SoCalDem
SoCalDem's JournalI never thought I would need this group, but I do
My son died, and I am totally inconsolable
He was my true soulmate.. he looked the most like me..he was the last of my kids..Our senses of humor were the same..
He was the "golden child".. always did the right thing.. He had such a wonderful life..loved his wife.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100214412348
He had so very many friends
His wife put together such a touching video from the remembrance ceremony
https://www.dropbox.com/s/36bzn5kuvxidtxx/STIGGINS.mp4?dl=0&fbclid=IwAR2cN2n_i4e3dPlA41GblF7-kyne2-LSG1Tj4l_scrM5czLYgwTApo86CRM
Steve's last lesson. (my youngest son's death)
Steve’s last lesson.
You are a man …let’s say 35 to 40 ish.
Were you a “jock” in high school/college?
Remember all those times you were hurt and the coach said “walk it off”?
Sports injuries are a part of life when you are a teen/twenty-something, and your youth pretty much guarantees that in a few days you’ll be okay.
But NOW, you are a grown-up man, who may have put on a few pounds. Perhaps you choose fast food because you are in a hurry or it just tastes good to you. You like to watch sports, and sports means snacks.
You are still active and do physical things (my son routinely hung garage doors, laid tile, worked a full-time job, did yard work, hiked, etc.)
My son’s death can be a lesson.
His death was because of a massive heart attack at age 41. He also had sky-high cholesterol, arterial plaque, high blood pressure, and an enlarged heart.
These were all undiagnosed.
Why?
Because, like so many men, he was still strong and felt okay, so he did not go to the doctor.
None of these issues came on suddenly, and he had health insurance, so any of them could have been diagnosed by a doctor with ample time to treat them. Perhaps he would have still had a heart attack, but he might have had enough time to treat these issues, change his lifestyle and diet, and could have lived a much longer life.
We will never know because that did not happen for him.
Once you hit your 30’s, please investigate family health histories, just in case your family has issues that might affect you as well. Steve knew there was a history of heart disease in our family, but he felt strong and shrugged it off.
He was a busy guy and even though his wife and I reminded him to go to the doctor for his shoulder pain (a “strained muscle”), he did not go. He promised he would, but he didn’t. That “strained muscle” may well have been a precursor; a warning sign his body was sending.
We will never know, and all the “shoulda/couldas” are in vain now.
All we have now is the insane grief that’s left behind.
This is not to blame him, because we all are in denial sometimes, and we all think we have time to deal with difficult issues. We all rationalize our aches and pains.
You love your life, love your wife, love your family.
Do you want your Mother to cry every day for the rest of her life? Do you want your wife to be a young widow, crying herself to sleep every night? Do you want your children to be fatherless?
Please see a doctor to get a baseline, a heads-up while there is time to do something about it.
Do it for your family,
Do it for your friends.
Do it for Steve.
Do it for YOURSELF.
(1st pic is from the world cup in Brazil, 2014
2nd one is his "jock" pic, a personal favorite of mine)
https://www.dropbox.com/s/36bzn5kuvxidtxx/STIGGINS.mp4?dl=0&fbclid=IwAR2cN2n_i4e3dPlA41GblF7-kyne2-LSG1Tj4l_scrM5czLYgwTApo86CRM
link is for the lovely video presentation at his ceremony of remembrance..It was at a soccer field and about 350 people drifted through..He had so many friends
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