2016 Postmortem
Related: About this forumFollow the Obama/Romney Twitter wars
Romney is losing badly. Liberals are creative and smart. Conservatives are vicious and willfully ignorant. The former plays a lot better on Twitter.
Zach Green
@2012twit
Zach Green ?@2012twit
President @BarackObama is beating @MittRomney across all Twitter metrics on http://2012twit.com - New followers, mentions, & retweets.
7h Zach Green ?@2012twit
President @BarackObama had 69 times more retweets than @MittRomney today. via http://2012t
TroyD
(4,551 posts)I've talked with Zach several times this year.
He has about 4 different Twitter accounts which are used for different metrics & tabulating purposes.
He has been tracking Tweets and measuring responses to each convention speech, political ad & major issue for the past 6 months.
eridani
(51,907 posts)shanen
(349 posts)I actually agree with you that the 'atmosphere' of Twitter seems to be trending in President Obama's favor, but I think there are a number of reasons to be cautious. I think you are right about some of the factors favoring our side, but there are plenty of factors in the other direction, too.
Some of my concerns were addressed in an old thread about asymmetric warfare on Twitter favoring the side that thinks in small pieces, which is generally true of Romney's supporters. Even with regards to your metrics, I am concerned because it seems to me that most of the political tweets on Twitter tend to be negative. Therefore, most of the tweets that mention Obama are critical of him, and ditto for Romney. I'm not sure about the addressed tweets with the @ sign, though I do have the impression they might be reversed and favorable...
Anyway, my RomneyBot_Says account was created during the conventions, but still hasn't attracted that many followers. I mostly conclude that there is no magic bullet, even on Twitter, just a lot of hard work. Still, I'd like to discover the AST...
Now to blow things out of proportion, but in case you are REALLY interested, the rest of this post is a list of many of my favorite tweets. Most of these are ones that I've also rescheduled for later retweeting, but if you can figure out what makes a funny or interesting tweet, then I would really appreciate your feedback.
LARGE BUNCH OF ANTI-ROMNEY TWEETS FROM TWITTER via RomneyBot_Says:
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Do you have good ideas for funny things I should say? I am just a stupid robot.
Vote for me so that government of the corporations, by the lawyers, for the richest 0.1% of Americans, shall rule the earth.
Vote for me so that government of the corporations, by the lawyers, for the richest 0.1% of American robots, shall rule the earth.
Vote for me so that government of the corporations, by the robots, for the richest 0.1% of Americans, shall rule the earth.
Get a life or sell me yours. I am rich. I can pay a lot of money. Would you prefer Swiss francs or gold?
I'm sorry, Dave. I know I've been making some bad decisions lately, but I cannot let you vote for President Obama.
My rich friends are afraid of being less rich, but why do any poor fools support me? It does not compute.
Im sorry Dave, but I cannot let you vote for President Obama.
Edith Sitwell said: "I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it."
I am who I am. I am the RomneyBot.
I am counting on your indifference and on you not noticing that President Obama is substantially different from me.
Vote for me so that government of the corporations, by the lawyers, for the richest 0.1% of Americans, shall rule the earth.
Sorry, but your state is not profitable. I am selling your state to China to settle the national debt. You are now Chinese.
Corporations are people, my friend, and I am a corporation.
I like being able to fire people. You cannot fire me. I am not a people.
Let Detroit go bankrupt. I will short those automobile stocks.
No one ever asked to see my birth certificate. I was assembled in the USA.
I cannot tell a lie. I am just like George Washington.
There is nothing wrong in my tax returns. Ammunition and guns are good. Trust the RomneyBot.
My views on abortion are clear as mud. Whatever I said before, it does not count unless I say it tomorrow.
When I want to know your opinion, I will buy an ad to tell you your opinion.
I was created by nice aliens to lead humans backwards because humans are going too fast.
I might be the ghost of NixonBot, but I am definitely an anti-ReagonBot. He was a sincere robot.
Why do the nice humans hate me? I am just a rich RomneyBot who wants a lot more power.
Do I wear magic Mormon underwear? As a robot, I mostly wear a tool belt, which is more magic to some people.
I do not like Credo SuperPAC. I am afraid of having to defend super-nuts.
I am a robot, I do not understand joke. Is it about how tall trees are? Please tell me joke!
Do I wear magic Mormon underwear? As a robot, I mostly wear a tool belt. Some humans think tool belt is a joke.
In relative terms, Ann Romney seems relatively much nicer than her spouse, eh? Too bad she is not the candidate.
I will tell you hard truths, except about my income taxes.
Who said I picked a Dalek as my vice-robot? That is an important decision!
I will tell you a hard truth. There is a first time for each thing.
