How about a Steven Wright One Liner thread and here we go,,,,,

[benld74]

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

[DrDan]

1. love this one

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

[dmallind]

2. My grandad's getting old. He can't do the things he used to.

.......like bomb Germans, for example.

[dmallind]

3. My other grandad was a sex offender.

He drilled a hole in our bathroom floor so he could spy on the woman in the apartment below. He's dead now, but I like to think he's somewhere up there,.......

[dmallind]

4. My other grandad was very ill with lumbago

Until my mother coated his back with thick grease and told him to lie flat. He went downhill very fast after that.

[dmallind]

5. My other grandad was a man of few words.

He used to say to me "Sonny......"

[dmallind]

6. My grandmother

Was very confused.

She had terrible hay fever and a diabetic shock once. So I went to the hospital to cheer her up. You know - flowers, chocolates..

[Lint Head]

7. I have a microwave fireplace in my house...

The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.

[cyberpj]

8. This may be one of his earliest but it's the only one I ever remember:

It's a small world
but I wouldn't want to paint it.

[Pool Hall Ace]

9. Bought a decaffeinated coffee table.

[Patsy Stone]

10. Two:

"I filled out an application that said, 'In Case Of Emergency Notify...' I wrote 'Doctor'... What's my mother going to do?"

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car"

[Broderick]

11. Love this thread and his jokes

Want to see him live. I have plenty on my ipod. Always makes me laugh.


Want to see this thread stay alive with people that post his one liners. I can hear him say them in my mind.

[benld74]

12. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

[benld74]

13. Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

[lovemydog]

14. Went to a diner. Sign said 'Breakfast Any Time'

I ordered scrambled eggs in the Italian Renaissance.

[Yuugal]

15. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

[kayakjohnny]

16. I bought some powdered water, but didn't know what to add.

[kayakjohnny]

17. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.