The Onion: Scott Walker Watches Candidates Emerge Shaken From GOP’s Female Experience Simulator
Yeah I know this is satire but I would love to watch these GOP rear end wipes have to go through such a simulator.
WASHINGTON—Waiting in line and nervously watching as, one by one, his fellow presidential candidates took their turn inside the machine, Gov. Scott Walker told reporters Thursday that the GOP Female Experience Simulator had so far left every contender for the party’s nomination disoriented, confused, and deeply distressed.
According to Walker, the 16 male candidates sat restlessly in folding chairs that had been set up in the basement of Republican National Committee headquarters, waiting in tense silence until the time came for them to walk up to the entrance, open the hatch, and step inside the simulator, a mechanical device designed to mimic the experience of being a woman in the United States.
“I have no idea what happens in there—none of us do,” said Walker, who noted that former Florida governor Jeb Bush had bounded confidently into the Female Experience Simulator, only to emerge minutes later looking deathly pale, clutching his head, and murmuring incoherently to himself. “I know [RNC chairman] Reince [Priebus] says we have to do this if we want to win, but right now I’m terrified to go in there. Whatever it is, that thing seems to be ripping everyone to shreds.”
If such a device existed I think Republicans should have to spend ten hours in such contraptions.
Of course Walker and Trump are such fucksticks it probably wouldn't do a damn bit of good with them.
