I've gone to church occasionally in the past with my wife.

[Tobin S.]

She is an Episcopalian. One of the first things we spoke about on our first date was religion. I explained to her that I was not a religious person, but I was open to dating believers if they were open minded. She was and I was and we have been together for 3.5 years now.

But I don't think she fully appreciated how I feel about church until recently. For me, it's just a big, boring waste of time and I can't wait for it to be over so I get going on things I really want to do on my day off. I'd feel that way in any church on the planet. But she wanted me to go to church occasionally, so I went here and there to make her happy.

Well, things have changed. They got a new priest at the church who makes my wife feel the same way that I do about it. She stopped going a few months ago and loves sleeping in on Sundays.

I don't know if she's starting to feel guilty or what, but she's thinking about going to a different church. If she wants me to go again, I'm going to remind her of these past few months of non-religious bliss. Hopefully, she'll remain a heathen like me.

[TxDemChem]

2. That is so nice if you to go for her.

Maybe she'll become one of those people who remains religious, but doesn't feel the need to go to church. Then you can continue your lovely Sundays doing other things -sleeping in is a great perk.

[Warren Stupidity]

3. It will get worse if you have kids.

Conflict over religious practices are a major marital issue.

[Tobin S.]

13. Well, we're probably not going to find out.

We're in our early 40s. We've been trying to have a child and she had a miscarriage not long after we were married. It's quickly becoming too late for us in that regard.

[LiberalAndProud]

4. Nonattendance is a good thing, imo.

Freedom of thought can be a very difficult thing to achieve when you consider the indoctrination that religion imposes, virtually from birth.

[Arugula Latte]

5. I don't think you should go to church if you don't want to.

What is the point? Your wife knew from the start you didn't buy it, so I don't think you should feel the need to make a show of going. Just my two cents.

[Tobin S.]

15. It's one of those areas where I give a little to make her happy.

It doesn't have anything to do with impressing anyone.

She watches Cosmos with me and just bought me the original series on DVD, so she gives a little, too.

[frogmarch]

6. Mr. froggy, an atheist, used to go to church on Sundays with

his elderly widowed mom to make her happy. She knew he was an atheist but thought she could “save” him. Even though she knew I too was an atheist, she always, ALWAYS told me I should go with them. Mr. froggy didn’t mind going with her, and he said some of the music was good.

Whenever he was out of town on Sundays (he was a RR engineer), his mom thought I should fill in for him and go with her, and she always called me on the phone to “invite” me. I always offered to drive her to and from church, but I told her, as I had for the previous 40+ years, that I was an atheist and would not attend church services with her. Finally I told her that I’d make a deal with her: If she stopped calling me up and trying to force me to go to church on Sundays, I wouldn’t call her up and try to persuade her not to go. It worked.

If you don't want to go to church, you shouldn't have to, and no one should expect you to go.

[Tobin S.]

17. I don't have to go.

As I said above, it's one of the little things I do sometimes to make my wife happy. She doesn't knock me over the head, drag me out to the car, and prop me up in a pew.

We do things together that I like that she doesn't really get into.

But this thread isn't all about that. It's about my wife possibly coming around to my point of view on this matter.

[frogmarch]

8. Well, whoopdeedoo, good for you.

I doubt that anyone here has said or suggested that going into a church is something they'd never do.

Did you pop in here with your cooties to show off to your friends in the R forum?

[stone space]

9. Um...do you have a problem? (nt)

[mr blur]

22. As you asked, I do have a problem...

I have a problem with you constantly wandering around the threads pointing out what Atheists (your capitalization) mean, what they have in common with your good Christian buddies, what Atheists "believe" and how it compares to what Christians believe....

...repeatedly failing to understand what is explained to you, then pointing out that it isn't what "real" Atheists believe (and you know because you're a Real Atheist with Atheist Beliefs which happen to be closer in tone to what Christians believe than to what Atheists who don't fit your definition believe.)...

...and you know because although you're an atheist - sorry, Atheist - you're not a Fundamentalist Atheist because they're worse than Fundamentalist Christians. Shit, who knows what they believe?....well, actually you do because you seem to know what everybody believes...

...and we tried to make you welcome here but, to be honest, it's hard to warm to someone who repeatedly ignores the things you're saying and then uses their ignorance as a weapon to point out how misunderstood they are...and, golly you could get more sympathy and understanding from the Faithful over in Religion because at least they believe in something and we could all learn to love each other and discover how much we are just like them!...except the Fundamentalist Atheists, of course, but not even Jesus could love them......but the Pope might, if we give him a chance, right?...

...and look, I understand that you might want to look over past threads to see if we measure up to what you like Atheists to be, but the reason that a thread was last active 25 months ago is that it died a death. If you come across something that interests you, start a thread about it and see if anyone else is interested. You'll soon find if they aren't and, really, the fact that nobody has wanted to talk about it for two years is a bit of a clue...

