A Letter To All Women Who Have Been Told To Quieten Down, Speak Softer and Be Less Angry

[ismnotwasm]

Dear woman who has been told to quieten down, speak softer and be less angry all of her life,

You thought if you spoke less, and in a softer voice he wouldn’t notice the anger oozing out of your lungs in the form of words.

You feel like fire in an ocean.

Most days you question yourself. Interrogate yourself as if you are a felon on trial for having a big mouth.

You question whether you are too loud, too opinionated and too damn angry.

You have been taught to accommodate, absorb, and the back of your neck aches sometimes from nodding so much.

Every question you ask in class begins with “sorry.”

http://thefeministwire.com/2013/11/a-letter-to-all-women-who-have-been-told-to-quieten-down-speak-softer-and-be-less-angry/

[HockeyMom]

1. That might work when she is young

but when she reaches middle age, and ESPECIALLY Old Age, just TRY to shut her up.

[seabeyond]

2. lol. the perfect one i put on facebook. be right back... lol. nt

[seabeyond]

3. here it is

[seabeyond]

4. i am loving the read, but had to stop for this.

[ismnotwasm]

8. Yeah, I'm stealing that

[xulamaude]

11. And the most likely

to be told (in one way or another) to STFU.

[Sheri]

18. possibly true, but is it good to be feared?

i am just not sure about that.

[seabeyond]

5. good article.

The worst part about being less angry is all the hard work it would take. Anger is a permanent tenant in your body. All the years of having to suppress your sexuality for others, the doubts about your body, the pressure from everyone around you to be a lesser version of yourself. How can you not be angry?

The exclusion. The loneliness. The isolation.

But, your spirit, your fire, your anger always prevails.

To the woman who has been told to quieten down, speak softer and be less angry all of her life, you are my heart in human form. I wouldn’t want to be in a world where you don’t exist.

well. is that something. i will say, that i did decide i just would not lower my eyes one more time. but, there comes a price. for sure.

i tell people, the easy way is to stay quiet. in all ways.

it is hard to speak out when the easy way is so handy.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

6. Is quieten a word?

Does this situation exist for women younger than say 40?

[ismnotwasm]

7. Yes

qui·et·en (kw-tn)
tr. & intr.v. qui·et·ened, qui·et·en·ing, qui·et·ens Chiefly British
To make or become quiet.


And yes

[seabeyond]

9. "women younger than say 40? " why would you ask such a question. obviously you read the article to

think a gotcha with "quieten" adn if so, i think it is pretty obvious the conditioning starts immediately. so i ask, why are you asking this question "women younger than say 40? ". i do not get it.

[seabeyond]

10. quieten was not in the title. nevermind, lol nt

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

12. I asked about quietness

Because I wondered if it was typo or something. As for the second question I base that on my own experience. My wife and I raised our daughter in an atmosphere that did not stifle her (I hope). And she and all of her friends I have met certainly do not interact with the world in that fashion. she is in her early 30's
In the headline I mean quieten

[ismnotwasm]

13. Hmm

That's very good to hear.

The letter is to those who internally question their right to speak their minds, but not necessarily the ones who are too afraid to. Many women overcome inhibitions especially in certain fields, say.

Some women speak up from the beginning. Some never learn to.

[seabeyond]

14. i speak up. and i pay the price. with your daughter her age and plenty

of experience. ask... what happens and how she is made to feel. not those that stay silent, but even in the speaking up, does she have this conversation with herself.

you have a comfortable receptive environment where speaking up is rewarded. that is not our reality and what we face in most of the real world.

[xulamaude]

15. Parental support of a postive self image

goes a long way but it does not negate entirely the effects of an entire world.

I was raised to believe that I could do and be anything I wanted to be but it rarely turned out that way, like for most people - it's just a whole lot harder for girls.

[Triana]

16. My favorite piece about the "too angry" label when it's slapped on women....

"Too Angry for What?"

. . .

I find the “too angry” label most often hurled at women and people of color. And likewise, that intended insult, or leverage, is usually not hurled *by* people of color. As a matter of fact, I cannot remember ever being told I am “too angry” by a person of color. I recall it being mostly white males who call me “too angry.” The women who call me “too angry” are usually women who are white, middle class, and very tied into the patriarchy as their support system. Or, more simply put, women who are financially dependent on white men. Basically *anyone* who does not support and promote white male land owner privilege, as was instituted at the birth of this nation, is labeled “too angry.” I have come to see the anger label as a form of political manipulation in and of itself.

Just as it was fear that motivated my white male acquaintances to belittle rap and hip hop in ways that starkly contradicted the rest of their musical preferences, I think it is most often fear that makes people label women “too angry” too. When I think of women society labels as “too angry,” Roseanne is the first to come to mind. (Personally, I found her rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner,” and subsequent crotch grabbing and spitting, at that baseball game, to be one of the most brilliant performances in history and I still get chills thinking about the pure genius she has displayed over the years). Gloria Steinem is called “too angry.” Feminist author bell hooks is labeled “too angry.” Very intelligent women, who are notably full of genius and vision, have been and currently are, labeled “too angry.” Basically, if you are an outspoken feminist, you *will* be labeled “too angry.” It is guaranteed. But why? Why is it impossible to be an outspoken feminist without the “too angry” name calling? I think it is because using the “too” in front of the “angry” has an inherent judgment to it, and that the label “too angry” is used more often to control women, than as constructive behavioral criticism.

So let’s see here . . . Feminists are too angry. People of color are too angry. Funny thing, it seems disempowerment and abuse breeds anger. When I look at who is labeled “too angry,” I realize I am in good company. I do not want to be in, or support, the status quo or middle class. If I scare patriarchy enough to warrant the “too angry” label, it means I am effective. You have got to look at who is calling you “too” angry and why. The political use of the “too angry” label has been hurled in the past at Malcolm X, Black Panthers, famous feminists throughout history, anarchists, rap artists . . .basically anyone who threatens to upset the status quo. Even the Dr. Rev. M.L.King, jr., who many view as too pacifist, was called “too angry” as a way to try to neutralize his influence within the status quo.

Am I “too” angry? Too angry for what? Too angry to fight for an end to homelessness and hunger? Nope. Too angry to fight for women’s equality? Nope. Too angry to stand up for what I know is right even amidst a sea of armored pigs waving sticks and spraying chemicals? Nope. Too angry to fight rape? Nope. Too angry to fight for children’s rights? Nope. Too angry to fight to save our eco-systems? Nope. Too angry to fight against third world exploitation by first world countries? Nope. Too angry to formulate coherent arguments and persuasive articles on these issues and my anger? Nope. What am I “too angry” for? I am too angry for the status quo. Yes, I admit that. But is that a bad thing? I am not convinced that is so. Who draws the line between enough anger and “too much” anger? Who can we trust with such judgments?

THE REST:

http://www.sevenbowie.com/2012/12/too-angry-for-what/

The article was written not by me, but rather by Kirsten Anderberg: http://www.amazon.com/Kirsten-Anderberg/e/B004M3MZM2

[ismnotwasm]

17. 1,000,000

[Sheri]

19. great article. thanks for the post. nt