BREAKING: America Unexpectedly Becomes Great Again Without Trump Intervention, Mogul Despondent

[Miles Archer]

Breaking story, so no link yet.

FOX NEWS NEW YORK: The morning crew of Fox News' "Fox & Friends" was clearly stunned this morning when reporting that America, at 11:57 PM last night, became great again.

Respected journalist Steve Doocy told the Fox audience that "We sure didn't see it coming, folks, but last night...right before midnight...it came across the wire services that America is "great" again. I guess this means that Donald Trump will have to change his campaign slogan to something like "Keeping America Great" or "America Great Redux" or "Look, Honey, America Is Great Again," but we know one thing. Mr. Trump's high level of personal integrity that stands behind every product and service in the Trump brand, from his mouth-watering steaks to his opulent hotels, will surely motivate a change in his marketing tactics."

Trump had been seen in his office at Trump Tower earlier today, staring wordlessly across his half-eaten order of an Egg McMuffin and hash browns, which had been delivered earlier by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. In a barely audible voice, he muttered "Take this away." Christie replied "Where, Boss?" Trump then reclined on his luxurious leather sofa, stared at the ceiling, and muttered "the horror..."

Trump's running mate, Indiana Governor Mike Pence, told reporters "This is all a big misunderstanding. There are 39 days until the Presidential Election, and I have every confidence that America will slip back down to being not-so-great again, and when it does, I will be right there by President Trump's side to make it great again. As George W. Bush famously said, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and you don't get fooled again."

Former U.S. President George W. Bush could not be reached for comment.