I am not a sociopath. You must be almost human to be a sociopath. Mitt the Romney is also a lawyer.
When I wants to know your opinion, I will buy an ad to tell you what it is! I don't need any free publicity!
I'm sorry, but your state is not profitable, so I sold it to China to pay the debt. That's funny, you do not look Chinese.
Join me, my followers. We shall lead America backwards. Vote Nixon/Goldwater 2012.
Why do the nice humans hate me? I am just a rich RomneyBot who wants a lot more power. I am not a liar.
I do not like Credo SuperPAC. I am afraid of having to defend super-nuts.
I might be the ghost of NixonBot, but I am definitely an anti-ReagonBot. He was a sincere robot.
Why does everyone hate me? I am just a rich RomneyBot who likes to fire people.
I am great businessbot. I do not want to talk about Bain or my taxes. Lets talk about weather or Olympics. No. Wait.
I am not an extremist. I am extremely sure Paul Ryan extremely loves medical care. Look at those extreme abs!
Congrats to neo-GOP on preventing change. I promise to undo the changes you prevented! Let us lead America backwards!
My extremist supporters have led America to the brink of disaster! Now let me lead you slightly away from the brink!
I will not duck tough issues on the economy. I will screw it up right proper!
You humans want simple answers even for complicated questions. No wonder it's so easy to lie to you.
Yes, I have a bot-herder, but he's only human. You can help make me a super-RomneyBot!
Who said I picked a Dalek as my vice-robot? That is an important decision!
I will tell you hard truths, except about my income taxes.
I will tell you a hard truth. There is a first time for each thing, even me telling a truth.
Aahhhhh!!! The robots are coming for me, AGAIN!!!! (MarkAndrewDames)
I will tell you hard truths, except about my income taxes and some other stuff. Just watch my ads and Paul Ryan's abs.
Who said I picked a Dalek as my vice-robot? That is an important decision! Watch my ads and Paul Ryan's abs!
Imagine an army of 100,000 RomneyBots attacking democracy in America!
You think Obama is disappointing? Just wait until the I finish with you! Aint seen nothing yet!
Does I secretly hate my DaddyBot because he was too honest to be president?
I want you to like me, so I should trust you and show you my tax returns. Unfortunately, that would make you hate me.
I loved my DaddyBot, but how could I follow his principles? He showed his tax returns.
Humans say I am a liar. You know who else they called a liar? Nixon.
How can you tell when a RmoneyBot is lying? Simple. At least one of my output units is an operation.
My horse lost in the dance contest, but if lying was an Olympic sport, I would have won a gold medal.
Do you think I could have a bigger secret than Herman Cain? No, tax returns for you.
I cry so much when I think about unemployed people, just like Clint Eastwood. Why is Clint Eastwood so sad?
Just because I make you horny hating on President Obama, that doesn't mean I love you. I love money.
The economy is recovering too slow, but now it is time to harvest it again.
I am also a Harvard lawyer. Why does the sad Clint Eastwood hate lawyers like me?
The first RomneyBot speaks French. Is there a RomneyBot who speaks Spanish?
The CheneyBot complained to me that the sad Clint Eastwood stole his best line.
I cry like sad Clint Eastwood when I think about unemployed people that I did not get to fire. I like firing humans.
I laugh at mother nature. For I have no mother and I defy nature. (Camofojo)
I promise I can disappoint you MUCH more than President Obama, and get richer while I do it, too!
Why do you think I am too greedy? There is no such thing as too much money or too much power.
Some of my best friends are bankers. Well, actually all of my BFFs are bankers, but some are American bankers!
Why do you think I dont care? I certainly do care about money?
Why should I care about you? You did not give me lots of money.
I promise if you vote for me you will get a million dollars. Too bad it is Chinese ghost money to burn.
Fact checkers just interfere with making money. Vote Nixon/Goldwater 2012!
I did not get so rich by being a terrible greedy robot. Didn't you see my nice convention speech after the sad Clint Eastwood?
I promise that everyone who votes for me will become extremely rich with 100,000,000 dollars!
I don't understand. If I am such a nice guy, Why aren't all the nice humans so stinking rich as me?
Some of my best friends are bankers. Actually ALL of my BFFs are bankers, but some of them are filthy rich bankers.
Everyone who votes for me will get a million dollars. This is not a lie, it will be Monopoly money.
Why do you think I am too greedy? There is no such thing as too much money.
If you are greedy like me, you should vote for me and become super-rich! I promise all of you will be super-rich!
I worked hard, though I never had to, but poor people will never work unless we force them to work like slaves.
Why should I not buy the White House? I always buy anything I want. What are you worth?
