An Open Letter By A #NeverHillary Supporter Who Is Definitely Not Vladimir Putin

[geek tragedy]

Hello. It is I, normal American voter of age group Millennium. Name Doug or something.

My guys, can you believe latest scandal in campaign of Hillary Clinton? This scandal is all my millennial friends talk about, as well as her many other scandals, and “Game of Thrones.” It is hot topic of conversation and snapchats when we get together to trade cassettes at hottest new borscht place (we are “foodies”).

We do not like Hillary Clinton, but not because she is woman, no no. We are young Americans with soft hands who do not think it is shameful to vote for a female who has never strangled a wolf. No, we do not like her because of the content of these emails.
These emails show that the Democratic National Committee has rigged the election in favor of Hillary Clinton! Shame! Shame! I will never vote for her, and neither will any of my friends in backwards baseball caps! It is wrong to rig elections, and not sensible and normal! I love basketball!

It is not important who hacked these emails or why. My friends Doug and Doug and my girlfriend Beyonce and I all agree on this. “What if it was the Russian government? Wouldn’t that be a frightening indication that Vladimir Putin is attempting to destabilize an American election and tip the balance in favor of Donald Trump, whose anti-NATO stance would potentially make it easier for Russia to invade countries in the old Soviet bloc?” absolutely none of us said.

We were too busy playing Pokemon: Go!

We know nothing of Putin, except of course that he is handsome and strong, like a robot with tigers for hands, and Beyonce has many times dreamed of him shirtless upon his majestic horse.

We know only that we will never, ever, ever vote for Hillary Clinton. It is very important to our principles to not vote for this shame-woman. No matter if this means the election of Mr. Donald Trump. No matter who this hurts.

Or who it helps.

See you at the Justin Bieber concert!

Your definitely American friend,
Doug

https://medium.com/@fullfrontalsamb/an-open-letter-by-a-neverhillary-supporter-who-is-definitely-not-vladimir-putin-37157d4c65d8#.sv2dw0z0b

[Little Star]

1. lol

[tonyt53]

2. Ohhh you're gonna get hate mail.

[NurseJackie]

3. Ha!! :-D

[guillaumeb]

4. Wait until Doug and Beyonce meet Joni Ernst. eom

[MADem]

5. How many rubles for that opus, I wonder!!

"Doug!" Someone's been watching Dougie Howser rereuns, I'm thinking!!

[Chiquitita]

6. wow

really a thoughtless insult to millennials. Whoever wrote this has sad 50 year old+ syndrome (and I say this as someone from that demographic). No millennial hipsters who play Pokémon Go like Justin Bieber. Really a dumb attempt at humor.

[geek tragedy]

7. Umm, it's supposed to be a paid Russian troll pretending to be a milennial.

it's supposed to be cringe-worthy by missing the mark so badly

does this sound like something a milennial would write?

We know nothing of Putin, except of course that he is handsome and strong, like a robot with tigers for hands, and Beyonce has many times dreamed of him shirtless upon his majestic horse.

[Chiquitita]

10. oooohhh. Thanks. Too many layers

for my little brain!

[geek tragedy]

11. no sweat. it's pretty funny when you read it from that angle nt

[Rex]

8. I was trying to figure out why this looked like it was written by an imbecle.

Took me a moment, in Russia joke would be on me!

[geek tragedy]

9. this part is a pretty good clue

We know nothing of Putin, except of course that he is handsome and strong, like a robot with tigers for hands, and Beyonce has many times dreamed of him shirtless upon his majestic horse.

[Rex]

12. Took 3 sentences, but yeah by that part I was all like, "funny Bear and Bull story ha ha"!

Oh sorry, Trump riding a lion not bull.