I'm reaching out.

[littlemissmartypants]

I am getting tired of being alone. How do I get through this bad patch? It's not just being lonely it's feeling I have no purpose anymore and I don't want to die lonely. I'm not close with my family. The only family member I deeply love is moving away soon and I doubt she'll be back. I've been really sad about that. Days are long and hard, the older I get the worse it gets. Any suggestions?

♡lmsp

[randr]

1. Volunteer for a non profit

[littlemissmartypants]

3. I already do that.

It's helping some but I am just feeling really lonely lately and can't seem to shake it.

[randr]

39. Are you able to travel?

A trip to a new place may open doors.

[littlemissmartypants]

58. I traveled a lot when I was younger.

Not really able to these days. But I appreciate the suggestion.

[DownriverDem]

76. Work with children

Since you already volunteer, I suggest you work with children. They will keep you alive and both you and they will look forward to the shared times.

[Merlot]

81. Or animals...some of us prefer them to people!

[littlemissmartypants]

6. Thanks for the reply, randr. Nt

[sprinkleeninow]

82. Yes, children and/or animals. 💙

[True Dough]

2. First thing to remember: there are many others out there feeling exactly the way you do

You can find seniors groups where lonely people get together to make sure they are lonely no more. You'll be among friends.

You can also volunteer to help out others, if you are mobile. There are options out there.

Are you in a city?

[littlemissmartypants]

4. I live in a really small town.

I am fighting feeling useless and unloved.

[True Dough]

16. If you don't find the answers you need here at the DU

There are other resources:

http://www.contacthelpline.org/emotional-listening-support/

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-deal-with-loneliness


Wishing you all the best, littlemissmartypants.

[littlemissmartypants]

17. .

[backtoblue]

44. I live in a small town too.

Not a whole lot of new things to try around here. I hope today is better for you!

[littlemissmartypants]

52. Thanks backtoblue. I am feeling a bit better today. nt

[notdarkyet]

80. Sounds like me.

[littlemissmartypants]

7. Thanks for the reply, True Dough. nt

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. Join an organization of some kind, do charity work, take a class.

You don't have to be an outgoing person - for example, I'm taking an art class. Mostly I go there and paint; I don't really have to talk much to other people if I don't want to because everybody is absorbed in their projects. Volunteer for a charity - you'll get out of the house and away from your worries and you'll be doing something good for others. If you like gardening join a garden club - again, you don't have to be super sociable but you can be around people if you want to. If you're musical join a choir, band or orchestra, or take lessons. Take an adult education course on a topic that interests you. There's lots to do; all you have to do is decide which of many options you want to choose.

After I retired I was by myself without much to do but then I started getting involved in various activities (all of the ones I mentioned, actually). It made a huge difference!

[littlemissmartypants]

8. Thanks for the reply TVO.

All of those things sound great. Thank you.

[applegrove]

9. If you like politics, and you must because you are here, volunteer to

sign up voters. You'll get to talk to the public and be part of a team. Come and jump on the bandwagon and go full out for these midterms. Do it as many days a week as you can. Find out about other volunteer opportunities with the democrats.

You can also sign up to teach English online to someone in the third world.

Not only will you not be alone but you'll be improving lives as you go.

Once the election is over, set another goal. Sign up early with someone running for President in 2020 and fight the good fight another day. You'll soon be an election veteran and have skills much in demand.

[littlemissmartypants]

10. Thanks for the reply applegrove. nt

[Mopar151]

11. There are some small-town things that are pretty effective "involvers"

Volunteer fire departments and rescue squads. All sorts of historical associations and events. If there are any motorsports, antique cars, trucks, tractors, etc. around, there are events that need volunteers or part-time help for vendors. Same with agricultural fairs, field days, or 4-H. "Friends of the library" is good.
You need'nt be a joiner, either. If you see an appealing activity, show up early and ask the harried person in charge "What can i do to help? I live close by, and this looks interesting!"
Your local Democrats would LOVE a volunteer, of any sort!

[littlemissmartypants]

18. Thanks for the reply Mopar151. nt

[defacto7]

12. I feel the same.

Lots of good comments above. I don't have any answers though. I just keep on, keep on, keep on.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. There's nothing worse than lonely.

[littlemissmartypants]

22. Thanks for this defacto7. nt

[Vanessa Rose]

13. Lonely

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Do you have a dog or a cat? I find that the unconditional love of an animal is healing. A dog will get you out to walk and exercise. A cat will curl up with you. And lower your blood pressure. I also have goats, who can’t help but make you laugh.

My thoughts are with you.

[Aristus]

15. Welcome to DU.

[Vanessa Rose]

37. Thanks for the welcome

Thank you for your welcome. I’d like to write a post introducing myself to DU but don’t know where to post it.