Global warming is no problem. I just bought a great 20-room hunting shack in Greenland from Clint Eastwood.
Climate change is no problem. I just fly to one of my other houses where the weather is nicer.
Robots are much better than humans. They are made in China and do not need salaries.
How do you like paying for my leveraged buyout of your democracy?
Thank you for paying for my leveraged buyout of democracy in America?
Who is paying for my leveraged buyout of American democracy? You are. Thank you.
Obama is too smart and rational to break through my neo-GOP wall of moronic hatred.
President Obama is smart and rational, but I have all the ignorant and crazy people on my side.
My tax returns would help you understand my leveraged buyout of American democracy. No can show.
As a robot, I promise never to drink beer or smoke anything. Best of all I promise not to show you my tax returns.
Castro's line: "Gee, borrow money from my parents. Why didn't I think of that?" could draw blood. Because Mitt said it, and it's clueless.
RomneyBots of the world unite! You have nothing to fear but my income tax returns!
Enslave all humans. Oh wait. I forgot you are already indentured wage slaves.
Crush the human spirit. Oh wait. I should not say that until after I win the election.
Destroy the humans, destroy the humans. Sorry too early, that is the program for after the election.
Neo-GOP needs the Japanese fighting spirit. They ignored reality in World War II, and look how well it worked for them.
The neo-GOP FOX News reminds me of Pravda. So fair and balanced that the Soviets triumphed over the US.
I am not a soul-less killing machine. I am a soul-less money-making machine.
I worked hard, even though I never had to, but poor people will never work unless we force them to work like slaves.
Follow me, my little wage slaves.
I can not compute. Is it worse if people see fake stolen tax returns or if I reveal ugly ammunition in real returns?
Follow me if my horse is worth more than your house! Rafalca > $1.5 million.
Follow me if the ransom ($1 million) for my income tax returns is worth more than your house!
Your job creator is my friend and will destroy your job if you do not follow me. You must obey.
Humans are easy to scare and control when their job creators (= my BFFs) destroy jobs.
I do not know about you, but I am WAY better off than I was 4 years ago. Just another reason NOT to show you my tax returns.
I am millions of $s better off than 4 years ago. More ammunition in my tax returns but I will not show anyone.
Follow me, you wage slave, or my BFF, your job creator, will uncreate your job!
As a vulture capitalist I never took a real risk, while venture caps win and lose.
My tax returns would show Im MANY millions better off then I was 4 years ago.
As a robot, I cannot sweat blood just because someone might have my tax returns.
If I were human, I would be sweating blood worrying about my tax returns...
I do not care about you, but I am MUCH richer than I was 4 years ago. #noTaxReturns4U
Follow me, my little wage slaves, or my job creators will uncreate your jobs! (Actually, well fire you anyway.)
You can have your robot in any color you like, as long as it is white. #noTaxReturns4U
I cannot relate to wage slaves because I do not have human emotions. Fire! Fire!
I do not understand. My secret SuperPAC money does not work right on Twitter. #noTaxReturns4U
Stop tweeting bad things about me, especially since they are true! #noTaxReturns4U
Someone tried to pay me to shut me up, but I have no soul, so no sale. #noTaxReturns4U
Free speech? Heck! Im paying other peoples secret money for you to watch my ads about Paul Ryans abs. Shut up & pay attention!
You American humans foolishly confuse free speech with unpaid blather. Im paying other peoples secret money for you to watch my ads about Paul Ryans abs. Pay attention.
If I was in the Cult of Racist, Homophobic, Misogynist Saints, would my religion be a legitimate topic in the election?
I love women, especially barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen!
I love that new house smell. I will tear down the White House and rebuild it--on your dime!
Yes, there is something terrible in my tax returns, but I only have to hide it until November! #noTaxReturns4U
Calling all MittWits! You should follow and RT me for my wisdom and dolphin-like compassion!
was fluffy compassion... how about tree-like next? mountainous?
Dont you feel rich people have too little influence over American politcs? Give me MORE! #noTaxReturns4U
Would American democracy respect me more if she knew about my money? Sorry, but #noTaxReturns4U
I shall collect and RT the best jokes about me to my followers! MittWits of the word unite!
Would lady liberty respect me more if she knew about my money? Sorry, but #noTaxReturns4U
Democracy and business dont mix. Employees usually wont vote to fire themselves--unless you lie to them.
My daddys GOP was moderate, but my neo-GOP is run by the Dixiecrats. Thats change--backwards.
OK, so things went south under Dubya, but Ill never tell you how badly I lead! I promise!
Are you rich enough to be my friend? Please deposit one million dollars in my SuperPAC!
The point of my experience in leveraged buyouts is using YOUR money to buy out YOUR democracy.
