The horrible truth about Spiderman’s Anatomy

[Viva_La_Revolution]

I was on a panel a few weeks ago discussing mutations, and what they can and cannot do. Spider-man was one of the topics, because the sad truth is that the Comics industry has conspired in a G-rated cover-up to hide his terrible, terrible affliction.

Spider-man’s spider webbing talent isn’t what you think it is. Sure, male spiders do have special appendages on the front of their bodies–they are really noticeable ”boxing gloves.” They actually can be up to 20% of a male spider’s body weight.

Those are not, however, what spiders shoot silk or webbing out of. These pedipalps have one function. SEX.

That white, sticky stuff Peter Parker is shooting out of his wrist? Um. Yeah.

the rest -> http://membracid.wordpress.com/2012/07/25/the-horrible-truth-about-spidermans-anatomy/

[dkf]

1. Lol too funny!

[DJ13]

2. In the original Spiderman, he wore strapons on each wrist

[Dr. Strange]

7. Did you just say "strapons"?

Are you TRYING to get this thread locked?

[Warpy]

3. Not only that, but his chest and upper arms are so hyper inflated

that the poor man can't even clap his hands.

[MADem]

4. The winning paragraph in that essay?

I'm just trying to picture how the comic book creators or the film producers would make THIS work...!

Spider silk glands are located anterior to the anus, and posterior to the gonads. If the radioactive spider had actually given Peter Parker silk glands? He would shoot webbing out of his taint.

http://membracid.wordpress.com/2012/07/25/the-horrible-truth-about-spidermans-anatomy/

[HopeHoops]

5. I never knew the word "taint" until our midwife used it 21+ years ago.

[MADem]

8. I'll be honest, it wasn't anything I learned in Junior High Health Class, either!

I can't even remember the first time I heard the word, but I have a distinct impression that it made me laugh. I suppose I was thinking of the musical number "T'ain't nobody's business if I do" or something!

[Fumesucker]

6. You might enjoy this also..

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html

What turns on a kryptonian?

Superman is an alien, an extraterrestrial. His humanoid frame is doubtless the result of parallel evolution, as the marsupials of Australia resemble their mammalian counterparts. A specific niche in the ecology calls for a certain shape, a certain size, certain capabilities, certain eating habits.

Be not deceived by appearances. Superman is no relative to homo sapiens.

What arouses Kal-El's mating urge? Did kryptonian women carry some subtle mating cue at appropriate times of the year? Whatever it is, Lois Lane probably didn't have it. We may speculate that she smells wrong, less like a kryptonian woman than like a terrestrial monkey. A mating between Superman and Lois Lane would feel like sodomy-and would be, of course, by church and common law.

[chalky]

9. Brilliant

"But with kryptonian muscles behind it, Kal-El's semen would emerge with the muzzle velocity of a machine gun bullet. (*One can imagine that the Kent home in Smallville was riddled with holes during Superboy's puberty. And why did Lana Lang never notice that?*)"