How are you fellow atheist arseholes this morning?

[Ron Obvious]

I evict orphans and widows for a living so my job's been giving me great satisfaction these past few years. Since the weather's been so nice lately, I've been able to walk to work and indulging in my special hobby of pushing wee bonny children who are playing outside face-first into the mud. It's the small pleasures that are so special, aren't they?

This morning I had the opportunity to beat up a damn hobo who had the nerve to ask me for money. Bloody scrounger! I very much enjoyed his screams of pain.

Isn't it great living without morality? It's gong to be a fine day today. Maybe I'll encounter some small animals to torture on my way home. One can but hope!

[trotsky]

1. Amateur.

Pushing children into mud puddles? Let me know when you've worked up to pushing them into a busy street!

[Ron Obvious]

3. I;m trying to work my way up to that...

I'm trying to work my way up to that, Trotsky. No doubt some of that single church service I attended 35 years ago is holding me back.

I'll have to read some more Dawkins (praise be unto him) tonight.

[TxDemChem]

20. My parents used to ask me to go play in traffic

I say, force these kids to do the same. Gotta love the

[progressoid]

2. I'm exhausted.

After a long night of kitten torturing, I had to get up early to rob some convenience stores.

Time for a nap...

[Ron Obvious]

4. Poor baby

I'm so glad we have this safe haven where we can be honest and support each other. without other people being judgemental.

[cynatnite]

5. You people think you've got it tough...

I've been out converting children and old people. I've been ripping down crosses, stealing bibles, and doodling on Jesus pictures.

It's hard work.

[Arugula Latte]

35. I first read that as "drooling" on Jesus pictures.

That would work, too, I guess.

You could also pee on their Thomas Kinkade figurines.

[rrneck]

6. A baby a day keeps the Jesus away. ntt

[ChairmanAgnostic]

9. but do you eat them raw, or saute them for a bit?

Deep frying is no good. Too much waste. The fingers become inedible.
Baking them is an option, but only if you willing to salt and pepper them properly.

[rrneck]

13. BBQ with tater tots . :D. nt

[TxDemChem]

21. Or lightly sauté them in olive oil and minced garlic

Absolutely delish!

[Apophis]

7. I tripped a little old lady while she was crossing the street

and kicked a puppy.

[Mr.Bill]

8. So you're a Republican?

[Ron Obvious]

11. Hey now!

No need to be nasty!

"I'm not pornographic! I'm obscene!" - Marquis de Sade

[BillStein]

10. Spring is here!

Spring is here, spring is here....

All the world seems in tune
on a spring afternoon
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park!

Dawkins bless you, Tom Leher

[Ron Obvious]

12. Love that song! n/t

[OriginalGeek]

30. And maybe we'll do

In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

[libodem]

14. You know

Torturing small animals is one if the three things, that professionals use to diagnose, serious behavioral problems in teh youth. You better get back to that Bible learnin' fer ya go too much further astray.

My great grandfather Nicholas, (in th 1940's) used to stick his cane out, to trip little kids. As told to me by my mom. I don't know that he was an atheist, though. I think he was just ornery.

[Ron Obvious]

17. Those three things

I plan to start bedwetting and setting fires soon too.

[libodem]

22. lolololol

That cracked me up.

[backscatter712]

15. My baby-back ribs were delicious this morning! n/t

[onager]

16. A few helpful hints...

[Ron Obvious]

18. Useful stuff, thanks!

There were some annoying children on my morning walk who made fun of my Hawaiian shirt. I want them eaten by bears like the children who made mock of the prophet Elijah.

[dimbear]

19. Don't lets leave out Psalm 137:

"Happy shall be he that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."

The little one in question? Iraqis.

[Kennah]

23. Oh thank goodness

I thought it was an admonition about masturbating, and I left a mess in the shower this morning.

[progressoid]

29. Eating your children.

I hadn't even considered it. What if we only have daughters? Will my wife have to eat them by herself or can I help?

[Kennah]

24. Freshly wiped, but I kicked a door to door evangelist in the nads yesterday.

[BillStein]

27. almost alerted that as off topic

This is a thread about evil acts!

[mr blur]

25. I just got back from a "Yippee, Thatcher Is Gone!" street party

whistling "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead". Many small babies were roasted and eaten.

[Kennah]

31. You should count yourself lucky

After Thatcherism, I thought all the babies had been roasted and eaten.

[DetlefK]

26. Giving birds diabetes by over-feeding them.

[skepticscott]

28. I prefer

Poisoning Pigeons in the Park. That way you get to watch their contorted death throes in real time...

[Kennah]

32. I gave the bird to a Xian diabetic. Does that count?

[backscatter712]

33. Entertaining myself with a discussion about the Lost Ark of the Covenant!

[Arugula Latte]

34. I am dressed in camo and doing some rigorous training and drills ...

because ...

I am one of those ...

MILITANT ATHEISTS!!!

[0zone]

36. Don't do any of the above bad things....

...but I do wear a hat all the time to cover the horns on my head. Xtians think I do that because I'm bald. LOL

[pink-o]

37. Throwing some more Eye of Newt into my cauldron...

Thinking maybe I'll put a spell on the majority of humanity...I could brainwash them into seeing stuff that isn't there, and making them paranoid and afraid of punishment and eternal damnation...

Aw, looks like I'm too late!

So the moral of this Atheists are Arsholes story might be: Ain't nuthin we can do to mess up these b'lievers that they can't do better themselves!

[joeyCMK24]

38. Funny...

Hitler was roman catholic, stalin was protestant christain, son of sam killer was christian, the yorkshire raper was christian, Jefferey Dahmer was a christian...

and countries with higher percentages of atheism similarly have lower crime rates...hmm...
where did you get the idea that morality is synonymous with religion? So if religion was never made up, you wouldn't be able to figure out murder was wrong on your own, huh?

[dballance]

39. I Love Your Sarcasm

It's so out there and so Dickensian I have to just laugh.