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Tue May 4, 2021, 07:39 AM

My brother passed away last week. His penchant for not taking care

Last edited Wed May 5, 2021, 04:08 AM - Edit history (4)

of his health, and living in a world of ideas and knowledge instead, did him in. He had huge anxiety with the covid pandemic and teaching at 3 separate universities online with 3 different platforms. He was not a computer person. This year of covid, and living away from his partner, was especially tough. There were so many paths he could have taken to better health over the years. We go over what could have happened to save him - to no avail. He was getting things in order but he ran out of time. He died from an GI bleed. He had the best partner a man could have. They were intellectual equivalents. They were very kind to each other. She adored him for the 8 happy years they were together, as did he - her. His life changed when he met her. You could just tell. They traveled the world. She is beyond devastated. He had friends who he partied/debated with who will miss him terribly too. They loved the philosopher in him. We all did. My family is coping by planning and reminiscing, with visits in the village green with cousins, all of us in our covid bubbles: one bubble talking to another and then moving on like some sad square dance. Everything is being done online, be it the slideshow for the obituary or the 100+ Zoom meeting his friends had in Japan. Of course there will be no funerals this year. I am terrified of what it will feel like when there are not so many things to do or people reaching out. I help myself by helping others and i will not know what to do with the gaping hole in my life when things return to 'normal' and others don't need me so much. He always needed me. I only saw my brother for a few weeks every year but spoke online or by email every week. He was my big brother. He wasn't always easy for family to deal with because he was so bright and eccentric but found a life where he belonged and he had a bright future in front of him on several fronts. Please send vibes and prayers to my dad, my other brother and sister and, his friends in Kyoto, Japan and around the world, and his lovely partner. He was 59 years old. We love you!

This is my 100,000 post. The cosmos is ****ed.

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Reply My brother passed away last week. His penchant for not taking care (Original post)
applegrove Tuesday OP
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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:40 AM

1. Thank you for sharing. My condolences.

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Response to CurtEastPoint (Reply #1)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:49 AM

7. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:43 AM

2. I am very sad to read this. My deepest condolences to you and your family

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Response to MerryHolidays (Reply #2)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:51 AM

8. Thanks.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:44 AM

3. I'm so sorry for your loss. My sympathy to you, the

family and to all who knew and loved your brother. May every good memory comfort you .

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Response to livetohike (Reply #3)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:55 AM

10. There are lots of stories. Once, my sister's family got in the minivan to drive the

5 hours from Toronto to Ottawa. They had my brother there in the van with them. He was sitting beside my 3 year old nephew. My nephew smiled all the way. My brother, who was good with young kids, smiled back. For 5 hours. When they arrived my brother said his mouth had never felt so sore. It was really cute.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #10)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:04 AM

15. Cute! Such a sweet story. n/t

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:46 AM

4. Only 59 years old.

I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you and all those who loved him comfort and peace.

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Response to madaboutharry (Reply #4)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:55 AM

11. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:48 AM

5. One of your brother's blessings was having you as a sibling. Both your love and your heartbreak

ring in your post.

Not my words but time will dull the sharp edge of your loss. Care for yourself. He would want you to.

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Response to Atticus (Reply #5)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:58 AM

12. You are very kind.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:48 AM

6. what a beautiful post. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear big brother..(((hugs)))

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Response to samnsara (Reply #6)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:58 AM

13. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:52 AM

9. Sorry that you had to write this post

But it your seems your loved your brother and he was loved.

Please find comfort in your love.

Hugs and prayers.


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Response to SallyHemmings (Reply #9)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:59 AM

14. Those are great words.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:04 AM

16. I am so very sorry that you lost your brother.

Your words illuminate what a special and unique soul your brother was, as well as what a loving and kind soul you are. Sending much love and healing thoughts at this very sad time.

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Response to FM123 (Reply #16)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:08 PM

62. I'm feeling your vibes.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:10 AM

17. I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope you find comfort and peace in your memories of him. Take care of yourself.

