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OneGrassRoot

(22,917 posts)
Mon Mar 14, 2016, 02:18 PM Mar 2016

I keep realizing the same thing, just in different ways.

I post about racism and bigotry a lot online. I even make my FB posts public. ( Here is the latest which prompts this post. I no longer give any shits - ). I also try to encourage discussion about it online and off.

I've always known that my use of the words racism/racist/bigotry/bigot makes people uncomfortable; however, I don't hurl those words out there carelessly nor in an aggressive, attacking manner. I use them in a very factual way. This interaction is a good example:

Me: ""Be honest: Do you feel you, as a white person, are superior to black or brown people?"

"Yep. We're not supposed to say any more that but, yep, I do."

Me: "Okay, thanks for being honest. But bear with me...you do realize that is the definition of racism and white supremacy -- when you feel superior to others because of skin color -- right?"

"How dare you call me racist! You people are the ones who are intolerant because you reject my beliefs. You people -- even other white people like you -- are the real racists because you don't like white people!!"



Each and every time I'm chastised (publicly or privately) for using the words "racist" and "bigot," often by very thoughtful people who are aware of racism and white privilege and who, in their own way, try to push against it. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "When you call someone a racist, it's a nonstarter" I could pay something off by now.

But today I realized something as I interacted about this with one such friend and wrote:


I make a point of saying many -- not all -- Trump supporters are racists or bigots.

But you know what just dawned on me? This hesitance to use a descriptive term -- racist (it's not a slur, it has a valid meaning) -- when it is applicable, as in the example I gave earlier, is another example of our society treading carefully in order not to offend white people or make them/us uncomfortable.

People can use the n-word and other slurs -- or the current more polite substitute of "thug" -- and that's not a conversation stopper. People of color are accustomed to these very unfair, false stereotypes and slurs.

But call a white person a racist or a bigot and nope, nope, nope...it's a conversation stopper.

I absolutely agree it shouldn't be used lightly, but I also believe - no, I know -- it applies to many more people than most of my white friends want to believe.

People who hold racist, bigoted supremacist views used to own it. They need to own it again before any progress can be made in this realm.



The topic of self-awareness then came up, which reinforced my feeling of being almost driven to wake people up to look at themselves -- their beliefs, behavior, views -- honestly. When someone's lack of courage or interest in being self-reflective creates pain and suffering for others, I have no qualms about getting in their face -- literally and figuratively -- with as much love and respect as I can muster. I won't let it pass. (yeah, I lose a lot of friends and am basically estranged from family, but I'm okay with that.)

Another interaction about "labels" brought the whole white privilege point home yet again.

Sure, in a perfect world, we would have no labels given the human propensity to demonize and distort. But in my experience, even when I approach interactions with respect, with no intention to offend or hurt but instead am trying to stand in truth, sometimes labels are required since we're not a telepathic species yet.

And if those labels are accurate, I sure as shit am going to use them. I'm trying my damnedest to wake people up.

Many of the people who would be considered allies yet also cringe (or even condemn) my use of truthful, accurate words -- words that are indeed labels such as racist and bigot -- are also "love and light" people.

I consider myself an empathetic, kind, respectful, compassionate person for the most part. I believe in our innate interconnectedness and interdependence (Interbeing). I guess I consider myself a "love and light" person, too. But I also believe truth and awareness (especially self-awareness) lie at the heart of genuine empathy and compassion.

I get agitated when chastised by people who seem to be more evolved than I am, as though they know better and just want me to behave as they feel best (yep, very similar to the patriarchal patronizing BS spewed on protesters). Part of it is an ego thing, I admit, but as I type this just now, in this moment, I do recognize a very patriarchal, patronizing tone in many cases, even if they mean well.

The thing is, I don't recall EVER having a person of color chastise me for these things, fearing I'm sowing discord or preventing genuine discussion or whatnot. Even very peaceful and yes, love and light friends who are PoC, have not once chastised me for any of this.

Chalk this up to being my Duh Moment #4427, but I realized that the concern regarding language (calling racists racist), the discomfort with labels, and the admonishment to Be Love (in a very specific non-confrontational way, evidently) and not offend are very distinct examples of white privilege.

I'm sharing in case it helps anyone else (other white people), as I have gained insight and guidance from others' posts sharing similar realizations here.















