G.O.P. RACE TURNS UGLY AS PAUL HEAD-BUTTS CRUZ

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a preview of what promises to be a heated race for the Republican Presidential nomination in 2016, Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) head-butted his rival Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) on the floor of the United States Senate this morning.

The melee “came without warning,” one observer said, as Sen. Paul took to the well of the Senate to give a speech recommending a strong but measured response to the crisis in Ukraine.

Almost immediately, a furious and beet-red Sen. Cruz began heckling Sen. Paul, calling him a “Kentucky-fried Communist” and demanding that he “apologize to Ronald Reagan this very instant.”

Sen. Paul seemed to ignore the heckling at first, but as Sen. Cruz’s taunts descended into a stream of profane name-calling, the Kentuckian leapt from the well of the Senate and began throttling Sen. Cruz before administering the decisive head-butt.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/03/gop-race-turns-ugly-as-paul-head-butts-cruz.html

[Arkana]

1. I wanted to believe this happened so, so much.

[SmittynMo]

2. In the aftermath of the skirmish, Sen. Paul seemed pleased with the outcome. “Sen. Cruz and I may no

In the aftermath of the skirmish, Sen. Paul seemed pleased with the outcome. “Sen. Cruz and I may not always agree, but we’re both passionate about our views,” he said. “This kind of debate is healthy for the Republican Party.”

I love every second of this. Wish it was on video. I'd love to see the gash over Cruz' eye.

Both of these guys are useless. Maybe they should try out for a hockey team.

[mindwalker_i]

3. And a resounding "squish"

was heard throughout the land.

[question everything]

4. Let's just hope that we will know how to exploit this (nt)

[Gothmog]

5. I love good satire

Andy Borowitz does some great satire

[nxylas]

6. "This kind of debate is healthy for the Republican Party"

In case folks aren't aware, that's actually how Republicans are spinning their internal divisions, claiming that it shows how diverse they are, because they have white, male billionaires *and* white, male rednecks.