The 5 Stages of Black Manhood

[Number23]

'5 Stages of Black Manhood'
http://www.ebony.com/news-views/5-stages-of-black-manhood

I spend a lot of time thinking about what it means to be a Black man in America. As circumstance would have it, I am a Black man in America, so I suppose that makes sense. However, in the wake of the killing of Trayvon Martin, I’m not alone; the rest of the country, at least temporarily, appears to be interested in the lives of Black men, particularly young Black men. Out of that tragedy has arisen the need to explain the story of Black men on a national scale.

Of course, there isn’t a single narrative, one that will definitively place all the experiences of Black men into a neat package for a curious public. However, there are commonalities, uniting factors that can help those who will never be Black men or will come into scant contact with Black men to get a general sense of what shapes the lives of Black men. There’s the hope that, perhaps, the more the world knows about us, the fewer Trayvons there will be. A prayer set out into the darkness, no doubt, but that in itself is a part of the Black male experience.

Snip:

2. Anger. Who can blame Black men for being angry? You’re born into a legacy that includes slavery, lynching, Jim Crow, marches, protests, and riots. From the moment you’re old enough to know what it is, you’re told that it’s likely you’ll end up in prison, and you start to believe it as you watch fathers/uncles/brothers/cousins be hauled off. Everywhere you go, you’re viewed as a problem that needs to be solved.

How can you not be angry when it seems like every other week you’re learning the name of another brother you’ll never meet, for all the wrong reasons? Trayvon Martin. Sean Bell. Amadou Diallo. Abner Louima. Ramarley Graham. Oscar Grant. James Byrd. Troy Davis. James Anderson. Their names make it into the news and a familiar sense of pain and rage settles in, because the story never changes.

Really interesting and powerful read.

[d_r]

1. This is very interesting

I can understand parts of it. Not all of course but parts.

I keep thinking of this, it never really made sense to me and I still can't figure it out.

Back in college in the 1980s, I had this fraternity brother - a good, nice guy but really mouthy talky. Whenever he said hello to this one guy, another fraternity brother, he would always say something like "Hey _____, my black brother" or "you fine African-American man" or whatever. Constantly, every day. It really started to annoy me. Finally I said something like "Dude, why do you always tell him he's black? You think he hasn't realized? You think he doesn't see the mirror?"

But the thing is, I don't think the white kid really meant anything hurtful pr even annoying at all, he was just a dumb ass. He really liked the other guy, genuinely, and the other guy put up with it because he liked him too. I think a lot of stuff is just because people are stupid, they are trying to be friendly in their own mind but they say something because they don't know any better. From the other side, you hear this kind of stuff over and over it is like this constant thing and you have to take it in. I don't know, 25 years later I still haven't figured it out.

[Number23]

2. What a great comment

I agree with you that the white kid probably meant nothing by it and was just being a smart ass.

But one thing I've found regarding racist/racially clueless/offensive comments is how people behave AFTER they'd been told that something they've said is racist/racially clueless/offensive etc.

If someone doubles, triple down after being told that something they've said fits any of the criteria above and then claims that the person doing the responding is just being "too sensitive," then that makes the comments immediately circumspect in my book. From the looks of what you've said, the two guys seemed like friends and were able to work things out (hopefully). So one would have the ability to genuinely gauge if the other was being "too sensitive" or not.

At the end of the day, people have the choice to decide whether they can grow from a situation -- no matter how uncomfortable/painful it may be -- or not. Those who clog their ears and say that everyone who looks at them cross-eyed after they've said something untoward or offensive are just being "too sensitive" are clearly not interested in growing.

[d_r]

3. yeah

they were friends, both good guys. When I popped that off the poor dude was humiliated, he just never thought about it. That's a good point about growth.

[JustAnotherGen]

4. The sixth stage

Yes, being a Black man is exhausting. But unlike grief, Black manhood consists of a crucial sixth stage, one that helps you cope with it all. This consists of throwing caution to back to history and telling the Black-rage-filled-truth anyway, damn the consequences. It’s the embracing of one’s Black self, gay self, bisexual self, and/or trans self as one whole. This is about creating culture that becomes indispensible. It’s writing our history in its totality. It’s where Black men forge their own identities in defiance of all the world’s expectations.

We call this resistance. It’s not simply a matter of surviving. This is how we learn to live.

That's the one where find just how "solid" our fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins and sons are.

I'm very lucky to have those men woven into my life story.