'I'm Not Your Wife!' A New Study Points to a Hidden Form of Sexism

[seabeyond]

http://m.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/06/im-not-your-wife-a-new-study-points-to-hidden-sexism/258057/?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

"We found that employed husbands in traditional marriages, compared to those in modern marriages, tend to (a) view the presence of women in the workplace unfavorably, (b) perceive that organizations with higher numbers of female employees are operating less smoothly, (c) find organizations with female leaders as relatively unattractive, and (d) deny, more frequently, qualified female employees opportunities for promotion." The studies showed that personal views and the domestic architecture of male leaders' private lives helped shape women's professional opportunities. This held true in both surveys and lab experiments, including one that tested whether candidates with identical backgrounds, but different names -- Drew versus Diane -- should receive a spot in a sought-after, company-sponsored MBA program. According to the research, men in traditional marriages gave Diane "significantly poor evaluations" compared to Drew. It seems that husbands with wives working at home imprinted that ideal onto women in the office.

*

"One of the reasons why there aren't as many women at the top is perhaps men at the top tend to be benevolent sexists who tend to see women as people who should be shielded from danger and risks," says Desai. "They are probably thinking of women as fragile beings who need to be taken care of, that want to stay at home and raise kids and don't want to take risks and move to the top." Desai notes that so many of the attitudes her work unveils are of an "unconscious nature," which makes beating them back particularly difficult. She says male leaders may think they are elevating women, not stifling them.

"You think of women in a very positive light, you tend to put them on a pedestal -- you don't think you are discriminating against them, you just think you are protecting them," she says of male leaders who may make up that "pocket of resistance" she and her colleagues studied. "Without realizing it you are preferring men over women when it comes to choice positions." While the study focused on business, presidential politics, too, has faced some questions of "benign sexism." Candidates this campaign cycle have talked a whole lot about women in a feverish effort to secure their support. Along the way, some women have questioned whether all the well-meaning politicking is indeed veering toward a soppier swamp of condescension regarding the "second sex."

*

As the research shows, all most women seek is the opportunity to be judged as individuals, rather than viewed through the narrow lens of someone else's marital kaleidoscope. Perhaps Desai and her colleagues will spark the conversation that reminds male leaders that though their wives may expertly run their homes, that does not mean that other women cannot succeed in the workplace by pursuing a different set of choices. Of course, change comes only slowly. A few weeks back, after I gave a long talk at a university about Afghanistan, women's gains, Pakistan, and the endgame for the U.S. in its longest-ever war, the gentleman who graciously moderated the conversation finished with a rhetorical flourish: "Well, you have given us a lot to think about, particularly on women. And as Barack Obama says, 'Always listen to your wife!'"

[snot]

1. K&R'd!

[no_hypocrisy]

2. I was co-manager with a gentleman in a company. Equal in every way.

One day, he decided to start monthly meetings of employees. I was at one end of a long room and he at the other. He walked over to me, handed me a legal pad, and said, "Here, take notes on the meeting." I waited for him to walk back and sit down before I got up, walked slowly across the room, gave him his legal pad back, and made sure everyone could hear me when I told him, "I may have two tits, but I'm not your bitch," and walked back to my seat. He was thunderstruck. I quit soon thereafter.

BTW, what's left out of the above story is that this guy got drunk on power. Started treating me like a secretary and I let him for a couple of weeks. I drew a line when I had had enough.

In relation to the original theme of unequal marriage in the original post, when you're working with an individual, it IS a kind of marriage as far as duties and cooperation and power-sharing. That's why I included this post.

[seabeyond]

3. that is something. but, i have learned

for the mere fact you had the audacity to approach him and say.... "I may have two tits, but I'm not your bitch", that alone made you a b.

[no_hypocrisy]

4. I was the only female in the company. I was the token bitch no matter what I said.

And I'd say it again under the circumstances.

But I know what you mean . . . .

[seabeyond]

6. sheeeit,

Last edited Wed Jun 6, 2012, 01:29 PM - Edit history (1)

my husband bought a computer business. i was doing the paperwork. getting things in order. i dared to ask the "hot, gifted" employee a question. you would have thought i was bossing him around or something, lol. the reaction was absurd. a mere question (a challenge for some), places a woman in that position.

[ProfessionalLeftist]

15. I've seen that in personal relationships too

...where the woman DARE NOT disagree, ask a question, or challenge - no matter how meekly or sweetly - lest she be labeled an angry, raging, bossy bi*ch and/or subjected to a tirade of other epithets as well.

[seabeyond]

16. yes. i ask. i dont tippy toe, either. i just ask. that is all. better to ask than assume i have

found

jeeezus, that pisses a lot of people off. just a question. do not read more into it than what there is.

[redqueen]

7. ...

[sufrommich]

8. "I may have two tits, but I'm not your bitch,"

I so love that retort!

[MadrasT]

10. Your response was awesome.

I don't think I would've had the nerve (unless I thought I was on my way out the door anyway, in that case all bets are off and who knows what would come out of my mouth).

[redqueen]

5. "Of course, change comes only slowly."

At a glacial pace it seems, at least where women's issues are concerned.

[sufrommich]

9. Here's my story....

When I was in my twenties, I got a good paying union job as a school custodian on the night shift, I was a single mom and was grateful for the job, my (male)boss was happy with my work and in a couple of years started encouraging me to apply for a supervisors position , there were no female supervisors at the time, he taught me the ins and outs about running a building (boilers,etc.) he was a great guy. I applied for a supervisors position which would have left me alone in a building for the second half of the night shift but would have raised my pay and eventually led to a day shift job so I could be home with my son when he came home from school. Many were interviewed and it came down to me and another guy,I was excited when I was called in for a second interview with the male principal,the interview went great and I was sure I got the job. I didn't. The principal called me at home and these were his exact words :" I actually would have preferred you for the job, but I couldn't stand the thought of you being alone in that building at night".I was crushed and speechless. I didn't get the job because he decided a woman shouldn't be alone in a building, I wouldn't have been scared to be alone, that's what locks on doors are for.
I eventually got a supervisors job but it was a year after I could have got it. The moral of the story, I had a great male boss who encouraged me to seek a non traditional (at the time) job,but was denied the job by a traditional male who imagined he was my father.

[seabeyond]

12. a woman shouldn't be alone in a building

traditional male who imagined he was my father.

very good post. and this would be the benevolent sexism. thinking poster below, lol.

[sufrommich]

14. Yes, as soon as I read your OP I related

to it.

[kestrel91316]

11. "Benevolent sexists"???

Oh, that's rich.

[seabeyond]

13. i had yet another study on this. it was very interesting. another perspective we do not consider

but, certainly there, and real and damaging. i am going to see if i can find that. thanks for the reminder.