Karl Rove reaveals GOP 2012 strategy

[bklyncowgirl]

Sitting at the bar at 3:00 am in the Newark Airport first class coctail lounge, GOP strategist Karl Rove was overheard explaining the Republican strategy to a coctail waitress named Sheila. After Sheila brought him a fourth double Mai Tai with a pink umbrella stuck in the top, Rove, now relaxed, well to be accurate, pretty well hammered, began to fill Sheila in on the super secret campaign strategy.

"We're trying to lose. I mean seriously, I can't understand why no one's figured this out. I mean look at what we have running."


"You got Mitt Romney, a guy who makes Gordon Gecko look like Mother, f*#@%% Teresa. He's got all the warmth and cuddliness of the guy who fired your dad. Hell, he probably IS the guy who fired your dad."

Rove took another sip of the Mai Tai.

"Then there's Gingrich. Don't get me started. Dude looks like Chuckie the killer doll. He's got more baggage than the F*&%@g Titanic. I'm talking a whole *&$@ harem full of wives and ex-wives and girlfriends. Not to mention he took in the big bucks lobbying for every one from Freddy Mac to the Pharmaceutical industry--says he was a historian--well after this run he is gonna be history."

He grabbed Sheila's arm as she was trying to get away to take the orders of a pair of businessmen sitting at another table.

"Santorum, yeah like people who aren't batshit crazy Jesus jumpers are going to vote for a guy whose name gets blocked by the smut filters if they try to Google him at work. "

"Do you know what Santorum is, Sheila?"

Sheila shook her head no. Rove pulled out his blackberry and typed in Santorum. Sheila looked at the results. Rove opened one of the first pages.

"Yuck" said Sheila.

"Exactly." said Rove. "Now I've known Rick Perry for years. He's a jackass, always has been a jackass and always will be a jackass only now he's proved to all the world that he doesn't have two brain cells to rub together on national television. I'll say one good thing for him. He's made my boy George W look like *&%@ Einstein."

Rove took another sip of his Mai Tai, almost stabbing himself in the eye with the pink umbrella.

"What about Hunstman?" asked Sheila noticing that one of the businessmen at the other table had gotten up and ordered his drinks directy from the bartender. "He seems like a nice guy and he plays a mean rockabilly piano."

"Huntsman, give me a break. He may be a nice guy but you know where nice guys finish in this business? All Obama's got to do is run ads with those lines Huntsman wrote when he was working for him, things like 'exceptional leadership. Not gonna happen anyway. Republicans don't want a nice Morman piano player."

"OK, well my little brother went to work for Ron Paul. Says he's going to become president and get rid of the Federal Reserve."

"Sorry, sweetheart. Not gonna happen. Ain't no way we're giving crazy uncle Ron the keys to the White House and anyone who wasn't smoking too much of that stuff that Paul wants to legalize would understand that."

"So than what is the plan? I mean it sounds like you want to re-elect Obama."

"Now you're catching on. Here's the plan. We nominate Romney. Obama whips his Morman @#$ from Maine to Oahu. He gets re-elected but the economy's still in the crapper. The next president is going to have to do some pretty unpopular stuff. Obama's a boy scout. He's gonna wanna do the right thing even if it's political poison.and our guys in Congress are going to be screaming their heads off about the deficit and refusing to go along with anything he wants. We force Barry O to make all these unpopular cuts in Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, etc.
By the time 2016 rolls around the voters are sick to death of Democrats. We bring in my boy Jeb all bright and optomistic and happy as Florida sunshine (by 2016 most people will have forgotten about why they hated his brother). If Jeb isn't up for it maybe we get behind that lardass Christie if he hasn't been indicted or suffered a massive coronary or some other Republican governor who hasn't managed to get run out of town on a rail. Whatever, we kick donkey butt in 2016 and the Republican century begins. Now do me a favor and bring me another Mai Tai, will you, sweetheart."

And that, my friends it the Republican strategy, and if you don't believe me, ask Sheila.

[Lawlbringer]

1. "Do you know what Santorum is, Sheila?"

I lost it at that.

I have a friend who gets drunk at bars and pulls up the most ridiculous porno to show to anyone he can talk to.

[bklyncowgirl]

2. Yeah poor Sheila was ready to cut out at that point

She was hoping for a good tip.

[wandy]

3. Nice sumation, and well written.

[SlipperySlope]

4. Whether planned or not, it could work out like that.

2012 looks like a train wreck for the Repuglicans.

Romney looks to have the nomination sewn up. But his own base doesn't even support him, and he does nothing to excite independents. Unless there is some terrible screw-up Obama is going to mop the floor with him.

Meaning that, that, 2016 will be interesting. Not even clear who we are going to run then, Biden isn't being groomed for it (IMHO).

[bklyncowgirl]

6. The Dems have a few good prospects

As far as the Republicans go, Jeb Bush can't run now but like I said by 2016 no one will remember why they hated his brother. Christie is the man in NJ after he did (I have to admit) a good job during the hurricane. What he'll look like in four years (aside from the Goodyear blimp) is anybody's guess. Before the hurricane the polls had him losing to Cory Booker and a hypethetical run against Bruce Springsteen! Rick Perry is a dead man walking. Bobby Jindal is just too weird even for Republicans. Most of the other Republican governors outside the deep south are pretty close to being tarred and feathered and ridden outof town on a rail by their outraged constituents.

As far as the Dems go, let's see. Biden's too old. Hillary Clinton has a huge favorability rating. Will she be too old? There's a few governors with good poll numbers. Andrew Cuomo will probably want to run maybe Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer who'll be out of office. I'd say Jerry Brown but he's way too old and not having such a great time in California. Who else, who knows, maybe Howard Dean might want to give it another shot. That would be fun.

[rhett o rick]

5. Well done. I have been saying this for years. The republicons didnt want to win in

2008. They ran nitwit McCain and what's her name.

[Tsiyu]

7. Nice

The K and the R

[ellisonz]

8. Mai tais are too classy for Karl Rove.

According to Jeff Gannon, he drinks wine coolers.

[Little Star]

9. Good job analyzing and writing that up...

I do believe they have no intention of winning. They don't want to deal with this mess. They will bring in their A team in 2016 is my prediction.

[DesertRat]

10. "Republicans don't want a nice Morman piano player"