I've had eating problems and gastric bypass and lost 60 pounds BUT now I am

[Maraya1969]

having an issue with a friend who has anorexia. For some reason her disorder annoys ME.

I am not thin but I'm not obese anymore and I actually feel good and think I look good.

I took this friend to an appointment the other day and when we talked about it she said something about "getting something quick to eat" But after her appointment she didn't want to go because she, 'Ate breakfast" It was 3PM! But I realized we were near a great Greek restaurant and reminded her that she had said we could eat.

Anyway I watched her pick at lettuce and rice and then take most of it home. And it really irritated me. It looked like she was afraid of the food. And it's not like I eat a lot now because my stomach is very small.

I realize that I might be jealous but truthfully when I think of her life I wouldn't want anything like it. She has dry brittle skin and hair and looks older than her age. She also has Chronic fatigue and Fibromyalgia and spends most of her time lying in bed and I can't help but think it all must be made worse by not getting enough nutrients!

At least I am writing this on here and not sharing any of it with her. I googled it and can only find things about how anorexics create their own isolation.

Any insight would be appreciated.

[Tetrachloride]

1. Some brainstorming and memories

Soups or stir fry if food is finely chopped with a hint of sugar and salt can be attractive. A friend of mine has a daughter who had never seen mushrooms in food. My belief is that if the mushroom was in bits, the daughter would not have noticed.

My mother and I shared the motto that other people’s cooking is just fine — we’ll eat it.

I am grateful for any place to sit and enjoy the view.

[Ocelot II]

2. She's ill - anorexia is a serious disorder and she needs professional help,

especially considering that she has other health problems. Try to think of her eating disorder as an illness she can't help, like diabetes, because she really can't help the way she deals with food. I have also lost a lot of weight since the pandemic started, and find myself feeling judgmental about other people's weight issues, and then feeling guilty for feeling judgmental. I can't think what you can do for your friend except be patient and hope she gets help.

[Bluethroughu]

3. I'm not a Doctor or psychologist but was a friend to both

A gastric bypass recipient and an anorexic. What I'm going to say I mean in a nurturing way, not in a attacking or judging manner.

You still have a disorder because your weight, does not change your thinking or attitude. You are paying too close attention to what your friend is doing with her food, while your going through thoughts about food, weight or your own insecurities, during the visit. Why are you not living in the moment discussing life, and if you are brave enough to be a friend, discuss your thoughts about food, body image, and recovery with her.

I had a friend with bulimia and anorexia, she hid behind the shame of it, it wasn't a competition with others. It was about control, and until she was in control of decision making, she was not in control of the disease.

I had another friend that was morbidly obese, had the gastric bypass, lost tons of weight and would criticize anybody 10lbs over weight, calling them shame names. She was not nice, but she admitted that she had been over eating, and was angry because that was making her sick. She eventually gained all +some weight back. She said she mad at people she saw eating or snacking because she got sick from doing that after the bypass.

One thing my step-dad used to say, "nobody's getting outta here alive". I took that as...we all have our problems, we were born here, and will die here. So, have some love and understanding before judging, and that includes... yourself.

[Maraya1969]

6. I really don't feel insecure about my weight now. The one thing physically

that has bothered me since the weight loss is getting wrinkles on my thinner face!

I'm beginning to think that I am just frustrated with her because she is so self destructive. But she told me she wants to die but her religious convictions stop her from killing herself.

I do believe that everything that "happens" to us is meant for our greater good so maybe this life for her is just a big lesson. When I think of all the suffering I did in my early years I can see how it got me on a road to self improvement and self discovery. A road I know I would not have gone down had I not been forced through a lot of pain.

[MFM008]

4. my gastric bypass failed

oh ive lost the same 70 pounds twice, however, the surgery i had in 2016 has left me with a legacy of repeated ulcers and now ive developed anemia that has left me with horrible symptoms since august of 2020, I cant take iron pills and i have agoraphobia so i cant leave the house to get an infusion of iron. Its killing me. Worst mistake i made in 63 years. My son had the sleeve done in april of 2021 and hes had episodes of blood clots twice since then...
I pray someone has better luck with this surgery than we have.

[Maraya1969]

5. I'm sorry for the troubles you are going through. I had agoraphobia starting

starting age 17 with panic attacks. I also had obsessive thoughts, and phobias. But I finally found a great doctor who saved my life. I also started going to Recovery International. It's on the net and it is a great self help program that made such a difference.

I'm surprised they can't find some way to give you the infusion at your home. Maybe after Covid you can get some better treatment.

I wish you the best of luck with your treatment.