Things to Say Instead of 'That Takes Balls': A Definitive List
Okay. I am officially bored of this conversation about what we should say instead of "he's a pussy" or "that takes balls" if we want to talk about weakness or pluck without undermining our commitment to female empowerment. Because, YES, it is kind of sucky when lady-parts are stand-ins for wet, sloppy shittiness and man-parts are stand-ins for having the bravery of a mighty lion. (Not to mention the fact that dude lions are total Hufflepuffs who don't even DO SHIT EXCEPT BRUSH THEIR HAIR AND TAKE A NAP. Whatever.)
But Betty White clearly already handled the balls thing, and Dan Savage cornered the market on pussy, so why does this biz still come up all the goddamn time? It's one of those things that becomes a stand-in for actual conversation because people are too tired to make up new stuff to talk aboutlike when you want to make a joke without burning any brain-calories, so you just pretend like you misheard someone, like, "Ohhhh, you're taking your dog for a walk!? I thought you said you were going to take your BLOG for a CLOCK and I was like, what!?!?!?!?" No. (Enough of that, by the way. Unless it's a really, really good one.)
Anyway, what reminded me was this piece at the Bygone Bureau, which is actually a funny little satire on this whole conversation:
Since my heroine is a feminist, in order to avoid saying the more male-centric phrase That takes a lot of balls, I am considering that she should say That takes a lot of clit. But this substitution doesnt ring true to me. Size doesnt necessarily matter in terms of the clitoriss ability to feel pleasure, or in terms of a womans fertility. And so, to say, for example, that She has a ten-inch clit doesnt have the same gravitas as Hes got huge cojones or Hes got a ten-inch penis (although a ten-inch clitoris would be quite something to behold) . In any case, trying to find another phrase is mind-boggling what part of the female anatomy would be the equivalent?
So ANYWAY, even though that was a joke question in a joke essay, I thought I might as well try and answer it once and for allbecause what would be better than never talking about this ever again, and also avoiding the word "clit" in my work Inbox for the rest of my life? In the interests of balancing out our abundance of anti-woman colloquialisms, I've come up with a list of all the ball-substitutes you'll need for any occasion. And best of all, they're completely gender neutral! I AM NO FEMALE SUPREMACIST!
http://jezebel.com/things-to-say-instead-of-that-takes-balls-a-definiti-1435537541