand.

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Response to Nictuku (Reply #16)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:24 PM

26. You don't catch up to your own definition of old age.

You don't catch up to your own definition of old age.

It's always at least ten years away.

My mother used to look at the obituaries and say 'they were pretty old'.

Then realizing that she was already older.

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Response to Nictuku (Reply #16)

Fri Sep 11, 2020, 03:13 AM

40. 60 is the new 40, keep that in mind and keep on having fun!

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Response to appalachiablue (Reply #40)

Sun Sep 13, 2020, 07:41 PM

43. 79 is the new...79.

*sigh*
moi

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 07:49 PM

17. You know you are getting old when just about all the contacts on your phone are medical related.

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Response to LiberalArkie (Reply #17)

Fri Sep 11, 2020, 03:13 AM

41. +1

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:16 PM

19. Those were wonderful. Thank you

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 08:42 PM

21. Ahh, dear Peggy, thank you for the smiles and chuckles. We truly needed them today.

Last edited Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:13 PM - Edit history (1)

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:11 PM

23. I know a lot of people whose cornbread isn't done in the middle.

They are all republicans. Coincidence? I think not.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:18 PM

24. Thank you, Peggy!

This post was a much needed tonic.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:20 PM

25. THANK YOU!

i needed to laugh today...

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:25 PM

27. Their free calendar.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:27 PM

28. This is wonderful! Laughed out loud at quite a few of them.

I live in an over-55 community. I'm going to share!
A lot of people will appreciate this.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:36 PM

29. The best post I've seen in ages. Loved it. N/T

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:47 PM

30. Hilarious!

Thank you for this!

Recommended.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 09:47 PM

31. The Mr & I are busting a gut here...

All funny but these two had us rolling on the floor:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.


Picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasnít afraid he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.




Outstanding! Thanks for the laugh!

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 10:06 PM

32. "You did one sit-up."



Thanks Peggy. Those were a treat.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 10:18 PM

33. I just read these to husband and we both laughed like crazy

My favorite is the serial killer one 😬

Thanks, Peggy!

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 10:22 PM

34. If I knew I was gonna live this long, I might have taken better care of myself...

maybe.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Thu Jul 30, 2020, 10:38 PM

35. Ohhh, my dear Peg,

Thank YOU so much for helping me laugh again, it seems with all the caca going on these days laughter has been lacking.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Fri Jul 31, 2020, 05:23 AM

36. Love these

Sent this to my BFFs immediately. We all can use a good laugh. Thanks!

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Fri Jul 31, 2020, 04:30 PM

38. that's the truth! aliens locking doors flying by earth

thanks California Peggy.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Sun Aug 2, 2020, 05:24 PM

39. Thanks Peg. Loved 'em.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Fri Sep 11, 2020, 03:16 AM

42. Wonderful, thanks for the laughs, the best medicine.

Love it!

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Sun Sep 13, 2020, 08:04 PM

44. You know you're getting old when you have more 'specialists' than friends.

I have a PCP (Personal Care Physician). That's what used to be just the family doctor. But now I usually see either a PA (Physician's Assistant ) or an NP (Nurse Practitioner), a pulmonologist, a gastroenterologist, a dermatologist, an orthopedist, a urologist, an ophthalmologist, and a cardiologist.

It's a heavy burden I carry just to keep the doctors' appointments straight.

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