Romney’s Wife to Stand Next to Him at Debates

[JRLeft]

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that some political observers are calling unprecedented, the Romney campaign today officially requested that Ann Romney be permitted to stand next to her husband during his three scheduled debates with President Obama.

While the request drew immediate howls of protest from the Obama campaign, Mrs. Romney issued an official statement claiming that she was not trying to give her husband an unfair advantage.

“I want to stand next to Mitt for my benefit, not his,” Mrs. Romney’s statement read. “Mitt is so human and so warm, I can’t imagine being away from his warm humanity for as long as two hours. That’s how warm a human he is. Really warm and really human.”

But Mrs. Romney’s statement “doesn’t pass the smell test,” says University of Minnesota political science professor Davis Logsdon, who studied the Romneys’ Sunday appearance on NBC’s “Meet the Press” and noticed Mrs. Romney “emitting a series of barely detectable signals and cues.”

Read more http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2012/09/romneys-wife-to-stand-next-to-him-at-debates.html#ixzz266Wz4iJi

[BeyondGeography]

1. That's so mean

[Warpy]

2. Oh, Mitt, just do what Stupid did

when Karen Hughes wasn't allowed on the stage prompting him.

Use an earpiece.

[FirstLight]

3. WTH?

Please tell me this is supposed to be a joke....

[awoke_in_2003]

15. The Onion...

had an article about giving up, because they just can't make shit up anymore that is stranger than reality.

[DeSwiss]

16. Google:

ANDY BOROWITZ

[BenzoDia]

55. lol, thanks. This had me going for a few minutes.

[Scootaloo]

4. I was going to be very puzzled until I saw it was Borowitz

Motherfucking Poe's Law, man... This sounded exactly like what Ann would say:

“I want to stand next to Mitt for my benefit, not his,” Mrs. Romney’s statement read. “Mitt is so human and so warm, I can’t imagine being away from his warm humanity for as long as two hours. That’s how warm a human he is. Really warm and really human.”

This campaign is killing satire.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

11. It's getting hard to sort out fact from fiction anymore, isn't it?

I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if Romney had made such a demand. I really wouldn't have.

[Cha]

13. She's protesting too much

that he's human.

[CitizenPatriot]

24. I knew she didn't say that

because there wasn't an ounce of self pity in it. "How dare you silly people not see how warm Mitt is" would have snared me.

[Scootaloo]

42. It reminded me of this comic panel...

Last edited Tue Sep 11, 2012, 01:29 AM - Edit history (1)

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=150

[Drale]

26. Look how many times she used to word human

I wonder if she's trying to convince herself or America that he is indeed human

[lumpy]

33. Oh my God ! What the hell is wrong with Romney ? There is something wrong with a man

who would want his wife holding his hand while he tries to convince an audience that he is qualified to lead... anything. It simply can't be that she is so dependant on him that she can't do without his extraordinary "warmth". Can you imagine Mrs. Romney hovering around hubby in the Oval office or during an important senate meeting ? Good God allmighty !

[smirkymonkey]

53. Irony is dead....

Again.

[SoapBox]

5. I would think it was an Onion headline but

it is Mittens! And the Repukes! And the, PANIC mentality.

What a freak show he is...

[Cooley Hurd]

12. Better than the Onion - it's BOROWITZ!

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport

[Liberal_Stalwart71]

6. Is this a true article? Really?

[hollysmom]

7. this is satire, right?

[JRLeft]

8. Yes! LOL!

[hollysmom]

10. there are days when I am really off planet, I will shut up now, this must be one of them.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

21. As I said before, Onion has a really tough job these days.

[Voice for Peace]

45. it's so close to true, you're not the only one in this thread who was fooled (incl.me) nt

[hollysmom]

18. Are you sure? February Ann said... Hee

Ann Romney offers to stand in for her husband at debates

As the GOP presidential debates dotting the primary calendar appear to have slowed, Ann Romney offered a suggestion Saturday to combat debate fatigue.

Let her take the stage.

– Follow the Ticker on Twitter: @PoliticalTicker

"If we're going to do another debate, he's going to sit in the audience and watch me. And that'll be it," she joked of her husband during remarks to an audience of roughly 1,500 people at an Americans for Prosperity forum in Troy, Michigan.

[karynnj]

37. I doubt she would agree to a debate with .... Michele Obama

That would be a complete mismatch!

[Downwinder]

9. Puppet Master/Mistress?

[MatthewStLouis]

19. Hmmm. Yes, when they are in the same room together, are they ever at more than an arm's length?

And when Queen Ann isn't around, does anybody ever see her anywhere else? Hmmm. Perhaps she's up in the rafters pulling strings...

And judging from all the lies he tells, I'd bet he is going to have to remain a wooden puppet!

