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Fri Feb 17, 2012, 09:03 PM

 

Could anybody please send me some good vibes?

I'm hiding in my room.
My daughter is storming around the house and cursing at me.
My husband just gave me hell too.

My 25-year-old daughter got whiplash from a minor car accident yesterday. She called our doctor, but they couldn't see her and said to call the next morning. I ran out to buy her some arnica gel and tablets, massaged the gel into her neck, got her an ice pack, told her to take an ibuprofen to reduce inflammation, made her tea and gave her sympathy. I know she's in a lot of pain.

She woke up around 2 pm today and started blaming me for not waking her up at 9 am to call the doctor. I plain forgot.
I called the doctor, but they weren't answering, so i left a message about her pain and asked them to call back.
I also sent them an email and requested a referral for an x-ray. Nobody called or emailed back. (I suspect they are moving into their new office today)

Around 4, just when I was thinking of calling again, she started yelling at me that I was a @#$%%$# bitch because I didn't care about her and I should take her to the emergency room of the hospital. Remembering her previous tantrums at having to wait a long time in the ER, I offered to call insurance and get authorization for an urgent care center. She refused saying she wouldn't get in a car with me because I was a @#$%^&% bitch.

She called up Daddy at work and complained that I was being a bitch and refusing to take her to the ER or call the doctor, so he took the train home.

Meanwhile I called the insurance co. and they gave me the name of a local urgent care center. When my husband got home, I gave him the info, and he convinced our daughter to go there with him.
They just got back, and she started throwing fits because I hadn't made dinner for them -- I was too upset. When he called me from the clinic, I'd asked him to get something for themselves to eat because I wasn't up to cooking. But apparently he forgot.
So she cursed me some more, and then he started yelling at me that I screwed up by not calling the doctor's office over and over until I got hold of someone. And that he would call the doctor in the morning and demand that they see her and go sit there until they did.
Apparently the doctor at the urgent care clinic refused to prescribe a muscle relaxant for her, so they both took a fit over this, and of course it is all my fault. He left to get another prescription filled for her.

It isn't my fault that
1. she had an accident,
2. the doctor wouldn't see her yesterday,
3. she slept late and I completely forgot (I was in the middle of filing our taxes),
4. she throws tantrums if she has to wait a long time in an ER or doctor's office (anxiety disorder,)
5. she wouldn't let me take her to the clinic,
6. she called up Dave and demanded he take her to the ER, (I dissuaded him knowing it would be a long wait)
7. the urgent care clinic doctor wouldn't prescribe certain medications for her and
8. our doctor didn't return a call and an email today.
But they both think it is all my fault.
It is my fault that I didn't make dinner for them after being upset from being cursed and yelled at and told what an uncaring bitch I was, and a rotten parent, etc.

It's hell here.




24 replies, 4040 views

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 24 replies Author Time Post
Reply Could anybody please send me some good vibes? (Original post)
LiberalEsto Feb 2012 OP
Why Syzygy Feb 2012 #1
Habibi Feb 2012 #2
Kookaburra Feb 2012 #3
elleng Feb 2012 #4
Celebration Feb 2012 #5
BlueIris Feb 2012 #6
TeeYiYi Feb 2012 #7
peacefreak Feb 2012 #8
Ricochet21 Feb 2012 #9
Tumbulu Feb 2012 #10
Melissa G Feb 2012 #11
magical thyme Feb 2012 #12
Sienna86 Feb 2012 #13
Tsiyu Feb 2012 #14
yellerpup Feb 2012 #15
Howler Feb 2012 #16
LiberalEsto Feb 2012 #17
PADemD Feb 2012 #18
LiberalEsto Feb 2012 #19
Why Syzygy Feb 2012 #20
LiberalEsto Feb 2012 #21
Why Syzygy Feb 2012 #22
BlueIris Feb 2012 #23
LiberalEsto Feb 2012 #24

Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Fri Feb 17, 2012, 09:16 PM

1. Absolutely ...

That's awful. No one deserves to be treated that way. I can send aura vibes. This is something new I'm trying. It worked with my roommate last week. I could feel the wrath projecting out from him. After checking that my own aura was smoothed and calm, I spent a few minutes mentally smoothing his. In that case it did work as his mood lifted markedly (no words were exchanged). I will send patches for your own aura. Hope it helps.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Fri Feb 17, 2012, 09:20 PM

2. You bet.

Sending peaceful, calming vibes to you and your household.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Fri Feb 17, 2012, 09:34 PM

3. Calming, peaceful energy to you all

Sounds like escalated tempers really took a turn for the worse in your house.