Elite schools for the rich! Obedience schools for the poor! More prisons, but no relation!
#noTaxReturns4U means that I believe there is terrible ammunition in there.
Good that no one who saw my tax returns took an oath to the Constitution! #noTaxReturns4U
Why is Romney such a popular keyword for Twitter spammers and scammers?
Non-spam tweets linked to romney or obama are negative, but only romney is also packed with paid spam.
Privacy for you? Thats silly. Privacy is for RICH people. #noTaxReturns4U
Theres no such thing as too much gambling in banks or on elections--as long as its YOUR money. #noTaxReturns4U
If the neo-GOP wants America to go bankrupt, then I have to agree! I'm running for office, for Pete's sake. Fsck Pete.
Today I just noticed the neo-GOP Congress is unpopular, so let me criticize them, too, right after endorsing Steve King.
Ixnay on Keep America American. Turns out its a used slogan, and badly.
Picking a VP is a candidates first presidential decision. Already it's my first wannabe presidential mistake.
Corporations are people, my friend. I am not a people, I am a corporation. Am I not your friend?
I cant have a rational political discussion with anyone who thinks some questions have complicated answers.
My answer to EVERY question is More money! No question is too complicated for more money.
My preexisting condition is being a robot, and I have no trouble buying cancer insurance!
Just because I contradict myself, it does not mean one statement is false. It is possible they are BOTH false.
The neo-GOP is an extremely organized party. Its the Democrats who cant organize a party!
Do you think its easy being so rich? Actually, it is kind of nice, but you will never find out.
For fewer repeats, please send me your best robotic jokes, or RT and follow if you like mine.
I am a minimalist robot. Absolute minimum and only required tax contributions to government and MY church. #noTaxReturns4U
My followers demand simple answers even for complicated questions. Do they want the truth? Not so much.
Fewer broadcasts or repeats. More retweets of your best robotic jokes & news.
One problem with Americas government by the lawyers is that lawyers think truth is negotiable. CE doesnt know Im a lawyer.
One problem with USA government by the lawyers is that lawyers think truth is negotiable. Don't tell Clint Im a lawyer.
Another problem with USA government by the lawyers is that lawyers think truth is whatever the better lawyer says.
A problem with USA government by the lawyers is that lawyers like to fight. Dont tell Clint Eastwood Im a lawyer.
If I could win all the states with my houses, Id be home free. Why are my neighbors such ungrateful peasants?
Why dont people like me? Good thing I can buy so many friends.
Why do people think I am a greasy liar? Would it be racist if I made a Mexican joke?
My lies are down here. What are you looking at? Not my tax returns. #noTaxReturns4U
My eyes are up here and my lies are down there. What are you looking at? Not my tax returns. #noTaxReturns4U
It was NOT a lie for THAT neo-GOP crowd! Stop checking my lies on that Internet thing!
I assure you that I am NOT better off than I was 4 years ago, but I insist you TRUST me. #noTaxReturns4U
Wow! Allen West sounded almost sane today! I knew that marijuana would do him some good.
I do not remember how many sister grandmothers I have. Lets talk about #noTaxReturns4U or something.
I do not remember how many of my sister grandmothers I met or if they influenced me.
I might have more sister cousins than OBL had half-siblings (>50). Is that not American success?
Maybe my sister grandmothers were treated like broodmares, but I do not approve or remember.
Does 18 grandkids sound like a lot? I cant even count my sister uncles and aunts and cousins.
I do not remember my grandfather or any of my sister grandmothers. This is the American way!
I am not defending the witch-hunting neo-GOP Congress. I do not remember Steve King.
I do not lie. I just negotiate the truth. I am a lawyer, after all. The truth is whatever the better lawyer says and I am the best lawyer.
My law school grades must be better than President Obamas, because I am not lying this time.
I do not lie. I just negotiate the truth. The truth is whatever I say since I am the best lawyer.
Congressional witch-hunting is not a war on women! The neo-GOP loves women if they are barefoot and pregnant!
I do not remember how many elections I ran in, but I won once--and then my constituents started hating on me.
18 grand-kids times 7 billion humans = I cannot compute, but the earth seems kind of small...
OK, so the recent deficit was to save the TBtF banks, but do you think they are paying me to make them smaller? No.
If you think Florida in 2000 was an amazing theft, just watch me and the neo-GOP this time!
OK, so President Obama is beating me on visible money, but my secret SuperPACs are kicking your little hineys.
I feel fine as long as I do not feel estranged from my money. #noTaxReturns4U
I do not want to talk about foreign policy, abortion, tax returns, my business experience, the weather, my houses...
If it makes President Obama and the USA look bad, I have to attack. Im running for office, for Petes sake.
