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Wed Apr 21, 2021, 05:59 AM

Texas Republican lawmakers brought in as spokesmen for new handgun-slash-male sex toy

Note: This is posted in the Humor Group.

We understand that in the current political environment it can be really tough to tell the difference between real news stories and satire, which is precisely why we're letting you know that the Mendoza Line is a weekly work of satire.

The makers of the Fleshlight have teamed with gunmaker Smith & Wesson to market a new firearm-slash-male sex toy called the Cock Holster — and the pair have enlisted Texas GOP heavyweights to help promote the product.

Austin-based Interactive Life Forms (ILC) LLC signed on U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz, U.S. Rep. Louie Gohmert and U.S. Rep. Chip Roy as spokesmen for the product, which is being tested in Texas before a wider red-state rollout.

“What could be more American that guns and masturbation with an artificial vulva?” Roy said during a recent product launch press conference. “It gives a whole new meaning to ‘shooting on your stomach.’”

“Texas is the perfect market to test the Cock Holster because it's full of gun-crazy incels [involuntary celibates],” ILF spokesman Matt Swaney said. “We also thought it would be a good idea to line up some political muscle. Normally we use adult film stars, but we think we can broaden the appeal to the evangelical Christian market by playing up the gun aspect.”

Read more: https://www.sacurrent.com/the-daily/archives/2021/04/19/texas-republican-lawmakers-brought-in-as-spokesmen-for-new-handgun-slash-male-sex-toy
(San Antonio Current)

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