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Wed Mar 17, 2021, 01:11 AM

Subject: Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.



10 replies, 1426 views

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Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
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Arrow 10 replies Author Time Post
Reply Subject: Paraprosdokians (Original post)
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 17 OP
tblue37 Mar 17 #1
drray23 Mar 17 #2
alwaysinasnit Mar 17 #3
Mr.Bill Mar 17 #4
littlemissmartypants Mar 17 #5
chowder66 Mar 17 #6
CaliforniaPeggy Mar 17 #8
chowder66 Mar 17 #9
Hekate Mar 17 #7
TomWilm Mar 18 #10

Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 01:24 AM

1. LOL! K&R. nt

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 01:24 AM

2. I thought I was wrong but I was wrong. Nt.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 02:15 AM

3. Thank you CaliforniaPeggy! I can't decide which is my favorite, #3 or #16. haha

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 02:43 AM

4. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man

healthy, wealthy and dead.

From Jack Douglas, who was one of Jack Paar's writers.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 02:51 AM

5. Kicked and recommended. Thanks, CP! ❤ nt

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 03:14 AM

6. The Paraprosdokian Wit of Steven Wright:


1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

https://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?thread=9904185

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Response to chowder66 (Reply #6)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 09:58 AM

8. Thanks for these, my dear chowder66! They are GREAT.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Reply #8)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 12:59 PM

9. Thank you for your list! It made me immediately think of him. nt

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Original post)

Wed Mar 17, 2021, 03:28 AM

7. Fun! KnR

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Response to Hekate (Reply #7)

Thu Mar 18, 2021, 08:44 AM

10. I used to drive my kids crazy with such idiocies...

... like complaining to him: "When has I EVER kept any of my promises".

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