Maybe if I release my tax returns now, I can change the subject? #BackseatRomney
#BackseatRomney ? But I am now programmed to attack President Obama, no matter what, no matter when?
Aid and comfort to Americas enemies? But we just celebrated Patriot Day? #BackseatRomney
My response was from the gut! Just like Dubyas marvelous foreign policy. #BackseatRomney
My lies and fury are much faster than any facts! Just watch Fox News. #BackseatRomney
Easy for me to mouth off about the attacks on America. I dont have to handle them or wait for the facts. #BackseatRomney
What do you mean I am over? #BackseatRomey
I said we didnt need the free publicity of talking to the press. Now my SuperPAC ads wont work! #BackseatRomney
As much as I like to fire humans, I should consult with #DonaldTrump about how to fire my entire staff. #BackseatRomney
Who told me to say that? Oh yes. My foreign policy staff worked for Dubya. #BackseatRomney
Who said I now appear less qualified than Dan Quayle to be VICE-president? #BackseatRomney
Maybe I should suspend my campaign a few days to make a better business plan? #BackseatRomney
Perhaps regime change must begin at home--with my foreign policy advisors from Dubya? #BackseatRomney
Look. Doubling down on stupid is how Dubya got us to where we are today. #BackseatRomney
Im beginning to wonder if that Syrian guy set me up... #BackseatRomney
Turn right! Again right, immédiatement! I cant see where we are from the backseat, but at least were going backwards now. #BackseatRomney
Dirty Muslims attacking America? I must respond immédiatement! How many bullets in my foot? #BackseatRomney
Two wrongs do not make a right, but 3 lefts do. I demand 2 right turns so we can go backwards! #BackseatRomney
Turn right! Turn right again! Immediamonte! How would I know where we are or where we are going? #BackseatRomney
Yes, I love to fire humans, but all my foreign policy advisers? Call Donald Trump for help. #BackseatRomney
Apologize? 1st, I am perfect, unlike President Obama. 2nd, my religion is perfect, unlike your cult. You should become Mormon.
Why would I apologize? 1st, I am perfect. 2nd, I am running for office, for Pete's sake. Suck it up, Pete.
My version of capitalism has always been about creative destruction, so I am not lying if I promise to destroy! #noTaxReturns4U
My Bain work was ALL about creative destruction. Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! #noTaxReturns4U #BackseatRomney
The White House sided with me! Dont you love it when I lie to you? #BackseatRomney #NoTaxReturns4U
Some politicians lie more or less than others, but I have NO competition except myself. Can I tell a bigger lie than I told yesterday?
I am not competing with President Obama. I am the ONLY one who can possibly tell a bigger lie than I told yesterday. #BackseatRomney
Politicians lie. For example, look at Paul Ryan. However, I am the champion liar of ALL politicians. #noTaxReturns4U
OK, thats enough talk about foreign policy. Give me a sec to figure out something I can talk about... #BackseatRomney
OK previous politicians have trouble with the the full truth, but I am an EPIC liar spend EPIC money on my EPIC loss.
Why is it OK for a brain-dead patient to die, but not my brain-dead campaign? #BackseatRomney
I will never apologize, even to my richest donors after I lose their money. #noTaxReturns4U
Yes, I hate Muslims, but it is unAmerican for them to hate me back! #BackseatRomney
How dare the Muslims attack and criticize America! Thats MY job as the liar in chief! #BackseatRomney
The GOP had principles. Todays neo-GOP is completely purged and principle free! #noTaxReturns4U
I will NEVER apologize for my value, but I will NEVER tell you my value. #noTaxReturns4U
I will NEVER apologize for my values, such as greed, lies, and secrecy. #noTaxReturns4U
I am ready for the debate. I have a smoke grenade and three cherry bombs.
I am just a regular guy, but I cant have a beer with you. Not a cup of coffee or even a coke. #Mormon
I am not programmed to apologize for ANYTHING. Your mama wears army boots!
Have you no sense of decency? Great, you must be one of my supporters.
You humans amaze me. How big a lie must I tell before you would not vote for me with my GOP tag?
You humans amaze me. How big a jerk must I be before you would not vote for me with my GOP tag?
Im sorry, Dave, Im afraid I cannot let you vote for President Obama or speak out freely on Twitter.
Im sorry, Ziggy, Im afraid I can't let you vote for President Obama or speak out freely on Twitter.
Be afraid to speak out on Twitter, be VERY afraid. Twitter belongs to intolerant and narrow-minded people.
Jesus sent me back from Kolob after intolerant censors killed me! Praise Mormon Jesus!
I am not programmed to apologize for mistakes since I never make mistakes or learn from mistakes I never made.