...and now you could decide that you've been insulted and perhaps make a few new friends from that...but I rather hope you don't; you've been happy to tell everybody else what you think and how you feel so perhaps you'll consider what someone else thinks...

... and I've been posting here since 2003 and I've insulted people as your new friends will tell you and I've been insulted. (I've never been offended because you have to choose to be offended; no-one can "offend" you without your complicity and I'm just not insecure enough to need to play that pathetic game). I've never alerted on insults (we're all supposed to be grown-ups here and many can put up with a few naughty words and a bit of truth-telling) and I've never used an imagined insult to my wife or any other member of my family as a weapon to attack other posters for making you feel persecuted like...well, almost like a Christian, yeah you sure know how those poor folks must feel when they innocently post something here (well, the ones who didn't get themselves banned) in the naive but misguided hope that we can All Just Learn To Get Along And Love Each Other...

...and you've been here a very short time...and, really, it feels as if we should all be wondering how we managed to muddle through for all those years without you here to tell us How Things Are...

...and there's absolutely no reason why you should care about any of this...but you asked if there was a problem...





Edit to say:
(Sorry, my apologies to Tobin S. for writing this in the middle of your thread. If you prefer I will certainly remove it)

[EvolveOrConvolve]

24. Slow clap

You are my new favorite person.

[Goblinmonger]

10. .....

I'm sure your wife is a wonderful person. So is mine. I just don't feel the need to talk about her every third post. And she's a believer, too. Shocking, I know.

[stone space]

11. Do you have a comment you'd like to make on the topic of the thread?

Or are you just following me 'cause you like me so much?

[stone space]

12. I'll tell you what. I'm out. You don't have to worry about me exploring your archives...

...for anything interesting any more.

I wouldn't want to soil your forum with old treads.

[Goblinmonger]

16. I know you probably don't care

and won't take any advice, but on the internets, here's what they means. You are bringing up old threads (called "necroing" amongst the cool kids) which bumps the new stuff down. That is usually done for a couple reasons and none of them are good. Primarily it is to bump down the new threads to try and hide them (also done by posting a shit load on new threads). It is also done to bring up old things that pissed people off the first time. You did that a couple times and doubled down on the things that made people mad the first time around.

It is especially dangerous for a newbie because you don't know the history of the group and what things are going to piss people off because you weren't here for them the first time around. I tried to help you out with that in PMs but you didn't seem to give a shit. Which I don't care if you take my advice or not, but stop acting like I'm the big meany that is just looking to ban you for no reason. I've been more than patient and helpful with you. I've kept my banhammer quiet even though I REALLY fucking want to ban you from the group.

[Lordquinton]

14. At least she's Episcopalian

that means there will be cake and juice afterwards, if they follow the 11th commandment.

[Tobin S.]

18. Yes, there are goodies afterward.

It's the highlight of the experience for me.

[Goblinmonger]

19. If I were a believer, I'd be an Episopalian.

Was raised very strict Catholic. The Episcopalian service felt so comfortable and there wasn't all the nasty bullshit of the RCC. I love the music.

My wife is a believer but not in a specific religion. Just that there is something out there that is "god." I don't press her on it and she couldn't care less about my atheism. And we don't go to church.

Well, we used to. You and your wife might check out a UU fellowship if you are lucky enough to have one around you. You will like it because it is very accepting of atheists and, depending on the fellowship, aren't really "Jesusy." She will likely like it (but I don't know her so ) because it will have the feeling of a service on a Sunday.

[Tobin S.]

20. She has said she likes the ritualistic aspect of the whole thing.

And I think that's the only thing she misses. She dislikes the priest, for good reason, and it has spoiled the whole experience for her. A lot of people equate Christian with kindness, and most of the people in her church are nice, but that priest is really an asshole. I have no idea how she attained such a position with such an abrasive personality. As a whole, attendance is down in that church.

We live in a small town and do not have a UU church nearby. I've been to one a long time ago, back when I still was looking to religion in general for answers to life's hard questions, but I felt the same way I did there as I do in every church I've been in. I just don't seem to be wired for religion.

[Warren Stupidity]

21. So I get that. de Botton is big on atheists should steal the pomp and ceremony.

I disagree that we should do that but I understand why people like it.

[Curmudgeoness]

23. Has it really been 3.5 years?????

It is true---life is like a roll of toilet paper. And the years are going faster and faster for me.

I think that it is very kind of you to go to church services with your wife because it makes her happy to have you join her. And I understand that the ritual does help some people enjoy their religion, although that was one of the first things that turned me off. If she does miss that, she should look for another church in the area. But if she is a believer, she may be able to continue believing without the church. But I know you will stand by her whatever her decision.

You are a good man. I don't know that I would go so far as going to church. But that could be the reason that I am not married.