Intending that your daughter get the help she needs, and your husband calms down enough to see things objectively.

Intending that you hold onto the fact that none of this is your fault, and if they decide to take the situation and make a huge free-for-all out of it, you do not have to join them.

Love to you, LiberalEsto.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Fri Feb 17, 2012, 09:37 PM

4. SO SORRY, LibEst.

Would you like to meet up somewhere? Will p.m.


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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Fri Feb 17, 2012, 09:55 PM

5. omg

urgent sending of energy

We love you, mucho.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Fri Feb 17, 2012, 10:06 PM

6. I will give you "getting out of that house" vibes.

A lot. And you can borrow one of my guides for a while.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Fri Feb 17, 2012, 11:20 PM

7. Right after I finish sending...

...your daughter some ”get your own damn apartment and an alarm clock” vibes.

I am so sorry...

TYY

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Fri Feb 17, 2012, 11:35 PM

8. I'm sorry your daughter was hurt

& I more sorry you're catching the brunt of her anger & pain. Even though she is in pain, she is still old enough to take responsibility for her treatment. Take care of yourself. Surround yourself with calmness, if you can. You did everything in your power to make her more comfortable. The rest is up to her.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 12:12 AM

9. We are with you

None of it is your "fault". Breathe.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 12:32 AM

10. awwwww--I am so sorry that you are going through this!

so unfair and upsetting all in one.

Sending hopes for calm and restoration of normalcy.

((((((((LiberalEsto)))))))))

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 01:18 AM

11. (((((LiberalEsto)))))

Good vibes and much peace to you and yours.


Kids are tough sometimes...esp kids with behavior problems. I have one also. Been there; had similar treatment. Not fun.

Here's hoping for less pain and better emotional weather in your home and environment.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 08:01 AM

12. I'm so sorry... of course it is not your fault

 

(((LiberoEsto)))

Your daughter is old enough for self control and self responsibility. Sorry for this, but anxiety disorder my ass. Your husband should be on your team, helping your daughter to learn self-reliance, not encouraging your daughter's tantrums and dependency.

I agree with the responses above. Tell her she can get and set her own damn alarm clock, call and make her own damn appointments, and fix herself some dinner. When she has made herself an appointment, then she can ask -- as a favor -- for a ride to it. And pay gas money and pick up dinner or lunch for you, in return.

Your husband can fix dinner or pick up take out.

And they both can stfu (imho, but then I live alone for a reason).

Can you get out of there for a while and hang out somewhere else? Libraries are peaceful, comfortable and free.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 09:49 AM

13. Sending light.

Hope today is a better day.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 11:22 AM

14. Well you didn't deserve any of that



25 is old enough to get up her own self and call. Why is she making you her scapegoat? That needs to end! She is an adult and she needs to begin acting like one.

And for hubby to back her up? Ridiculous.

I hope things have calmed down and that you got away from such emotional vampires for a bit.

You don't deserve any of that.




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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 11:26 AM

15. Sending vibes.

For calm, healing, and reconciliation.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 01:22 PM

16. OH LIBERALESTO!!!

of Course ! Sending right now!!!! I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time of it!!!!

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Response to LiberalEsto (Original post)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 02:06 PM

17. Many, many, many thanks to everyone!

 

I felt your blessings last night and this morning.
You are such angels.

I feel better, but I am not speaking to either of them. This situation made me realize that there is a limit to how much verbal abuse a person should have to tolerate. And last night I reached that limit.

I am not going to back down until I get an agreement that either the daughter goes to counseling, or moves out at the end of the semester, gets a job and supports herself. I have been trying to get her to go to counseling for years.