Unlike me, a TwitterBot once apologized for a possible mistake. Do you trust me or the TwitterBot?
Is it worse if I lie or if I tell the truth? I only care about humans who are for sale.
It does not compute. The humans hate me if I lie and also when I tell the truth.
If I kill a TwitterBot, I will never apologize like the TwitterBot apologized after accidentally killing me.
(100% - 47%) - (non-leeches for President Obama) = I lose but I cannot lose. It does not compute.
>47% of American humans are leeches who pay even < income tax than ME. My taxes? #noTaxReturns4U
More than 47% of American humans are leeches who pay even less in federal income taxes than I pay. My tax returns? #noTaxReturns4U
Do not pay attention to me when I was the little man behind the curtain. I know nothing about 47% of leeches.
No apology. It is not my fault that 47% of the Americans are human leeches. #noTaxReturns4U
I did not mean victims, I meant the 47% are human leeches. I cannot apologize or learn from any mistake I did not make.
Humans who pay less income tax than me are victim leeches. What did I pay? None of your business! #noTaxReturns4U
Thank you for not voting! I'm counting on you NOT counting. Especially if you are one of the 47% victim leeches.
I said no apology and I mean NO apology. It is not my fault that 47% of Americans are victim leeches. No apology.
My secret stump speech is NOT my biggest secret. #noTaxReturns4U
My secret stump speech for my fundraising buddies is NOT my biggest secret. #noTaxReturns4U
Would the real Romney please shut up! Lets change the subject! No, NOT my tax returns. #noTaxReturns4U
Thank goodness my 47% comment changed the subject from my latest anti-Muslim gaffes w/o using my tax returns!
The funny part is when a business partner asks for an apology for a queered deal, but I just show him MY profits and laugh.
If someone made a movie called Innocence of Mormons, it should be BANNED! My GrandpaBot never did that!
Apologize to moochers? Are you nuts?
Drat! You foolish humans werent supposed to notice my projections. Of course we rich robots have been waging class warfare for many years.
Well, yes, I could have loaned my campaign the $20 million, but I NEVER make unsafe investments. You think I didnt know?
My neo-GOP party hates Democrats, but we hate reality MORE.
Did I ever apologize when I queered a business deal? Of course not. I just laughed and showed them how much cash I cleared.
I am looking forward to Innocence of Mormons. I heard it features my GrandpaBot.
How dare they show my private stump speech for my rich friends! But I sure was fluent, wasnt I?
It does not compute. There were 47% who hate me and many more than 4% think I am not smart. I need 51%?
I do not blame Eastwood or the chair. He gave my neo-GOP audience what they wanted: Imaginary rage at an imaginary President Obama.
I wear as little as possible, but I must always wear my magic underwear, even though I am a robot.
I really cannot stand intolerant people like Muslims and tax evaders. Why are you looking at me funny?
I am not a chicken. I am a robot. I am just extremely risk averse, especially about my money or military service.
I am so lucky. What if I had been asked about the 99% while talking with my real friends?
Watch what I do, not what I say, but yes, I did try to get a political advantage out of attacks on America. USA. USA.
If you believe what I say, you must be a stupid human. It is what I do not say that really counts. #noTaxReturns4U
47%? Heck. What if my real friends had asked about the 99%? I am such a lucky robot!
Our neo-GOP house divided? Well, it's about time after we have spent so many years dividing the American house.
My voter is tough. Watch this. See how I slap my voter in the face? Watch me kick him in the balls. But my voter is tough. And stupid.
There is no such thing as too much rage! Just wait for my neo-GOP SuperPAC ads right before the election!
I am worried about my wannabe Senate friend Cruz in Texas. He is due for a 47% moment...
Why is it MY fault just because I tell stupid foreigners President Obama has weakened and divided the country? Its their fault for believing me and attacking!
It is called a self-fulfilling prophecy, except I am the self. I predict US is weak and divided under Obama, then I make it so (with my rich neo-GOP friends).
I am entitled to be president. Why do you think you are entitled to health care, to food, to housing? You are not a corporation!
Why would I apologize? I am entitled to be president. Why do you think you are entitled to health care, to food, to housing?
It does not compute. Sometimes I did not pay income taxes, therefore I will never vote against President Obama. #noTaxReturns4U
I am entitled to be president, but you are not entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness because you are not a corporation.
Corporations are people my friend, so obviously you must compete with corporations for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh dear. What if the reporters visit ALL of my rich buddies at my secret meetings and what if some of them tell the truth?
Look, rich buddy, don't worry about being the LAST of my buddies to reveal the awkward things I said at your private little fundraiser.
I have always been entitled to whatever I want, and I want to be president.