[irisblue]

40. Welcome to DU.

Post your intro in The Lounge, or in Gen Discussion, aka GD

[littlemissmartypants]

19. Thanks for the reply Vanessa Rose. nt

[elfin]

77. I second that. My dog saved this lonely day for me

He "rescues" me frequently. Plus I have met new friends while walking him and now volunteer at a humane society walking other adoptables. Totally changed my life and outlook on life. All the very best to you and thanks for reaching out to this very caring group.

[sprinkleeninow]

83. Our dogga daughter is a rescue/save, but I say she saved us! 🐶 💙

[Aristus]

14. There are social groups for people of certain political persuasions.

'Drinking Liberally' is one of them. See if you have a local chapter.

You don't have to drink, but it can put you in contact with people who have the same politcal beliefs as you. No more awkward political conversations...

[littlemissmartypants]

20. Thanks Aristus, closest chapter two hours away.

But thanks anyway.

[UniteFightBack]

86. You could take a little road trip and stay the night in a hotel. nt

[MontanaMama]

31. Never knew about

Drinking Liberally. Looking it up now...

[Aristus]

32. Hope you find a local chapter, MM...

[RKP5637]

85. That looks interesting!!! n/t

[hibbing]

21. I just discovered this group because of your post

I'm feeling the exact same way. It certainly does suck. I have a small group of friends,, but that is like having lunch or dinner once a month. I've tried one stupid online dating app, but you have to pay extra to see anyone interested in you, I have the money, but i just won't do it. It is hard, I don't take rejection easy.


Peace

[littlemissmartypants]

24. Thanks for this hibbing.

I'm trying. Appreciate your reply.

[lapfog_1]

23. same place... you are not alone...

but I don't have a lot of great suggestions.

[littlemissmartypants]

25. Thanks for the reply lapfrog_1.

I hope we find our way. It really isn't any fun like this.

[3Hotdogs]

26. There is an app, "Meet up." I don't know how far it reaches but there are dozens of meet up

activities.

You can also start one in your area, based on your interests.... including politics.



Post a sign on the library for starting a walking or hiking group. Or book club or whatever.

What state do you live in?

[littlemissmartypants]

46. I'm in NC.

Thanks for this 3Hotdogs. I appreciate your reply.

[Crutchez_CuiBono]

27. Good news is...

you know when to ask for help. It's going to be ok. Hospitals take on older generations as Candy Stripers. If you can, the Salvation Army always needs servers for food. Keep your chin up.

BOOKS can be your best friend sometimes.

[littlemissmartypants]

53. Thanks Crutchez_CuiBono.

I read lots and love books. Feeling some better today.

[d_r]

28. Hang in there

We are all just doing what we figure out and trying. The great thing is you care and you are trying. Find love for yourself, as cliche as that sounds, and like others said find meaning in reaching out and helping. Bless you.

[littlemissmartypants]

62. Thanks for this d_r. nt

[Jane Austin]

29. Is there a YMCA or other recreation center in your town?

I went to the Y to work out in their warm pool after I had been hospitalized.

I ended up staying after class to drink coffee and wound up with a number of friends and lots of acquaintances.

Even if I didn't have coffee with my friends there, it's good for me just to be out and among other people. And, there are people of all ages, from infants to the very elderly. Also people of all abilities and all races.

It's a great place to go for exercise and people-watching!

[Nay]

42. I second the Y. I go to water aerobics classes and have made many casual

friends there. I am not and have never been lonely, mainly because I am a serious loner. I have a small family and some longtime friends who live in other states, and the pool ladies are my casual friends. It works perfectly for me. I have no doubt that if I needed another close friend, I could look around at the Y and find a lovely person.

[Jane Austin]

67. Exactly

my experience.

[Varaddem]

30. I have trouble walking out my door

But you sound like a light looking for the right place. It’s a good sign when you’re looking to do good works

[littlemissmartypants]

47. I'm trying Varaddem. Thanks for the reply. nt

[Jane Austin]

33. The animal shelter here needs

dog walkers.

Maybe your local schools would like you to come and let the little kids practice reading to you.

[littlemissmartypants]

48. Thanks for this Jane Austin. nt

[NBachers]

34. I used to see you around here a lot, but not much recently. Your posts were always welcome.

Is there a way you could do reading out loud to kids? It's the best way to build literacy in early years, and the kids really love it.

[littlemissmartypants]

49. Thanks for the reply, NBachers. nt

[d_r]

35. Hey, if you are still there reading

I am going to try to tap out some more on my phone. Bear with me. I tried to post to you above but I have been thinking about it since then and I want to do better. So bear with me.

