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3Hotdogs

(12,207 posts)
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 07:43 AM Sep 2021

Ladies -- what makes a good lover? I may have a chance and I don't want to screw it up.

Is it about breaking the furniture during a wild night? I am probably more better off asking about sensitivity. But I am asking you guys and should keep my own preconceptions out of it.

And I wonder if I will get any answers at all but you guys are where I am most likely to get a straight, honest answer.

23 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Ladies -- what makes a good lover? I may have a chance and I don't want to screw it up. (Original Post) 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 OP
Anyone named "3Hotdogs" doesn't need advise from me!!! ret5hd Sep 2021 #1
It deals from the time my brother made fun of me for eating same when I was a kid. 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 #3
Be nice. Be kind listen to her. Put her desires first. Walleye Sep 2021 #2
Thank you. Exactly the opposite of how I planned for things to go. 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 #10
Ok, I've shared this with lots of the married Phoenix61 Sep 2021 #4
This is is it ... Joinfortmill Sep 2021 #5
i always said-women want attachment, men want release. mopinko Sep 2021 #7
Thank you. Exactly the opposite of how I planned for things to go. 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 #11
Don't talk up a storm quickly. secondwind Sep 2021 #6
Thank you. Exactly the opposite of how I planned for things to go. 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 #13
be grateful. mopinko Sep 2021 #8
That part of relationship is one I know I can do. 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 #12
Like I told my daughter many times: MOMFUDSKI Sep 2021 #9
I haven't seen her in 30 years. I expect to see C in a couple of weeks. 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 #15
Honestly, this right here tells me that you don't really need advice... dixiechiken1 Sep 2021 #18
Heartily agree! pengillian101 Oct 2021 #20
What a good question to ask. I hope a lot of men who would never ask the question read the answers. Scrivener7 Sep 2021 #14
Please read my response that follows yours. I thought it was attached to your post but is on the 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 #17
I spend a lot of time on D.U., posting quips and so forth. 3Hotdogs Sep 2021 #16
Grab as much life and love that you can packman Sep 2021 #19
Just saw this post from months ago, peacebuzzard Jan 2023 #21
Thank you for your response. As I posted, the original contact was through a mutual friend. 3Hotdogs Jan 2023 #22
well, thanks for asking. I am usually not too much help when it comes to personal relationship peacebuzzard Jan 2023 #23

3Hotdogs

(12,207 posts)
3. It deals from the time my brother made fun of me for eating same when I was a kid.
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 07:49 AM
Sep 2021

I adapted it instead of letting it get to me.

Phoenix61

(16,951 posts)
4. Ok, I've shared this with lots of the married
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 08:04 AM
Sep 2021

couples I worked with. Men, women, and sex.
For men the process is: Arouse, release, relax. This is why they fall asleep after.
For women the process is: Relax, arouse, release. This is why when he comes up behind her while she is doing the dishes and is all “Hey, Baby, Baby” he gets hit with a wet sponge.
From an evolutionary perspective this makes complete sense. If the female is stressed it’s not a good time to conceive.
So what’s that got to do with being a good lover? Simple, help her relax. Do the dishes, plan a fun outing, listen to her vent about work… that emotional connection will make her feel cared for which will help her relax….

mopinko

(69,804 posts)
7. i always said-women want attachment, men want release.
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 08:39 AM
Sep 2021

when i was married, i did a huge 4 part painting about it. never got that through his head.

3Hotdogs

(12,207 posts)
11. Thank you. Exactly the opposite of how I planned for things to go.
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 08:56 AM
Sep 2021

That takes a hell of a lot of pre-thinking to get into that mindset.

I have been tying my head into a knot thinking about how to respond to her initial contact that was through a mutual friend.

3Hotdogs

(12,207 posts)
13. Thank you. Exactly the opposite of how I planned for things to go.
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 09:00 AM
Sep 2021

I would have done exactly the opposite.

mopinko

(69,804 posts)
8. be grateful.
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 08:42 AM
Sep 2021

shortly after my divorce i read a study about what makes a happy marriage.
it's not about fighting or not, or having sex or not.
it's about gratitude. about saying out loud that you appreciate them and what you have with them.

i can easily see where that would have made a big difference.

MOMFUDSKI

(5,192 posts)
9. Like I told my daughter many times:
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 08:44 AM
Sep 2021

If he doesn't treat you like gold from the get-go, RUN, don't walk, the other way.

3Hotdogs

(12,207 posts)
15. I haven't seen her in 30 years. I expect to see C in a couple of weeks.
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 09:09 AM
Sep 2021

In between, I had a 23 year relationship with Joyce. In 23 years, we NEVER said a cross word to each other. People find that hard to believe. I always figured it was because she had low expectations.

She died of cancer and was drugged on her hospital bed. The last time she was conscious, the last thing she said to me, "You are the best thing that eve happened to me."

a day later, she died.

I guess I am capable of something but it is clear to me that I have a low self esteem.

dixiechiken1

(2,113 posts)
18. Honestly, this right here tells me that you don't really need advice...
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 09:47 AM
Sep 2021

The fact that Joyce (my condolences on your loss) said these last words to you tells me you already know how to treat a lady. Kindness and gratitude go a looong way and it sounds like you've got that in spades. Now, extend some of that kindness and gratitude to yourself and you're golden!

You do you. That's enough. Always.

3Hotdogs

(12,207 posts)
17. Please read my response that follows yours. I thought it was attached to your post but is on the
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 09:16 AM
Sep 2021

thread, at large. It was meant for you.

3Hotdogs

(12,207 posts)
16. I spend a lot of time on D.U., posting quips and so forth.
Thu Sep 30, 2021, 09:14 AM
Sep 2021

About every two months, I ask a question that I really want to know the answer to. These have been questions that a friend would/may not answer truthfully in order to avoid hurt feelings.

D.U. people answer stuff with sincerity when a question is asked and it clearly means something to the questioner.

I hope I have done the same for people when their question or post has asked for a human response.

peacebuzzard

(5,124 posts)
21. Just saw this post from months ago,
Mon Jan 16, 2023, 01:31 PM
Jan 2023

if you are asking still; I hope you didn't screw it up.
But my answer would be depending on the situation is just take your time; or, .....let me get back to you on that one in a few months. (or years)
This is such a slow moving thread it took a new post for me to see what I missed these past few months, years.
Take care
P.S. on edit: I hope you did ok with the person you wanted to become interested in something.

3Hotdogs

(12,207 posts)
22. Thank you for your response. As I posted, the original contact was through a mutual friend.
Mon Jan 16, 2023, 07:38 PM
Jan 2023

Friend reported that she didn't want to resume contact.

Oh well.

peacebuzzard

(5,124 posts)
23. well, thanks for asking. I am usually not too much help when it comes to personal relationship
Mon Jan 16, 2023, 07:54 PM
Jan 2023

questions, since I am lousy at it, and certainly run from most of it, if I can.

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