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Why I知 breaking the cycle of violence in Afghanistan
By Salim Hussaini/Guest Blogger — January 28, 2013
I never realized how devastating our culture was for women until my brother-in-law tortured my sister.
Growing up in Afghanistan, I had already watched my father beat my mother—but that was seen as just another part of daily life. Then the cycle of violence continued when I myself became an abuser. I began to beat my sisters and harass girls in the street. I restricted my sisters’ movements, how they looked, and who they spoke to. Afghan customs taught me that the honor of my family was more important than the physical and psychological wellbeing of my own siblings. I was following accepted cultural norms without shame.
Then, one of my younger sisters, Soraya, was forced to abandon school and marry against her will. The couple moved to Iran and my sister became yet another victim of domestic violence in her wretched and abusive marriage. Her husband beat her while she was pregnant and regularly tortured her, locking her in her room and threatening their infant son with a knife. The scars on Soraya’s hands and her drastic weight loss were the only things that spoke of her horror.
Like my mother and many other Afghan women, she quietly and dutifully accepted her fate
After five years, when my family finally learned of this abuse through another brother-in-law, we tried to take action. But Soraya didn’t speak up or stand against her husband’s brutal acts; instead, she tried to make it seem like everything was normal. To rescue her, we were confronted with mountainous challenges: financial difficulties, distance, laws that maintain gender norms, social stigma, and relatives who opposed and condemned our attempts to help her.
For the first time I realized that gender discrimination and inequality are wrongly ingrained in our culture. To help my sister, I had to fight with mullahs and our elders; I had to struggle with practices, beliefs, and values that filled my life since birth.
I never realized how devastating our culture was for women until my brother-in-law tortured my sister.
Growing up in Afghanistan, I had already watched my father beat my mother—but that was seen as just another part of daily life. Then the cycle of violence continued when I myself became an abuser. I began to beat my sisters and harass girls in the street. I restricted my sisters’ movements, how they looked, and who they spoke to. Afghan customs taught me that the honor of my family was more important than the physical and psychological wellbeing of my own siblings. I was following accepted cultural norms without shame.
Then, one of my younger sisters, Soraya, was forced to abandon school and marry against her will. The couple moved to Iran and my sister became yet another victim of domestic violence in her wretched and abusive marriage. Her husband beat her while she was pregnant and regularly tortured her, locking her in her room and threatening their infant son with a knife. The scars on Soraya’s hands and her drastic weight loss were the only things that spoke of her horror.
Like my mother and many other Afghan women, she quietly and dutifully accepted her fate
After five years, when my family finally learned of this abuse through another brother-in-law, we tried to take action. But Soraya didn’t speak up or stand against her husband’s brutal acts; instead, she tried to make it seem like everything was normal. To rescue her, we were confronted with mountainous challenges: financial difficulties, distance, laws that maintain gender norms, social stigma, and relatives who opposed and condemned our attempts to help her.
For the first time I realized that gender discrimination and inequality are wrongly ingrained in our culture. To help my sister, I had to fight with mullahs and our elders; I had to struggle with practices, beliefs, and values that filled my life since birth.
http://www.womenundersiegeproject.org/blog/entry/why-im-breaking-the-cycle-of-violence-in-afghanistan
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