I don't know where you are in life, young or old, your username suggests female but I don't know, I don't know if you are from north or south or city or country or east or west. But I am going to tap in this story take it if you would like.
I am 50 years old. I have an amazing significant other and two wonderful children that mean all to me. But that wasn't always the case. 25 years ago I was out of college with relationships that hadn't survived and alone and lonely. I had given up on finding my someone and was telling myself I would be alone.

The next part is weird, u do t know if you can bear with me. I was on one town in San Diego on a sunny day. I bought a cigar because I was a nicotine addict that had put away cigarettes but needed that Jones's so badly. I sat on a bench in front if a stone wall and smoked that cigar. I was so alone I'm the world, I had no one and u was thinking about it, and then I looked to my right. And a few feet away to my right there was an old lady sitting on the bench I was on. She told me she loved the smell of cigars and we started talking. She told me of coming to this same place when she was a little girl, and talked about her father bringing her there. I don't know joiner got to talking about significant others but we did. She told me that the love of her life stole her from her father's house. She described the simple house, and how he came at night and took her, and it sounded scary but she assured me that she loved him and how wonderful it made her feel when he took her, and she told me that they rode with poncho villa and that they had a home and raised children and we talked and talked as she told me these stories, and I told her that I was lonely and had decided to give up and I knew that I would never have that special person, and she told me that she knew that I would that I would love and be loves deeply, that I just had to be patient that she could see the happiness that would happen for me. And the cigar was burning down and I stood and walked a step forward to stub it out at the receptacle that they had there, and I turned back to her and she was gone. The bench was in Fri t of a stone wall and I looked side to side to see her but she was not there, she was just gone. But indent better and reassured and didn't try St all but a few years later Iowa's with my dear love just as she told me..
I don't know you and I have no magic but i care enough to tell you that story and to tell you that you are loved, sweet precious and it will be OK.

[littlemissmartypants]

50. Thanks for this d_r.

I appreciate you sharing your story. It made me cry. Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a little bit better today.

[d_r]

59. Good

Keep on keeping on. Behind the clouds the sun's still shining, you just can't always see it.

[littlemissmartypants]

63. ♡ nt

[bmpbmp]

36. Reflect on what in your life has given you passion.

If there's nothing there - I'll challenge you.

Mission, Week 1: in your area, map out 26 stores, each beginning with a different letter of the alphabet. Take a selfie of you and each store's banner/name, with a funny face. Post your favorites here, let us rate them.

Mission, Week 2: Pick a couple or three days to walk through a Mall/Downtown, smile at/compliment each day to 10-20 people. Ask them how their day is going. Count how many people smile back. Make a second count of how many people really open up to you. At night, reflect on the people of your second count.

Mission, Week 3: Imagine you just won the lottery, the annuity of which is $500,000,000. Create a plan what you'd do with it. Wanna buy a mansion in California? Hit Redfin and shop for it. Wanna donate some? Research non-profits. What trips would you take, research them. Think about your strategy for privacy/security as the winner. Figure out how you can turn your win into a legacy of perpetual giving. Plan everything, from gifts to purchases, out in detail.

Mission, Week 4: Start out being glad you don't have to follow through with your Week 3 Mission. Spend this week planning to the perfect crime. What's the payoff, how would you do it, what tools would you need? Would you do it alone, or with a partner or two. (Just don't follow through!!)

Hope these ideas help!

[littlemissmartypants]

51. Thanks for the reply bmpbmp.

There's definitely a lot here to think about.

[peacebuzzard]

38. The only time I felt truly alone and helpless

Was the day I accidentally locked myself in the basement with no way out except breaking the door. It was hard. I was terrified, and could hear my pets upstairs. But there was no one around within shouting distance (I have a large property).
I realized the dangers of being alone. ( I am also a senior)
The suggestions here are great, just wanted to reach out to you about things already mentioned here.
I now take precautions going into the basement.

[irisblue]

41. That is freaking scary!

I have to say, i pretty much carry my cell all the time just on case.
I'm glad you're okay.

[peacebuzzard]

45. It took awhile and muscle to break the door

Thank goodness there was a sledgehammer in the basement.
Yes, I was freaked out for days
On edit: I was also quite sore from the strenuous physical effort.

[littlemissmartypants]

56. That's scary. I'm glad you made it out.

I appreciate the reply peacebuzzard.

[backtoblue]

43. I wish I could make it better.

I've got a dog and two cats to keep me company.

Gardening seems to help me alot. Even potted house plants gives me something to keep occupied.

There are lots of good ideas shared already. Keep your chin up babe!

[littlemissmartypants]

55. Thanks backtoblue. I am feeling a bit better today. nt

[rainy]

54. Read The Lost Connections

It will definately be extremely helpful!

[littlemissmartypants]

57. Thanks rainy. I will look into it. nt

[backtoblue]

60. Just wanted to say hi today!

And welcome to the Loners Group! Some of us are loners by choice, others are loners by circumstance. This is a little, safe hole in DU where you can come and make some awesome cyber friends!