13 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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I keep realizing the same thing, just in different ways. (Original Post) OneGrassRoot Mar 2016 OP
I don't know exactly how to reply but this reminded me of something gollygee Mar 2016 #1
Most white people in America want racism to go away but are not willing to do the legwork. Jackie Wilson Said Mar 2016 #2
Thanks for pointing that out, I just replied in that thread. OneGrassRoot Mar 2016 #3
Your posts are so interesting. It's really great to see you actually working through things as you Number23 Mar 2016 #4
Thank you, Number23... OneGrassRoot Mar 2016 #5
Both interesting and informative! brer cat Mar 2016 #6
Yeah, I know there is a spectrum... OneGrassRoot Mar 2016 #7
Projection? brer cat Mar 2016 #8
Interesting post OGR. lovemydog Mar 2016 #9
You bring up a good point! OneGrassRoot Mar 2016 #10
Hey, OGR! Here's a case in point. Kind of Blue Mar 2016 #11
WOW... OneGrassRoot Mar 2016 #12
LOL! Thanks, girl! Kind of Blue Mar 2016 #13

Jackie Wilson Said

(4,176 posts)
2. Most white people in America want racism to go away but are not willing to do the legwork.
Mon Mar 14, 2016, 02:41 PM
Mar 2016

Some actively preserve racism, of course.

But overall even the most liberal white person tends to shake their head in agreement that racism exists while quietly wishing the POC would get over it, move on, instead wishing they would focus on this or that.

OK OK, there is racism, but telling me over and over isn't accomplishing anything, is it?


No, but not because someone is repetitively pointing out the problem; but because those responsible for racism, white people, simply are not motivated to completely, finally and entirely eliminate it.

Not in their interests to do so.


OneGrassRoot

(22,917 posts)
3. Thanks for pointing that out, I just replied in that thread.
Mon Mar 14, 2016, 02:45 PM
Mar 2016

I posted that same pic on FB and had someone reply similarly, basically saying, "Oh great, calling people racist is real mature and is really going to help things."

I pointed out that people aren't reading past the mention of "bye racists":

As people are walking out we're saying things like "Bye racists", "You lost. Please just go home now." bc many are leaving with shoves and shoulder checks, begrudgingly, but most with pent up fury.


They weren't calling all attendees racists as they left the building; they were responding to people spewing racial slurs and even being physical.

People really see and hear what they want to see and hear.


Number23

(24,544 posts)
4. Your posts are so interesting. It's really great to see you actually working through things as you
Mon Mar 14, 2016, 04:54 PM
Mar 2016

type them out. You are a constantly evolving individual and it's great to see. I wish the world was full of constantly evolving individuals.

OneGrassRoot

(22,917 posts)
5. Thank you, Number23...
Mon Mar 14, 2016, 05:01 PM
Mar 2016

that means a lot to me.

Thanks to this group for providing the space to work through things as I read or write. Writing things out definitely helps me take things deeper, I find.

Again, thank you.



brer cat

(24,402 posts)
6. Both interesting and informative!
Mon Mar 14, 2016, 07:51 PM
Mar 2016

I don't toss labels around too much but I do believe in saying "racist" or "bigot" when it is the appropriate word. If it makes people uncomfortable, as I am sure it does, so be it. I think many, perhaps most, of us avoid introspection yet to accept that one is racist or bigoted does require looking inward with total honesty. It may lead to a feeling of failure: no matter how hard we have tried to accept people without regard to race, ethnicity, etc. we discover that in many ways we are still harboring some deep-seated racist/bigoted views.

K&R

OneGrassRoot

(22,917 posts)
7. Yeah, I know there is a spectrum...
Mon Mar 14, 2016, 11:00 PM
Mar 2016

Those of us willing to be introspective already recognize -- or are at least willing to see -- where we have bias and blindspots.

But many people are truly just like Trump. Everyone hears him say, "Beat the shit out of them" and similar phrases, yet when he's called on it, he denies that he says anything that promotes violence! It is truly stunning!!!

I see the same behavior in many people. It began when Obama came onto the scene and the brainwashing was pretty complete within about a year. People who hold undeniable racist beliefs and willingly admitted it, suddenly started to deny they are racist and instead said everyone else is racist, not them.