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Response to brer cat (Reply #17)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:09 PM

63. Yes. I said to myself at the start i am good with memories and stories.

Thant i have that relationship to him still, into the future.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:18 AM

18. May the sweet memories help you through the grieving process.

Leaving at 59 is too early, but you enjoyed a relationship and that is what matters.

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Response to Frustratedlady (Reply #18)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:10 PM

64. I cannot imagine life without his ideas and fun.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:21 AM

19. I wish I could give you a hug

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a remarkable guy.

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Response to Clash City Rocker (Reply #19)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:11 PM

65. I think his most remarkable years were ahead of him. I really do.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:26 AM

20. Condolences...

And congrats.

I am dealing with some of the same questions about how it will feel when life is a little less crazy. Many of us lost someone this past 14? months and are pondering the same thing; What will it feel like when there are less things filling our days and we have time to remember those we've lost.

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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #20)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:12 PM

66. So sorry for your loss.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #66)

Wed May 5, 2021, 01:05 AM

117. Thanks.

Sorry for yours as well.


Funny thing, today I had to book travel reservations to go to my mom's memorial service and while I was working on that I received an invite from my best friend's daughter for her mother's memorial service a week later. Both passed earlier this year. Both are in other states so it will be a busy June.

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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #117)

Wed May 5, 2021, 01:26 AM

118. Oh that is just terrible. We are going to wait for a long time before we have

any memorials as people will have to travel across the world.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #118)

Wed May 5, 2021, 01:30 AM

119. That part would be hard for me...

To have someone pass while so far away. Anyway, that's what we have to deal with in a pandemic.


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Response to 2naSalit (Reply #119)

Wed May 5, 2021, 01:53 AM

121. We'll get through it. I can certainly take some inspiration from the mistake

he made and value health.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:29 AM

21. So sorry

I am so sorry for your loss. I am your brother's age so that really hits close to home

It sounds like you had such a great sibling relationship. He is gone way too early. Maybe continuing to keep in touch with his partner and, if possible, some of his friends will help you cope. And continuing to talk about him with your family members also

Such a shame he left so soon! Very sorry...he sounded like an amazing person

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Response to DemUnleashed (Reply #21)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:14 PM

67. Oh yes his partner is very important in our future I hope. And her family.

When this awful Covid is over we may have a service in Canada and one in Kyoto. I hope.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:44 AM

22. Condolences for losing a brother who had a life well lived.

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Response to NNadir (Reply #22)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:15 PM

68. He certainly took the road less traveled and that made it an exciting

life.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:49 AM

23. Sorry for your loss.

My 59 year old big brother died of a heart attack in 2017. He too had neglected his health for some time but had been really working on it in the months before his death. I still get sad thinking about it.

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Response to tanyev (Reply #23)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:16 PM

69. Yes. I was just reading over his emails to me on him taking his health

more serious. Heartbreaking. Sorry for your loss.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:52 AM

24. Condolences...

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Response to IrishAfricanAmerican (Reply #24)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:17 PM

70. TK.

indeed.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:54 AM

25. He was my baby brother's age too

My brother died suddenly 2 years ago March. He was 57 and was 6 months out from the day since his job was eliminated. He lived in my home town and I live in Europe. It was pre-covid so I flew back to be with my family. It destroyed our family and I donít ever want to see them again. He was my Motherís favorite and Iím angry he left too soon. I miss him.

Iím very sorry for your loss. He sounded like a great guy. It made me mad that he had to teach at several schools like that too. Why arenít teachers respected? I donít get it. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

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Response to LittleGirl (Reply #25)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:18 PM

71. He did fight for a union at at least one university - maybe more.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:55 AM

26. Sincerest condolences to you and yours, applegrove.

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Response to babylonsister (Reply #26)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:21 PM

72. Yes.

A good family friend was ironing and crying while on the phone with me. I told her she certaily didn't need to spray water on her clothes.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:01 AM

27. I am so sorry...




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Response to CaptainTruth (Reply #27)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:21 PM

73. Thanks.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:06 AM

28. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Vibes for healing and comfort and peace to you and your

family, and all who cherished him.

