DNC Committee Throws Bound Jay Inslee Onto Melting Iceberg Before Pushing Him Out To Sea

[Jose Garcia]

ANTARCTICA—Cackling as they stuffed a rag into the Democratic governor’s mouth and tied his hands behind his back, the DNC committee reportedly tossed a bound Jay Inslee onto a melting iceberg Friday and pushed him out to sea. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t my good friend Mr. Inslee! Tell me, sir, as a Democratic candidate—is this the type of climate debate you wanted?” said a grinning DNC chair Tom Perez as he looked at the blindfolded, gagged governor of Washington, placed a gun loaded with a single bullet at his feet, and kicked the rapidly shrinking piece of ice he was on into open waters. “Take it from me, Jay, those dear sharks and whales you want to save so badly? They’re not as nice as they look. If I had to guess, your campaign has two to three more hours, tops. So let’s just hope you can swim as well as you rally.” At press time, Inslee was seen breaking free from the thick ropes tied around his body, diving into the ocean, and swimming to shore surrounded by a pack of several loyal dolphins.

https://politics.theonion.com/dnc-committee-throws-bound-jay-inslee-onto-melting-iceb-1835518291/amp?__twitter_impression=true

[corbettkroehler]

1. I Back Sanders But Was Thrilled To Learn That Biden Supports Holding A Primary Debate On Climate

The former VP's stead with the DNC should help correct Chairman Perez' obvious error on this issue.

The Onion piece was good, too.

[Hortensis]

2. "Curses, foiled again!" Tom Perez, no doubt already plotting

the DNC's next dastardly move in their battle to elect Democrats.



The Onion is terrific. Thanks!