Mercifully, our older daughter drove home very late last night from her job in NY state. She's here for the holiday weekend. She was a doll. She listened, hugged me, and agreed that yesterday's behavior was intolerable. (She got the whole story from her significant other, who's been living with us)

She's distracting their attention from me, which is good because I'm not willing to accept any lame apologies.


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Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #17)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 03:42 PM

18. I'm glad you're feeling better.

I want to recommend to you and anyone who reads this a book that I read many years ago. It's called:

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond
by Patricia Evans

"In this fully expanded and updated third edition of the bestselling classic, you learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You'll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life.

"In two all-new chapters, Evans reveals the Outside Stresses driving the rise in verbal abuse--and shows you how you can mitigate the devastating effects on your relationships. She also outlines the Levels of Abuse that characterize this kind of behavior--from subtle, insidious put-downs that can erode your self-esteem to full-out tantrums of name-calling, screaming, and threatening that can escalate into physical abuse."

http://www.amazon.com/Verbally-Abusive-Relationship-recognize-respond/dp/1440504636/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1329592448&sr=1-1

It helped me quite a bit. I loaned it to a friend who did not recognize that her husband was being abusive. She thanked me and promptly divorced her abusive husband. She is now in a wonderful committed relationship. I'd send you my copy, but I sent it to my daughter to keep, just in case.

Please know that we care and are here for you.



PADemD

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Response to PADemD (Reply #18)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 04:40 PM

19. That book looks really interesting

 

I'm going to look for a copy on Amazon.
Many, many thanks.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #19)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 04:58 PM

20. Aura reading

When I did that reading last night I saw pea green associated with your husband and daughter. According to one source, that represents jealousy. Does that make sense to you? Also for yours, it was all good except a lower thing that looked like a blue lightening bolt, like from your right leg area. I wasn't able to do anything with it. Does that make any sense? It was very much outside the rest of your aura.

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Response to Why Syzygy (Reply #20)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 05:32 PM

21. Can't figure out where there might be jealousy

 

unless my husband was jealous that he had to take her to the clinic and listen to her drama, while I stayed home.

I suspect the green might be related to both of them being in a mixed-up emotional state.

What could the blue lightning bolt represent? Maybe anger manifesting as a bit of pain in my back on the lower right side?

The only time I ever saw my own aura, many years ago, it was turquoise blue.

Thank you, Why Syzygy!

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Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #21)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 06:11 PM

22. No ..

I don't think it was an acute jealousy. I think it's chronic. Maybe they are jealous because you are such a loving, giving person. I've only just started this, so there is much I don't know. Here's another suggestion: Deception toward self or others (pea green). I guess just be with that. If it doesn't fit, no worries. It's something else. Whatever it was, it doesn't feel good to be them when it's that color. The bolt aimed toward the ground/floor. It wasn't aimed at anyone. I actually did think it might be related to pain. It wasn't something I felt I should mess with. Like you need it to be there for now. I'm really glad your other daughter came home and cared for you.

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Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #17)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 09:10 PM

23. While nothing can replace therapy, support and getting rid of obstacles, I recommend:

This:

http://www.amazon.com/Post-Trauma-Stabilizer-1-Ounces/dp/B0012ZFCLO/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1329613658&sr=1-1

This:

http://www.amazon.com/Bach-Essence-Walnut-20-Milliliters/dp/B00016QT9Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1329613546&sr=8-1

And this:

http://www.amazon.com/Flourish-Sacred-Heart-1-oz/dp/B0012ZFCLY/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1329613624&sr=1-1

Post Trauma stabilizer is for exactly what it sounds like. Walnut essence can shield you from the negativity of others and help you make that break if you need to. (It kept me from going back to an abusive boyfriend back in the day.) Sacred Heart is for helping to correct negative family patterns, including emotional abuse, codependency and boundary issues.

None of these are cheap, so if I had to recommend one it would actually be Walnut, which may be available at a local natural/organic food mart near you, if they sell the Bach's line of flower essences.

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Response to BlueIris (Reply #23)

Sat Feb 18, 2012, 09:14 PM

24. I've never tried them before

 

but it's definitely worth exploring.
Thank you, BlueIris.

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