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Response to niyad (Reply #28)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:23 PM

74. He made a lot of friends over his life. A lot. I'm hoping he becomes a cautionary

tale for some of them. He loved them all.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:11 AM

29. He sounds like such an interesting person! I'm sorry he didn't understand how many people would

Be devastated to lose him and take better care of himself... maybe he underestimated his value to others. Sincere sympathy to you, the family, his partner and all his friends.

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Response to Karadeniz (Reply #29)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:30 PM

75. No he just was not good at being responsible. His giddyness was charming.

Two sides of the same package. That being said his partner did try to get him go get checked out. She did not know the full extent of his health. They had plans to move to Greece or Vancouver after they both retired.They loved traveling the world together on her business trips. He would have had a very good life if he had just been a more serious person. I am so mad at him. His partner was robbed of the future.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:23 AM

30. Sorry for your loss, applegrove.

Sending good vibes to your family and friends. You have love, loved ones and memories and philosophy to carry with you in times ahead, and you will be at peace one day.

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Response to ancianita (Reply #30)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:30 PM

76. TY.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:26 AM

31. Very sorry to hear. Lost my brother last year.

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Response to Evolve Dammit (Reply #31)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:31 PM

77. Sorry for your loss. ((((Hugs))))

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Response to applegrove (Reply #77)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:24 PM

83. Thank you. It was a shock.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:34 AM

32. That's a wonderful rememberance

My condolences to you. I have a little brother. We didn't get along when we were kids. Then from our 30's thru early 50's we got along great. Now, he's drifting Trump-ward and our relationship is straining a bit.

I'm glad you had a brother of such high quality.

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Response to SpankMe (Reply #32)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:32 PM

78. He was lucky to come from the kind people he came from. We all were.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:39 AM

33. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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Response to area51 (Reply #33)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:32 PM

79. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:39 AM

34. I'm so very, very sorry.

Your prose about your brother is beautiful. He was clearly very beloved. My deepest condolences, and may his memory be a blessing to you and yours.

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Response to DarthDem (Reply #34)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:33 PM

80. Thank you. I live that saying... may his memory be a blessing.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:41 AM

35. So sorry to hear! 💔

Healing vibes on the way, Apple. Please take good care of yourself.

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Response to SheltieLover (Reply #35)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:54 PM

84. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:48 AM

36. Those are words no one should have to write

It seems as if karma was exacting a wealth tax.

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Response to DFW (Reply #36)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:55 PM

85. ? I don't understand?

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Response to applegrove (Reply #85)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:24 PM

108. What I meant by that

I meant that fate was exacting a price (by taking him so early) for his having had such an interesting life, and being appreciated for it so intensely by those closest to him.

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Response to DFW (Reply #108)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:26 PM

110. Oh I like that idea. My brother was wealthy in heart and mind. Yes he had

Last edited Wed May 5, 2021, 04:30 AM - Edit history (3)

it all and his chances of an interesting life was expanding even more as the older intelligentsia of Kyoto were taking an interest in him. He was not wealthy in cash. A private english school he invested in shut down to its foreign students due to covid. It was in Australia. I was just confused with the words karma and wealth. Your explanation is a better take.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:51 AM

37. Very sorry for your loss, he was young,

loved and needed by you and others which means a lot.

My older brother was like a father to us when we were young. I love him dearly and am in regular contact, being without him would be devastating.

Take care and all the best during this difficult time.

