Millions Pay for Rare Opportunity to Hear Sarah Palin Speak

[Zorro]

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Sarah Palin’s online video service starring herself had a hugely successful launch on Monday, as millions of Americans paid $9.95 for the rare opportunity of hearing the former Alaska Governor speak.

The Web site for The Sarah Palin Channel reportedly crashed several times during the day, as it was overwhelmed by subscribers seeking a once-in-a-lifetime glimpse of the reclusive Palin sharing her opinions.

At the corporate headquarters of the Palin Channel, the marketing director Tracy Klugian attributed the site’s mammoth success to “the simple law of supply and demand.”

“The Governor is a very private person who chooses her words very, very carefully,” Klugian said. “When someone like that finally decides to speak out, millions of people will pay to hear what she has to say.”

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/millions-pay-rare-opportunity-hear-sarah-palin-speak

[Hissyspit]

1. Just another scam for the grifter.

She'll probably quit the channel halfway through.

[unblock]

2. “The Governor is a very private person who chooses her words very, very carefully,”

gotta love borowitz!

[politicaljunkie41910]

6. You beat me to it. When has this woman stopped talking?

She will never get wealthy off of ONE DIME of my money that's for certain. If the dumb republican underclass wants to redistribute THEIR wealth into Sarah Palin's pockets, then be my guest.

[sharp_stick]

3. A moron and his money are

soon parted.

I know it's Borowitz but you can bet that Palin will make some decent coin on this scam.

These are the same imbeciles that fork over cash every time Glenn Beck goes on a rant about his Utopian shithole "Independence USA". Still nothing on that front by the way.

I wonder how much Palin will take from the flock before slinking off into the sunset once more? History suggests sooner rather than later if you're putting money on it.

[TlalocW]

4. She's a political Willy Wonka

That's what she is. Reclusive, secretive with hordes of people waiting to be invited into her sanctum sanctorum.

TlalocW

[Sunlei]

5. I read they have a TV snake farm! Sarah milks her own snakes for the freshest, organic botox.

[lunatica]

7. Borowitz!!

I knew it was either him or The Onion. LOL!

[bigdarryl]

8. Stupid ass people

[SmittynMo]

9. After reading this:

“The Governor is a very private person who chooses her words very, very carefully,” Klugian said. “When someone like that finally decides to speak out, millions of people will pay to hear what she has to say.”

I'm pretty sure I just swallowed my own vomit.

[sakabatou]

10. At first I was like, "WTF?"

and then I read Borowitz.

[Liberalynn]

11. I'd pay her to shut up

[savalez]

12. reclusive?

If she's being reclusive then I don't know what reclusive means anymore.

Edit to add "Effen Borowitz." lol.

[TeamPooka]

13. That's the word that popped out to me too. If Sarah is reclusive so is Kris Jenner.

[savalez]

14. lol

[talkguy365]

15. Nails On A Chalkboard.

I'd rather listen to Hillary.

[DFW]

16. There are probably Republicans out there who don't get that Borowitz is mocking them

As for Palin, I'd pay $995.00 never to hear from her again, as long I can make the check out to the American Cancer Society and hand-deliver it.

[jamzrockz]

17. Oh my

I thought for a second that I was reading real news. Damn you

[Joe Nation]

18. Ear Sandpaper

Listening to that woman's voice is like taking a power sander to my ear drums. I think that she was best described as..."one part sassy and a little dash of high school bitchy." What an empty-headed twit the Right idolizes but then again, they thought Reagan was an actual God. Pu-leeeease!

[Zorro]

19. The Onion captured a most accurate description of her voice

http://www.theonion.com/articles/sarah-palins-speaking-demands,17287/

[davidpdx]

20. Suckers!

[SmittynMo]

21. Millions Pay for "Rare Opportunity" to Hear Sarah Palin Speak?

I really didn't think there were that many stupid, ignorant people in this country. I sit corrected.

[Arthur_Frain]

23. I might

I'd pay her to speak, but only if she promises to say anything that makes sense. Lucky for me, that means this ain't going to cost me one thin dime!

[sakabatou]

24. XD