Fri Mar 27, 2015, 01:20 AM
nilesobek (1,423 posts)
The Dragon
Too quiet is the man
with something to hide on a cold northern highway thumbing a ride Journey, today for his haven and hearth grief on his face sorrow in his heart Into this frozen Earth his destiny is sown beneath concrete roofs and walls of stone asphalt floors, his feet convey the luxury of his winter chalet along this vast American Appian way 20 below, trying to get warm cars slide by a Christmastime storm some flipped him the bird others honked their horns passing him by glaring their scorn the travelers had lost their fresh faces there was too much violence in too many places 4000 miles very little sleep when he comes to the crest he cannot help but weep His hometown has been damned the mountainsides logged the pinnacles rammed the erosion, the machines the scars remain barren and abandoned they pray for the rain into the teeth of the Dragon his future is crammed The Dragon puffs smoke the particles flying offensive odors there's no denying A gushing flow of honey from paycheck to paycheck the sweet smell of money to others the rotten stench of the dying The Dragon, the trucks, the men sporting green ecology colors deceptively mean The poison act quickly that of an asp Dragon fangs embedded he's caught in the grasp Which washes his superior feeling he's just like those others who've been sent reeling for freedom they long for air they gasp
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5 replies, 3073 views
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Author | Time | Post |
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nilesobek | Mar 2015 | OP |
Cavallo | Feb 2016 | #1 | |
nilesobek | Mar 2016 | #2 | |
angstlessk | Mar 2016 | #3 | |
nilesobek | Apr 2016 | #4 | |
angstlessk | May 2016 | #5 |
Response to nilesobek (Original post)
Sun Feb 28, 2016, 12:38 PM
Cavallo (348 posts)
1. So many really good parts in this.
Thanks, I enjoyed it.
"the travelers had lost their fresh faces there was too much violence in too many places" "A gushing flow of honey from paycheck to paycheck the sweet smell of money to others the rotten stench of the dying " Just so matter of factly and poignant. I love it! |
Response to Cavallo (Reply #1)
Wed Mar 30, 2016, 09:21 PM
nilesobek (1,423 posts)
2. RE: Dragon
Thank you for the kind critique.
I wrote this one in 1990, this is an abridged version. I ran away from home when I was 14 and this is part of an expression of my experience. |
Response to nilesobek (Reply #2)
Thu Mar 31, 2016, 04:32 PM
angstlessk (11,862 posts)
3. That is so moving...especially knowing it is the experience of a 14 year old run away!
I can feel the cold, and experience the disdain people had for that young hitchhiker...thanks
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Response to angstlessk (Reply #3)
Fri Apr 1, 2016, 12:13 AM
nilesobek (1,423 posts)
4. I was running and I still am.
I didn't know at the time that I couldn't run from myself and my abusive home. Everywhere I went, I had to take me with me. There was no escape. I remember hitchiking across Kansas, then turning around at the border and thumbing my way back, then doing it all over again. I was lost and alone except for the cold and the stars. Never caring what day or time it was. But I had to see NY and many other places and find out about the real world, and forget the world I came from. So, this untrained amateur poet does it for therapy.
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Response to nilesobek (Reply #4)
Mon May 9, 2016, 06:01 PM
angstlessk (11,862 posts)
5. What is really sad is that you had nowhere to run TO...
Your only choice at that age was to run away FROM...now that you understand so very much more than you did back then, maybe you can run to you, for the love and understanding you missed as a child?
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