There must be some psychological term for it, something other than delusional, even though they're that as well.

brer cat

(24,402 posts)
8. Projection?
Mon Mar 14, 2016, 11:22 PM
Mar 2016

It's common with bullies, and Trump certainly fits that. The ones that I think of as delusional are those who claim reverse racism or deny that white supremacy exists. However, I am not speaking from much knowledge of psychological terms.

lovemydog

(11,833 posts)
9. Interesting post OGR.
Tue Mar 15, 2016, 03:46 AM
Mar 2016

Agree with you about the neurotic obsession with labels, particularly when they're taken too personally rather than being used as an opportunity for learning. One example I can give here, and one that's frustrating to no end, is when one calls out racist behavior. Then a few days or months down the road the person who was called out has distorted it by claiming that someone called him or her 'a racist.' White privilege being used to misrepresent and then claim being the victim of 'race baiting' or some such hogwash. Just my opinion.

OneGrassRoot

(22,917 posts)
10. You bring up a good point!
Tue Mar 15, 2016, 07:16 AM
Mar 2016

I am also careful about referring to "racist behavior" versus someone actually BEING a racist. When I refer to someone as a racist or a bigot, I know -- beyond any shadow of a doubt (usually because they've admitted that they feel superior to people of color, for cryin' out loud!) that they are indeed racist.

There is seriously some mental illness in play that we've been watching over the last eight years, which has kicked into high gear over the last six months with Trump.

I don't mean racist views themselves being a sickness, though I definitely believe it is.

I mean the pathological lying of Trump mattering NOT to his followers, and they're own extraordinary denial of truth -- truth about themselves and reality in general.

Kind of Blue

(8,709 posts)
11. Hey, OGR! Here's a case in point.
Tue Mar 15, 2016, 12:07 PM
Mar 2016
“I can’t believe I did that. It was me, but I’m not a hateful man. I just got caught up. When I saw the video all over the news of me doing that to that young man, I was just disgusted with myself.” These are the words of Jason Wilton Wetzel, who confirmed to the Daily News that it was him seen physically and verbally assaulting a young college student at a recent Donald Trump rally.
Wetzel, with hate in his eyes, stares right at the young student and says, “F--k you. F--k you. F--k you,” right before slapping Adeniyi
(the black student) in the face. Reached by phone Monday, Wetzel claimed that it was indeed him on the video, but said “I’m not a racist or hateful, I just got caught up. I can’t explain it. I want to apologize to this young man and maybe take him out to dinner or something.” http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/king-charge-trump-supporter-assaulted-black-student-article-1.2563579

Yes, take him out to dinner, anything to get rid of that racist label because, you know, he's not a racist or hateful It will be interesting to visit this man a year from now, to see if he truly changes because he was caught in the act but refuses to accept his violent racism.

I think part of the I'm not a racist or you're being divisive for calling me a racist and/or posting racist stuff is perhaps that it's the one power PoC have that cannot easily be dismissed. Not when such power as even looking at a white person the wrong way, drinking from the wrong fountain, trying on clothes in a department store, swimming in public pools, just living, got us into trouble. We are all now empowered to call out racism and racists and they're powerless to do anything about it. It must be tough going from feeling you are the universal and suddenly become particulate, just like other groups are

I mean, before, everyday racists could hide because we had to do soooo much to call out racism. I mean we still do, like actual serious organizing just to bring racism into sharp focus. But now there's nowhere for regular racists to hide and the next ploy is to be highly offended. Afterall, regular racists like to remain steeped in denial because they're not a member of the Klan. But the worst part for them is outrage because there's absolutely no control over public opinion when called out but to deal with it.



OneGrassRoot

(22,917 posts)
12. WOW...
Tue Mar 15, 2016, 12:59 PM
Mar 2016

"there's absolutely no control over public opinion when called out but to deal with it."

BRILLIANT insight as usual, KoB.

Kind of Blue

(8,709 posts)
13. LOL! Thanks, girl!
Tue Mar 15, 2016, 01:20 PM
Mar 2016

Like I've said before, we've been studying them for a very, very long time and they're only now beginning to wake up to ONLY that. It's a new beginning that will be relentless and I'm loving it!

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