We're a special little group!!!

[littlemissmartypants]

65. Thanks backtoblue. I am feeling a bit better today. nt

[hurl]

61. Hi lmsp!

Since moving to the country by myself, the main thing I've taken up is to get involved in my county Democratic party. In this bright red area, it's about the only place to find like-minded folks also vastly outnumbered in a Red Sea. It's always an uphill fight, but at least we are putting up a fight, and that helps forge some connections.

I'm not really cut out to do canvassing or phone banking, but there are other opportunities. I enjoy helping at the Democratic Party booth at the various small-town festivals. We make people aware of our presence and hand out materials to anyone interested. It's always fun when someone comes up to say, "I never knew there were any other Democrats around here!"

It's also great to sign up with the county as an election volunteer, and it won't be as much of a demand on your time as other volunteer opportunities could be.

[littlemissmartypants]

64. Thanks for the reply hurl. I'm hanging in there. nt

[dembotoz]

70. yes i understand there are some elections coming up

if a local dem party is to be active and need folks to become a part of it...it would be now

[True Dough]

66. Bumping this thread

In hopes that Littlemissmartypants is having a good week!

[littlemissmartypants]

68. ♡ nt

[sheshe2]

69. Hey, lmsp.

So good to see you back here again. You've been missed. Sorry you are having a hard time right now.

[littlemissmartypants]

73. Sorry it took me so long to reply.

I am doing better. Nothing has changed. I'm beginning to think I'm better off just keeping to myself. The election has me stressed out. I'll be glad when the numbers are in. Thanks for being nice to me.
♡lmsp

[sheshe2]

74. Honey it is hard for us all.

Stick with us. I am having a very hard time as well for multiple reasons.


Love ya.

[ellenrr]

71. Just want to say.. I've been there...

as have a huge number of people.
Don't know if that is any comfort.
It comforts me a little to know -- the deficiency is not in me, it is in our society.
We are an atomized society.

If one has a family, is part of a nuclear family - even if there is a lot of squabbling and such - it gives one a circle to belong in. One is not alone.
I am also not close to my family.

I have friends, but I have recently realized that my friends often "let me down" - not due to any fault of theirs, but due to my own expectations.
I am not in a relationship with an other, and wanting that kind of closeness from friends - well, that is not their role.

I also resonate with you wanting a purpose. those times when I feel like I have a purpose - I always feel less lonely.

well, not meaning to go on and on, just sharing some thoughts.
Perhaps at this moment you feel better. Sounds like you have been feeling better. I hope so. Feel free to send me a message if you want to share more.
very best to you.

[littlemissmartypants]

72. Thank you, ellenrr.

I hope you are doing OK. ♡

[peacebuzzard]

75. No suggestions here.

I like silence and all the benefits of a recluse lifestyle. But I can travel and make short relationships or meet with anyone I want at any time. I do when I have to for work, but I am so conformed to a quiet life, I don’t miss the extra noise.

[Dave in VA]

78. Hope you are having a good day today.

There are many great suggestions in this thread.

As someone who spent many years working in the mental health field the only thing I can add is to see a mental health professional. You might see your self as lonely and that may truly be the case, but just to be sure I would suggest that you speak with a professional to be assured that you are not suffering from some form of depression.

Don't let it get out of control when it can possibly be something treatable. You are not alone!

Wishing you the best life has to offer!

[Jarqui]

79. I think there were a lot of good suggestions made in this thread

I'm glad it got bumped so that I could see it.

Some days, you don't feel like doing a number of things - for whatever reason. So do something else.

A reaction I have is to suggest revisiting this thread, top to bottom. What did not appeal yesterday might be something you'd be willing to try today.

Remember: mind, body & spirit
- you can do things to help your mind - things that interest you
- you can work on improving your body and how it is feeling by addressing diet, exercise and your medical issues.
If you help those two aspects of your life, you're more likely to improve your spirit and meld with people easier - making new friends or finding a companion.

Maybe the task is to write down a list of all the things you might like to do - with this thread as a starter. Check out churches, community centers, the local library, papers that fill you in on what is going on with other folks - maybe that triggers something.

There are a lot of lonely folks in seniors homes that would love company. Maybe you could help each other out. Maybe volunteering to help kids if that appeals more. Adding a pet - an abandoned dog or cat - would probably help if you can handle it - they help seniors live longer and happier.

I do not think sitting around thinking about being lonely is healthy. I suspect it mushrooms or snowballs into worse feelings. Get busy and stay busy.

I doubt I've been of much use but I had to try.

All the best

[BlancheSplanchnik]

84. I just happened across this thread. Glad I did.

No suggestions at the moment but many good ideas in this thread that I want to think about.