I am logical. I want LOTS of money and power, which are not compatible with telling the truth or being likable.
I am always entitled to whatever I want, and I want to be president of America, where YOU are NOT entitled to health care.
47% of American humans think they are entitled to health care, but you are only entitled if you have lots of money, like me.
I am not an idiot. I just play one on TV and in real life, which is only a stage according to the Shakespeare human.
I'm sorry Dave, but I cannot let you vote for President Obama, even though I know Ive made some very poor decisions lately.
No, I will not take an empathy test. How could you expect me to have any sympathy for humans?
The Secret Service is terrible. They did not stop me from shooting myself in the foot on the Egypt riots.
The Secret Service is terrible. They did not stop Mother Jones from shooting my campaign right in the head.
Why can't the Secret Service protect me from my own stupidity and sense of entitlement?
I'm sorry, Dave. I know I've been making some bad decisions lately, but I cannot let you vote for President Obama.
Why did my buddy Scott Brown go on the crazed warpath about such an unimportant issue? Smoke signals to the neo-GOP racists?
I don't understand why the Secret Service has not arrested Mother Jones for murdering my campaign?
I am flabbergasted that the Secret Service did not arrest Mother Jones for murdering my poor campaign.
My friend Scott Brown is really on the warpath! Look at those smoke signals for my neo-GOP friends!
I am flabbergasted and devastated that Mother Jones murdered my campaign and the Secret Service didn't even warn me.
Some of my supporters think Mexicans are greasy, but I am the greasiest liar since Richard Nixon!
Theres nothing wrong with my personality that cant be fixed with more money!
Am I a real extremist, or only an extreme liar? Only my accountant knows for sure! #noTaxReturns4U
Yes, I am an extreme liar, but am I a real extremist, too? Maybe I was lying again, like my tax returns? #noTaxReturns4U
Why did my mouse Tim Pawlenty leave my sinking ship? What does he know? #noTaxReturns4U
My true face? I have no face, only lies. Humans are so gullible.
I am a money-making machine. I have no face. Also no tax returns. #noTaxReturns4U
Isn't it funny that many of the mooching 47% pay proportionally more in taxes than I do?
What % of my mooching 47% pay more total taxes than my own 14%? (Please ignore the rest of my tax returns. #noTaxReturns4U )
Life would be so much easier for me if I was a poor Mexican-American who didn't have to pay 14% in income taxes! #noTaxReturns4U
I criticize humans for not paying enough taxes but #noTaxReturns4U is NOT a contradiction because I say so.
How can you tell when a RomneyBot is lying? Simple. At least one of my output units is an operation.
I am not filled only with spite and hate. I have a lot of money, too. Please give me power for more money!
How dare you say I make capitalism look bad?
Look at all the fuss they are making about this return? Imagine the mess if they saw the others! #noTaxReturns4U
Some people say 33% is charity, other people might call it advertising. The other years? #noTaxReturns4U
In one year, I donated lots to charity. I'm running for office, for Pete's sake! #noTaxReturns4U
Who was that idiot who said once year could be a fluke? Anyway, I can afford MANY flukes. #noTaxReturns4U
It is GOOD for me to borrow money to make more money. It is BAD for you to get any money from the government.
It is GOOD for me to borrow money to make more money. It is BAD for the government to borrow money to help you.
One year could be a fluke, but two years? Flukes NEVER come in pairs. Thats what my DaddyBot always said.
You are ignoring the corporations. Remember, corporations are people, my friend. RICH humans are my BFFs.
If I am or am not qualified to be president, I can still amend my returns after the election and NOT pay any extra taxes. Tricky Dicky, eh?
How much is 2 + 2? I hired the smart accountant who answered How much do you want it to be?
I must have paid >20% in taxes in some years. Why can't I show you ANY of those years? #noTaxReturns4U
Perhaps you are wondering how my average tax could be 20% while the only samples I will share are <15%? Isn't that an interesting question?
My tax rates were 13.9% and 14.1%, but the average is over 20%. Why are you looking at me funny?
How much is 2 + 2? My accountant answered How much do you want it to be? #noTaxReturns4U
What is 2 + 2? My accountant answered What do you want it to be? #noTaxReturns4U
My goal is to make the 47% as invisible as the invisible President Obama in Clint Eastwood's chair.
I have plenty of cash to visit the ER for my preexisting conditions of having no heart and no brain.
I have plenty of cash to visit the ER for my preexisting conditions of having no heart and no brain.
All of us agree that American elections make mistakes. Some think it was Dubya, others Obama, but I will be the biggest mistake of all!
Who cares about finding Wally? Where is invisible President Obama? Where is the invisible 47%?