[DeSwiss]

14. She just wants to be near......

...in case those cowlicks act up again.


Brylcreem - a little dab'll do ya!
Brylcreem - you'll look so debonair!
Brylcreem - the girl's will all pursue ya!!!!
They'll love to get their fingers in your (Swiss bank accounts) hair!!!!


- K&R

[Brigid]

17. Why is it . . .

That any Romney-related satire, no matter how ridiculous, always sounds so eerily plausible?

[lumpy]

39. It had me embarassingly fooled.

I really thought it plausable.

[CTyankee]

60. I'm looking at bylines now first thing. It's really strange and I've been fooled before,

like with that Stephanie Cutter parody. I could have SWORN that was her!

That was embarrassing...

[gordianot]

20. I think there should be a first lady debate there could even be an old geezer debate for Clint.

Why not have a debate between voters picked at random? It would make sense as much as anything Republicans have done this year.

[MFM008]

22. I thought this was a joke.

from the Onion or something. OMG. My brain just siezed up thinking about this one.

[niyad]

23. remember tom lehrer's comment that political satire died when kissinger was awarded the nobel prize

[LiberalFighter]

25. It would pass the smell test if...

she had a big pile of fresh shit next to her. It would emanate enough heat to warm the cold twit's heart. And she wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

[jberryhill]

27. So, Borowitz is now making fun of MS victims?

Do we have a "sarcasm sarcasm" tag?

[fun n serious]

28. Wow

Mitt can't think for himself and wants to be POTUS.

[man4allcats]

35. If this weren't the satire it apparently is,

I guess it would come down to Mitt needing his wife/Mama to back him up. What a clown! Ike would turn over in his grave at what the ReThugs are coming up with for candidates these days.

[Speck Tater]

29. Sure. Why not? Let him make himself look like a mama's boy.

Show the whole world that he doesn't have the courage to stand up there on his own. I say let him make an ass of himself. People will just laugh at him for it.

[liberal N proud]

30. We had better not elect him then, Ann might need him.

Another reason he should not be President. He needs take care of poor Ann.

[fun n serious]

46. You got it. n/t

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

31. Bullshit!

I can see her now, telling Mitt "Let me answer this one"
His warm humanity................now if that's not a phrase the comedy writers can have fun with there isn't one......... :O)

[lumpy]

32. Shades of Nancy Reagan. Does Romney need coaching from his wife, also ?

n

[lillypaddle]

34. This is from the Onion, right?

I hope so. Sheesh.

[Canuckistanian]

40. It's Borowitz...

Almost the same thing.

These days, you have to actually check to see if it's satire or not.

[sakabatou]

49. True.

[lillypaddle]

58. Thanks

Maybe I'm slower than most, but I wish people would state "satire" in the headline. I almost found that completely believable.

[Kteachums]

36. Why? Does she want to show off her new blouse or skirt?

Tee, hee, then Obama should bring his wife and daughters.

[2on2u]

38. Puppeteers are known to stay close to their props. n/t

[aletier_v]

41. Holy cow, there really is something wrong with him.

Maybe there's something to that "brain damage" rumor, after all.

How can this possibly help his campaign?

It shrieks "weakness" to the world.

[eShirl]

43. I want to see her drink a glass of water while he rebutts.

[cyberswede]

52. ...

[azurnoir]

44. Just gave me an idea I'd love to see a debate between

Ann Rmoney and Michelle Obama it could be a first and really worth watching, Michelle could let Ann pick the subject and would still mop up the stage with Ann as the mop

[cheezmaka]

63. Me too!

I'll even PAY MONEY to see that...LOL!!!

[Rosa Luxemburg]

47. How can the undead be so human and so warm?

[sakabatou]

48. But tha- oh wait, Borrowitz

[Brother Buzz]

50. Andy Borowitz has a wicked cool pen

[Faux pas]

51. LOL is is kind of a wussy boy, I can picture it!

[Iggo]

54. Totally true, I assure you.

[outsideworld]

56. I actually Believed it

Its a scary thing that all these satire's are really not so far off from believing

[gkhouston]

57. Also, she'll re-wind him during Obama's answers. n/t

[lunatica]

59. The Republican party has turned into

[HopeHoops]

61. Somebody has to hold his Mr. Dinky.

[magical thyme]

62. sigh. another satire fail. too many people believed it.

Including me.


It dawned on me the reason Borowitz nailed it with Ryan's claim to have shot bin Laden is because 1. Lyin' Ryan is such a pants on fire liar it was only a matter of time before he made the claim. Borowitz just beat him to it. and 2. We already know who killed bin Laden.

[Monk06]

64. I believed it untill all the warmy warmness. The problem is I don't rule out R&R from pulling some

bullshit regarding the debates.