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Response to appalachiablue (Reply #37)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:05 PM

86. Thanks.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:05 AM

38. Passed much too young. I am so sorry.

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Response to Fla Dem (Reply #38)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:06 PM

87. TY.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:17 AM

39. so sorry for your loss applegrove

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Response to JohnSJ (Reply #39)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:06 PM

88. Thanks.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:23 AM

40. I'm so sorry for your loss 🥲

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Response to live love laugh (Reply #40)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:07 PM

89. He did LLL. He had fun.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:28 AM

41. I'm sorry for your loss, applegrove.

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Response to yonder (Reply #41)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:07 PM

90. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:39 AM

42. Thank you for this wonderful post and the honor it pays to your brother.

100,000 is a tremendous milestone. Thank you for so much contribution!

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Response to colorado_ufo (Reply #42)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:08 PM

91. TY.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:40 AM

43. Condolences, applegrove on the loss of your brother.

Sending love and hugs to you and your family.

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Response to gademocrat7 (Reply #43)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:09 PM

92. Great of you to say.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:49 AM

44. I know it helps you not a bit, but I've had a similar row to hoe over my sister.

She was really bright, very warm and socially conscious, and was one of the most interesting people to talk with that I've ever known. She had an advanced degree in IR (formerly poli sci) and economics, and was a policy advisor to the Cdn. government. Her perspectives were well thought out and very special to me.

We weren't close growing up because of the age difference (I was 7 years older), but we were trying to make up for lost time.

She did her best to take care of herself, but PSP is cruel and relentless, and her final months were awful. As I said, I know this information is useless to you, other than letting you know that I know the pain and regret of losing a sibling like that.

I hope you find your own peace and comfort soon.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:18 AM

45. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother.

Deepest sympathy to you, your family, his partner, all of his friends.

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Response to sdfernando (Reply #45)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:09 PM

93. Thanks.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:20 AM

46. May he rest peacefully in your heart forever.....

Condolences...

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Response to Heartstrings (Reply #46)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:10 PM

94. Yes he will always be in my heart.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:31 AM

47. Thank you for sharing your brother with us. His memory is a blessing. n/t

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Response to TygrBright (Reply #47)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:11 PM

95. TY.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:58 AM

48. So sorry you lost your brother. He sounds like he was a marvelous man.

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Response to GoneOffShore (Reply #48)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:11 PM

96. His friends in the expat community in Kyoto talked about how big his

heart was.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:01 PM

49. Perhaps a memorial page can be created in your brother's honor

I hate to suggest Facebook, but a friendly site of that nature, on which all of your brother's friends could contribute photos and memories. It would be a great way to maintain contact with distant friends/family and share things to keep his memory alive.

Is anyone in your group able to take on a project like that? After the initial setup, it wouldn't require a lot of attention or time. I'm sorry for your loss AppleGrove, and I understand the feeling of helplessness that this Covid curse creates in all of us. It won't be like this forever, but that's small comfort to you right now.

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Response to FakeNoose (Reply #49)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:13 PM

97. I think we'll let his friends in Kyoto do that. Some of them need something

to do in these sad times.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:04 PM

50. Deepest sympathy applegrove

Your brother was so young

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Response to malaise (Reply #50)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:14 PM

98. He was young. A tragedy.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:31 PM

51. Beautiful tribute to your beloved brother

Sometimes we get lucky in life with our family and loved ones.
Thank you for sharing your luck with us.

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Response to Wild blueberry (Reply #51)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:15 PM

99. Yes. I lucked out big time with siblings.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:33 PM

52. So sorry to hear this, applegrove

Losing a sibling is tough. And, of course, blessings to you and your family.

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Response to peggysue2 (Reply #52)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:15 PM

100. TY.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:42 PM

53. I'm sorry for your loss

Your brother, by what your post indicates, touched and was loved by many. His memory will last in their hearts and minds, including yours. Thanks to your 100,000 post we appreciate who he was, too.

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Response to pandr32 (Reply #53)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:16 PM

101. Oh you are kind.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 12:45 PM

54. Condolences to you and your family.

Your post has a very loving and tender feeling. I'm sure he feels your love and that will be one of the things that allows him to rest in peace....

