" you can hate the industry, but not the women. That's crucial. "

[seabeyond]

I was searching for feminist stripper's organizations on google because of my confusion. I am a feminist stripper and I often feel confused, lost, stressed, lonely, and terrified. I am pissed at the misogynist judgments that I am a slut and whore, at which I defiantly open my legs a little wider. I am terrified of the feminist judgments that I am a sell out and that I promote sexism, at which I agonize and think about daily, stressing over my impact, trying to make sure I only take money in clubs and never pose in magazines that little girls might see, etc. Any direction that I turn, I am judged harshly and terribly and there is no relief for my situation, no clarity at all. I feel confusion over knowing that I should certainly be allowed to make my own decisions with my body and not be considered disgusting if I am associated with sex or am a prostitute or stripper.

The other times I wonder if it is really my choice I make for my body or is really just influenced by a patriarchal society, and because of my body image problems, rebellion against my dad's sexism, rebellion against a world which told me I had to close my legs and not have sex, that I must follow the RULES and be a GOOD girl, etc. I feel confusion because I see how the industry is currently sexist but doesn't have to be, how women do not realize that not only are the women in clubs not supermodels but not all of us are sure of what we are doing there, and that while it may seem degrading at times to cater to men's wishes, at other times we are in complete power and control. Many of the strippers I know hate men and want to use them and unfortunately this is the outlet, one which is not ultimately powerful for women.

I also feel confused when I see the men who have been hurt by sexism and the sado-masochist portrayal of what sex is, and go to the forbidden zone of being the subjugate in sex, and play the part of a "woman" and beg me to hit, punch, kick, and whip them. Sometimes when I am punching a man, I feel confused inside, because I think "perhaps feminists would be happy to see that I am in control here, I am not being hurt"; then I think "or would they be upset that I am still doing something for him, something HE ultimately wants out of me?" I used to hate every single customer for being male and being in a place which uses and ranks women but now I see individual stories and I can't hate every single customer, especially when they tell me they know they are messed up inside. No I do not like the competition of women selling themselves to men. I do not like how it uses low income women and how most of the women I know are saving for numerous plastic surgeries because of how we feel about our bodies.

But the strip world is very confusing and I have very few other choices, with the amounts of money I need to make for my goals (which involve helping empower women, as my every aspiration is to help women out of stripping and out of pleasing men instead of themselves - be it in a strip club, or on the street) and to help repair the extensive damage and deformity I did to my body when I had liposuction at a young age, due to anorexic/BDD craziness. I really hope one thing: that feminists will realize that not ALL strippers are uncaring women who want to be better than and crush other women, or who like their position in society. Sure, some may be, but I am a stripper and I can't stand those women, I feel they are betrayers, the enemy.


http://www.feminist.com/askamy/feminism/0707_fem08.html



just one womans voice.

sigh....

[redqueen]

1. I don't know of many feminists who hate anyone.

I've seen some occasional ranting which intimates a brief flirtation with hatred of men, but that always goes back to loathing and disgust and frustration with the patriarchy and those men and women who support and reinforce it.

This is interesting...

Sometimes when I am punching a man, I feel confused inside, because I think "perhaps feminists would be happy to see that I am in control here, I am not being hurt"; then I think "or would they be upset that I am still doing something for him, something HE ultimately wants out of me?"

IMO the reason to be upset with that is because it is reinforcing the fetishization of dominance and abuse, which IMO is unhealthy.

[seabeyond]

2. and that would be my sigh. the confusion in this woman. to think a feminist would cheer abuse.

so much confusion. why i posted this.

[redqueen]

5. I really liked Amy's response.

It's so bittersweet seeing this woman talk about how she wants to use the higher wages to help others escape.

And it reminds me of how intertwined capitalism and patriarchy are.

[seabeyond]

7. yes. me, too.

I think that everything you expressed is in line with most peoples thinking, it's just so damn hard to have one resolved response. Most people rightfully feel multiple things on the issue and all things can simultaneously be true: it's exploitative and women do choose it; it's fun and it's degrading, etc.

[ismnotwasm]

3. Many years ago

I was a stripper. Didn't last long, I decided I'd rather sell drugs. I didn't feel empowered, I had been calling myself a feminist since I was 19. I was confused as to what 'empowerment' meant, but I figured out real quick it wasn't creepy men or barely men who wanted to see me perform the pseudo-sex strippers call dancing, then invite me to 'private' parties afterwords. It wasn't empowering to be harassed by a vice cop, I never was quite sure why, I do know the cop got busted in some scandal a couple of years later. I'm thinking I was lucky there.

My first night working, I watched a women get fired because she was too loaded on heroin. Lots of-drug use. During my time, I saw skillful, talented women who knew how to work the crowd, contortionist like, they did amazing things with their bodies, all for the pleasure of men. You could make a lot of money. I saw tired women at the end of their career, they hadn't gone to school, or saved money; stripping was the only thing they knew and it has a rapid past due date. A lot the my friend of my youth are dead, many were on the periphery, if not into sex work or drug use.

I still know strippers, although I know far more ex strippers now. I know sex workers. I have a couple of of good friends into SMBD.

I've never hated or blamed the sexworker, it's counter productive. As they say over at IBTP, you can't choose to be objectified when you're born that way.

Sex workers who choose to should always have an out, support without condemnation. It's very telling that this is NOT the case in this women's letter; "stripping or the street" shouldn't be the only choices for anybody to obtain their dreams.

[seabeyond]

4. good post.

i am learning so much about you, lol. thanks.

many years ago... lol, i had to make the choice if i wanted a "sugar daddy". i just could not figure out how to get the trip to hawaii, without having to have sex with the old man. (in 40's i imagine. but at 18, old)

[ismnotwasm]

6. LOL

A couple of young women at work were talking about that very thing; it seems that a friend of one of them--from Kazakhstan, I believe, it was-did opt into one of these arrangements and these young women, all under 25 were wondering 'how could she have sex with an old man' In this case in his fifties. This was more a 'sponsored immigration' situation.