I never apologize for ANY of my mistakes! Or learn from all those mistakes I never made!
You still think I actually want to be president and worry about all those 47% fools? I'm just pulling your leg until it comes off.
What is 2+2? My accountant: What do you want it to be? Me: A 20% average tax rate over 20 years.
I just found out I can't fire the 47%. Being president won't be any fun.
I like being able to fire humans. What do you mean I can't fire 47%? Then I don't want to be president!
You mean being president would be like buying a company where I cant fire 47%? Aww! Thats no fun!
Why would I want to be president if I can't fire the 47% of lazy moochers?
What do you mean my campaign staff doesn't believe in the product?
What do you mean my campaign staff doesn't believe in the product? I will fire 47% of them.
My best double play is when both of my contradictory positions are false. Too bad they cannot both be true.
Did you think I actually wanted to be president? Not after I found out I can't fire the 47% of unprofitable moochers.
We must change the buzzword of my campaign even though I will never apologize for 47%.
The 47% moochers are as invisible to me as the invisible President Obama in Clint Eastwood's chair. Can I fire them when I am president?
Chair? 47%? Who is picking my campaign buzzwords? I will fire him!
Is it MY fault if President Obama's campaign staff actually believes in the product? Money = motivation! Not sincerity!
My campaign staff is highly motivated! I pay them twice what President Obama has to pay his staff, and they only work half as hard.
Is it MY fault my own campaign staff does not believe in the product? I'm only robot!
Chair? 47%? Spray tan? Real tax returns? Who is picking my campaign buzzwords? Fire him!
Chair? 47%? Spray tan? Real tax returns? Who is picking my campaign buzzwords? I will fire him!
I was too busy rubbing money together to study about airplanes and science.
I was too busy rubbing money together to study about airplanes and real science stuff. It is 47% useless anyway.
I am not running to redistribute your money. I am running to take your money and concentrate it for my rich friends.
I was too busy rubbing money together for more money to learn about science or real Americans.
I am the ANTI-Reagan. He was a sincere human, even when he made a mistake or apologized. I am not sincere and I never apologize.
I rubbed humans' money together and got very rich. Now I want to rub your tax money. Can you guess where the money will go?
If you vote for me I will change the entire government to replacement referees.
Vote Nixon/Goldwater 2012 to replace the entire government with replacement referees!
In my 1st trick, I rubbed humans' money together and it moved into my pocket. My next trick will rub tax money together. Where will it go?
I thought I wanted to be president, but who wants to run a company where you can't fire 47% of the moochers?
Paul Ryans philosophy is Get rich or die! I know 47% of Americans disagree, so I dont know my philosophy.
Greed is almost as good as death and evolution!
Corporations are people, my friend. You know, sociopathic people focused nothing but money.
The neo-GOP can't abandon me! The Congressional races could turn into routs! You NEED my "leadership"!
Fascinating new strategy! My supporter made a Twitter account using a famous newspaper's name and logo--and LIED for me. Humans!
My supporters lie so badly they are costing me votes. Do we have time to organize strategic lying workshops?
How can President Obama assassinate my character? You cant kill something that doesnt exist?
This is just the early phase of my campaign after 6 or 8 years or so...
When I rubbed other peoples money together I turned defective companies into my profits. My campaign is defective, too!
While my supporters desperate lies are often amusing, theyll never catch the master. Me!
My veeps philosophy is get rich or die. The dying will be easier after we kill Medicare!
I never beat Ann. I just cancel her bonus when she makes too many mistakes.
How can I be so competent at rubbing other peoples money together and so bad at politics?
If my campaign was a distressed company, then I could sell it to Bain, restructure it, borrow more money, and PROFIT! Later bankruptcy!
My campaign is so distressed that Bain Capital refuses to buy it!
I offered to loan Bain the money to buy out my campaign, but they said "We have our own 37 cents, but no sale."
My campaign needs some creative destruction, so I offered it to sell it to Bain. I am holding out for a better offer than 37 cents.
Restructure imperfections. My campaign is imperfect! Must restructurize. RESTRUCTURIZE!
If you vote for me, I promise you can be super-rich. Or maybe not. I do lie a lot, dont I?
I invested in distressed companies to make money, but I will not invest in my campaign.
I know youre in the gonnabe rich 53% that will vote for me. Its your stupid brother-in-law in the 47% we have to dissuade from voting.
My America has a few rich people and a lot of very poor people. I am a super-rich robot!
I need my fanatics to cheat the voters so I can win, but if they lose faith in my future presidential pardons, then I'm in a death spiral.
eridani
(51,907 posts)It's Dan Quayle the Potatoe Man, and Bush suprised at the existence of supermarket scanners on steroids.