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Response to Sogo (Reply #54)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:18 PM

102. I hope so. There was a heron on a rock outside my dad's nursing home.

I thought it was my mom reincarnated visiting my dad to tell him she would take care of my brother. Wherever they are.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 02:50 PM

55. Very sorry for your loss, Applegrove.

My thoughts are with you and the family.

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Response to Granny M (Reply #55)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:18 PM

103. TY.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 02:58 PM

56. My sister is a magat

But i still love her. We just skip politics mostly.
Condolences to you.
💐🌹🌸🌻

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Response to MFM008 (Reply #56)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:18 PM

104. Thanks.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 03:22 PM

57. my sympathy to you, applegrove

I know the feeling of losing a brother

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Response to Skittles (Reply #57)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:19 PM

105. Sorry for your loss. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 04:02 PM

58. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Losing a sibling is so difficult. Even harder for your dad. Sending comfort and hugs to you and your family.

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Response to cate94 (Reply #58)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:23 PM

106. My dad has demtia. We told him and he forgot. That is a blessing.

We are not going to remind him. He snapped out of his nursing home personna when we told him and became our father again for two sentences. Told us he was glad we could all be together in this time of grief. Had not seen that guy for a while.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 05:19 PM

59. My deepest sympathy

I am sorry for your loss and that of those who knew him best.

I am currently going through alot myself and within my family, but your loving tribute is only strengthening my resolve to address my own challenges hopefully before it's too late.

If your thoughts, born of a terrible event, can have a small positive impact, then i hope that helps lessen your grieving too.

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Response to Moostache (Reply #59)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:24 PM

107. Yes. I am taking my health seriously suddenly too.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 06:22 PM

60. I am so very sorry.

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Response to YDogg (Reply #60)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:25 PM

109. TY.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 07:52 PM

61. You do a loved one much honor, it is apt that this beautiful piece would be your 100,000 ...

... I am sorry to hear of your family's grief. Your memories will make it easier with time.

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Response to marble falls (Reply #61)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:26 PM

111. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 08:39 PM

81. I can see why you were so close

You really got him, which means he was never lonely. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and I wish there were words to make you feel better, just time. Peace to you Applegrove.

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Response to KT2000 (Reply #81)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:27 PM

112. TY.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 09:14 PM

82. I am sorry for your loss

My 4 brothers are gone, for a long time now, so I've had time to come to terms with those losses. In spite of how you feel right now, you and your family, his partner and his friends will get to the other side of your loss. Some of the relationships you have will endure, but they might change. Stay in touch with people. They might not 'want to bother you'. Or you might not 'want to bother them'. Stay in touch anyway.

I spent a lot of time trying to find a reason, some way I could accept losses. One thing that helped me get here is finally understanding that some things are unacceptable. Everyone grieves differently and you should be nice to yourself as you get used to the empty place.

I don't think you will stop being helpful to others. Maybe not as you were to your brother, but you'll see needs and offer what you can. There is a Jewish myth that there are 13 good men on Earth at any time. You can be one of those good men whenever you want. Take care

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Response to Marthe48 (Reply #82)

Tue May 4, 2021, 10:28 PM

113. Thank you.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:17 PM

114. So sorry to read this.

Your description of him makes me feel he was a very special guy, in addition to being your brother. He walked his own path and strove to live that path well. And folks *saw* him, which is beautiful.
Wishing you comfort, dear applegrove.

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Response to JudyM (Reply #114)

Tue May 4, 2021, 11:20 PM

115. Thank you Judy.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Wed May 5, 2021, 12:38 AM

116. oh applegrove!

I am so sorry for your loss. your brother sounds like such an interesting person, what a shame to lose him so young. peace and comfort to you, your family, and all who knew and cared for him.

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Response to Kali (Reply #116)

Wed May 5, 2021, 01:38 AM

120. I've been reading facebook posts. A lot of them talk

Last edited Wed May 5, 2021, 04:31 AM - Edit history (1)

about his intellect but I like this one:

"one of Kyoto's great characters! Passionate, engaged and with a kind heart"

Our worlds will never be the same.

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