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ismnotwasm

(41,916 posts)
Tue Jul 8, 2014, 12:21 PM Jul 2014

5 Simple Ways Men Can Better Respect Women

I’m noticing a trend lately — over the past couple of years especially — where we feminists really want to get dudes on board.

“Come on, guys,” we’re collectively calling. “It’s time to get your shit together.”

Based on the countless outlets and publications I’ve seen boasting headlines along the lines of “10 Really Awesome Feminist Guys You Should Follow on Twitter” and “20 Ways to Be a Super Cool Feminist Man,” I get the impression that we’re fed up with the microaggressions committed against us on the daily and want to show how fun being on the right side of social change can be.

And all right. I’m into it.

But I’m a little concerned about how inaccessible a lot of these pieces tend to be.

Because they’re either sarcastic – and I love me some sarcasm; I just don’t think it’s the best educational tool – or they’re larger than life, exploring big-name activists with a lot of social capital who don’t really need more exposure in the first place. I’m pretty sure no Average Joe is going to read about change makers like Jackson Katz or Ta-Nehisi Coates and go, “Oh yeah. I can do that.”

When we favor covering the sensational work that feminist men are doing out there, I think we’re accidentally skipping over the “every man” and the simple, seemingly mundane ways that sexism creeps into our everyday lives.

So here’s a short introduction, guys.

Here are five simple things you should probably stop doing if you want to show that you have respect for women and actually see them as your equals.

More: http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/07/5-ways-men-can-respect-women/
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5 Simple Ways Men Can Better Respect Women (Original Post) ismnotwasm Jul 2014 OP
Big K&R. redqueen Jul 2014 #1
To the Men on DU = this one, please: Tuesday Afternoon Jul 2014 #2

Tuesday Afternoon

(56,912 posts)
2. To the Men on DU = this one, please:
Tue Jul 8, 2014, 01:23 PM
Jul 2014
4. Stop Staying Silent

Up until recently, I had a male partner who worked the overnight shift in logistics at a furniture store. Essentially, this means that he’d get up at 2:00 in the morning (waking me up in the process, of course), and then go spend eight hours in a warehouse, restocking shelves with the incoming inventory.

And he had one asshole of a co-worker.

This guy would ask my then-partner at least weekly questions like “What do you think of the new girl?” and, when female co-workers passed, “Would you hit that?”

And he complained to me about it all the time.

“You should say something,” I would always answer. “Just tell him that this makes you uncomfortable.”

Or, I would suggest, talk to a manager about it since it constitutes workplace sexual harassment, which is entirely illegal.

Incredibly shy by nature and averse to confrontation, I don’t think that he ever did speak up. But I wish he would have. Because now this guy is going around thinking that that’s just how men talk to one another – and I’m sure that many others engage with him on this level, further solidifying his socialization.

And now, listen.

Yes. I’ve read Michael Kimmel’s Guyland (and if you haven’t, you should). I understand the concept of the culture of silence that shrouds men’s experiences, making it difficult for them to speak openly about their own emotions or, worse still, point out when other guys are doing something wrong (it goes against the Bro Code, I hear).

But here’s the thing: If your friend says something screwed up, say something.

Because he clearly needs to hear it, and he needs to hear it from you.

I know that women are probably (hopefully) calling him out, but that’s the nature of oppression my friend: A person in power (like a man) isn’t as likely to listen to a person not-in-power (like a woman) as he would be to someone he perceives to be more “on his level” (like another man).

And there’s even educational theory to back this up: Self-efficacy includes a tenet about the value of seeing people who look like you doing the thing you’re needing to learn to do. It makes you think, “Oh. If they can do it, then maybe I can do it.”

Be that guy.
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