African American
Related: About this forumRobin Givens speaks out about "why she stayed" and the (mis)treatment of black women in the media...
I will never forget how Robin was (mis)treated back then. Her career was basically destroyed. She could never shake down the "gold digger" moniker.
Sadly, it was mostly black women to came to Mike Tyson's defense. And now they we for ourselves just how disturbed the man really is.
Too bad. The Time article is brilliant!
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Robin Givens Corey Reese The actress and activist on how video and social media are changing the way we treat women struggling with abusive relationships
When I first heard of the two-game suspension for former Ravens running back Ray Rice because of the assault on his then fiancée, I thought, Great, here we go again. No one cares, he can do anything. And then when I saw the second video of him actually punching Janay Rice unconscious, I thought, this is what happened to me. The only difference was that when I came to, a doorman was carrying me over his shoulder, out of my fiancés apartment, and into a car. I remember what my ex-husband told me later, which was that I bounced off two walls and I then was out. At the time, I was engaged to him and living with my mother, but I didnt go home because I would have had to explain to her what happened. Instead I called a friend and went to her hotel room, but even then, I didnt say, He hit me. I said, He pushed me. Its even hard to admit it yourself. I was embarrassed.
People ask why I didnt leave after the first time he hit me. But you feel such inner turmoil and confusion. You want it to be only one time. And for three days after that incident I did the right thing. I said: Dont call me. I never want to see you again. But then you start taking his phone calls. Then he asks to see you in person, and you say yes to that. Then you have a big giant man crying like a baby on your lap and next thing you know, youre consoling him. Youre the protector. One minute youre running from him, the next youre protecting him. And being a black woman you feel you want to protect your man. You think, the black man in America has it so difficult anyway, so now youre turning them in. It feels like the ultimate betrayal. And maybe Janay Rice is feeling a little of that, though I dont want to speak for her.
The release of this new video is a watershed moment. Its very difficult for people to wrap their minds around the concept of a man actually balling up his fist and hitting a woman. They dont mean to dismiss it, its just too hard to take in. But the video forces you to take it in. Theres no escaping. You cant dance around it, you have to deal with it. Thats why video really becomes crucial for this cause, the fight against domestic violence. No matter what people are told, its hard for anyone to believe that a man could do this kind of thing unless they actually see it. People say: That guy is so nice when hes with me. What did you do? What did you say to him? Hes cool. I play golf with him. I cant imagine him doing this. Women are simply not believed.
But if theres video, you cant unsee it. It is so deep to actually see what happens to women. And we will see it now because there are cameras everywhere. I remember being dragged down a hallway in a hotel in the Bahamas on a night I thought I was really going to die. Today there would have been cameras in that hall. Someone would know. I would be believed. Now the story gets to tell itself.
Today we are in world where we are far more connected and involved in each others lives thanks to social media. Women who are abused can see theyre not alone. I only left my marriage when I felt like I was going to die physically or die emotionally. Its just amazing what becomes your normal. One day you wake up with a knife at your throat. Another day, your shoes are all torn up. But I did leave and I didnt take one dime from my husband. I left my house, and I even left my underwear. I just wanted my life. I was very confident that I could make my way on my own. And I did.
Twenty years later, it is different. We have made progress in this journey of empowerment for women. But we need men to be part of it. We need them to say there can never be hitting. Ever. Ive always believed that when men stand up things will change, and now a football team is saying this behavior, this violence is wrong. Were still in the middle of this fight, but this moment, this video, will change things. We just have to keep at it.
Givens is an actor, director, activist and author. She divorced boxer Mike Tyson in 1988. She has worked on behalf of women, children and families facing the challenges of domestic violence for more than 20 years. You can read more about her here. Follow her on Twitter @Therocknrobn.
http://time.com/author/robin-givens/
Number23
(24,544 posts)She is more gorgeous now than 20 years ago.
I'll never forget the way she was treated. A long time ago when I was in high school there was a story about a woman (Desiree something??) that went to Mike Tyson's hotel room or another famous athlete and accused him of rape. Every single comment was "well, why did she go to his room in the first place?"
It never once occurs to some people to put the blame exactly where it belongs -- on the woman hating/beating/raping pieces of shit.